My Life Without Me
by Betty Lovegood
Summary: Bella is average in everything. One day, she learns something that will change her life forever. From then on, she finds out the pleasure of life guided by an idea: complete her bucket list. Inspired by the movie by Isabel Coixet with the same title-2003
1. PROLOGUE

**PROLOGUE.**

_Click._

"…

"My dearest Edward.

"I guess by the time you get this tape you'll know… well, that I'm not here anymore.

"It's okay if you're angry, hurt, sad or upset with me. I understand. I felt like that after my mom died, too. Time heals all wounds. It's true. Maybe you don't see it now, but you will, I promise.

"These past few months… I realized that life is better than you think. Live, Edward, please. You have everything you could hope for. You have a great family, everyone loves you…

"I love you. I didn't get to tell you, I couldn't, but I do. I fell so deeply in love with you.

"You're the best thing a girl like me could get. Really. Just be yourself and you'll be happy. All I always wanted was for you to be happy. I'm glad that I got to live some of your happiest moments with you. And I would have loved more than anything to grow old by your side.

"And for God's sake, you can afford a real car. I don't want the next woman you drive around to get the wrong idea about you.

"…

"Don't stop playing piano, ever. I loved watching and hearing you play, the few times I had the opportunity.

"I love you…"

_Click._


	2. Symptoms

**My Life Without Me.**

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

I feel like I need to include a fair warning: be ready to feel the angst. This is not the happiest of stories, but it'll be a good ride. At least I hope so. I'll update every Friday.

Also, Chapter 1 and 2 will be shorter than the rest, because I wrote them together but decided to split them.

Thank you so much, Wendy (**wmr1601**-beta) and Jen (**jppc**-prereader) for helping me and encouraging me. You're the coolest!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 1 – Symptoms **

Nobody is normal. Normal people don't exist. What does 'normal' even mean?

Some people say life is the way you choose it to be. But maybe they don't factor that some things are just given to you. Like when my mother, Renee, died four years ago from a heart failure at the age of forty-two. I didn't choose that. Or the day I found out she had Huntington's disease and that it's hereditary. I didn't choose to be born with a genetic lineage that gives me a fifty-fifty chance of having a neurodegenerative disorder with no existing cure.

Anyway, chosen or not, my life was boring. I was twenty-three and single. I'd lived in Phoenix since Renee died, I got a job as a doorwoman in a luxurious apartment building I never would be able to live in, and I had nothing more than a little cactus I bought a year after moving to the city to keep me company.

My father, Charlie, still lived in Forks, a little town in the State of Washington, in the same house I grew up in. I hadn't been back there since I moved to Phoenix, although Charlie visited me a couple of weekends a year. That was enough for both of us.

· - ·

**June, 13th—Friday **

Friday the 13th. Since the moment I woke up in the morning and looked at the calendar in the kitchen, I knew it was going to be a bad day. Not because I'm superstitious, but because this was the day I was going to receive the results of my genetic testing.

I knew that people started showing the symptoms of Huntington's disease around thirty, sometimes as late as fifty. Renee's deterioration had been early in that regard, so I decided that if it was going to happen to me, I would be prepared.

I arrived at the hospital at ten o'clock. My appointment was at ten-thirty, so I took my time, had a cup of coffee, and then took a trip to the ladies room.

While washing my hands, I felt a strong pain in my groin. It was like something inside of me searing my flesh, trying to rip through my abdomen. When I couldn't bear it anymore I fell to the floor, and the room became dark.

For a moment, I didn't know where I was. Someone was standing behind me, helping me sit up. With great effort, I finally managed to stand. Someone called for a nurse who led me to a doctor's office. She instructed me to change out of my capri's and t-shirt, put on a thin blue robe and wait for the doctor to arrive. I lay back onto the examination table and waited.

Several minutes later, a handsome, ebony man in a white robe entered the room. Two nurses followed him and started fussing with some of the equipment near the examination table.

"Good morning, Miss Swan. I'm Dr. Laurent Maunier and I'm going to see your abdomen through this monitor." He pointed to the little TV beside my head.

"An echography?" I asked.

"That's right." He nodded. "Do you feel better, now?"

"Yes."

"Alright, then. Let's proceed."

Dr. Handsome rubbed in a cold transparent gel below my navel and extended the wand of the machine onto my stomach. Mixed images of grey and white appeared on the monitor. The doctor looked at it intently.

"Where's my regular doctor?" I questioned. Not that I wanted him back. "He was supposed to give me the results of a test I did two weeks ago."

"Ah, yes. Unfortunately, Dr. James left the hospital last week. But he left me in charge of some of his patients."

"So…?"

"So," he said, smiling at me, "you're safe." I mimicked Dr. Bright-smile expression. "You won't develop Huntington's symptoms and it doesn't seem likely that the gen will be inherited by your kids."

"I wasn't planning on having kids anyway, but maybe now I'll reconsider." We both chuckled. _Do you volunteer?_

Suddenly, his expression changed and he moved closer to look at the image in the monitor. He pushed a button and the image froze in a window before another one appeared beside it.

"Mmh…"

"What?" I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. Something wasn't right.

· - ·

Nearly two hours later, I was sitting with Dr. Maunier in his office in front of him. He looked at me in the eye before speaking.

"Is there someone you would like to call before I give you the diagnosis?" He asked.

"Um, no, actually."

"Are you sure? Miss Swan, this is important, you shouldn't be alone—"

"Well, I am, Doctor. Spit it out… please." My anxiety level was increasing.

"Okay," he sighed frustrated. "I'm very sorry to tell you… You have tumors in both of your ovaries…"

Silence filled the room for about ten minutes. At least it seemed that long to me.

"I'm very sorry, Isabella," Dr. Maunier said. I noticed he used my first name and that didn't bother me. He seemed like a good doctor who really cared about his patients.

"Mmh… No kids after all," I muttered. I looked at him intently; his piercing blue eyes fixed on me too.

And then tears won the battle. I cried, almost convulsing in the chair. Dr. Maunier touched my arm with his hand and spoke again.

"The tumors have advanced too rapidly for operation to be an option. I'm really sorry." He was sincere, and genuinely sorry. That, I could sense.

When the sobbing ended, I felt exhausted. I came to a sudden realization. _I was going to die_. And the worst part was that I was alone. I would die alone.

"How long?" I choked.

"Two months, maybe three…"

· - ·

**June, 14th—Saturday **

I was sitting on a bench in the park in front of the building where I worked. I hadn't been to work or back home. I never called in sick, so I was most likely fired by now. I didn't care.

I took out a paper and a pencil from my purse and wrote something that had been on my mind since I left the hospital.

_THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE_

_1. Go visit Dad in Forks._

I wouldn't tell him anything about my tumor, though. He'd suffered enough with Renee.

_2. Find Charlie a new wife._

As I thought about Charlie and Forks, I realized I missed that place. I hadn't had a spectacular life in the small, cold town, but some of the best people I'd ever met were from there. My dad's best friend, Billy Black and his son Jacob were there.

_3. Go to La Push and visit Jacob Black._

Random thoughts crossed my mind. I thought about how lonely and empty I felt. I thought about how I should have lived life with more intensity and purpose. I thought about how much I needed a change long ago.

_4. Say what I'm thinking._

_5. Tell Charlie I love him several times a day._

_6. Smoke and drink as much as I want._

_7. Get false nails and do something with my hair._

I wished I had someone to hold me in that moment. It was sad admitting how pathetic my life had been all this time that I had spent hiding from the world—from the pain relationships might bring.

_8. Make love with a stranger to see what it's like._

_9. Make someone fall in love with me._

I couldn't think of one person who would truly miss me. How depressing was that?

_10. Record goodbye messages._

I read over the list and put it in my pocket. Now I had something interesting to do with the months I had left.

· - ·


	3. Familiar

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Thank you, Wendy and Jen for being so great!

I promise the upcoming chapters will be longer.

· - ·

**CHAPTER 2 – Familiar**

**June, 16th—Monday **

"Hey, Bells," Charlie greeted me at the airport parking lot in Port Angeles. He was leaning against his cruiser in the same old uniform I remembered him wearing. It was raining terribly.

"Hi Dad." I gave him a hug which took him by surprise. _Okay, maybe I shouldn't have done that._

"How was your flight?" he asked once we were in the car, heading to Forks.

"It was awful. I hate flying." Charlie looked at me like I had gone mad and I wanted to laugh, but I didn't.

"What's gotten into you, girl?" I laughed this time and he couldn't contain himself either. "Welcome home," he said nodding and I smiled. It certainly felt like that.

My room had always been the same: simple white walls, purple curtains and brown furniture. I didn't like that it looked so impersonal, which was why I was determined to make a change soon.

I put my little cactus on the bedside table and looked at the bags full of clothes and books I had brought. I'd told the owner of my apartment in Phoenix I wouldn't pay the rent past the 30 days of notice, because I was leaving. The guy didn't give a fuck and just told me to clean it so that he could rent it as soon as possible again. Asshole.

Charlie seemed ecstatic to have me back home and that felt good. I wondered how he could have stayed alone all this time, in this too big, empty house.

· - ·

"How long are you staying, Bells?" Charlie asked me at the kitchen table, where we were eating heated canned meatballs. He wasn't much of a cook.

"Um… probably a couple months," I responded.

"Something wrong at work? Did someone hurt you?" He asked concerned. I supposed showing up in the town he knew I didn't have much love for struck him as suspicious.

"I left work," I started, "and no, nobody hurt me. I would have beaten the crap out of them, you know." I'm a cop's daughter. He taught me well.

Charlie gave me a strange look before speaking. "I really don't know what's gotten into you, but I like having you here. I probably haven't told you this very often, but you can tell me anything… You can count on me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay Dad," I said, hesitating before I continued. "And I probably don't tell you this very often, but… I love you, and I like being here. Really."

Boom! I fixed my eyes to my empty plate. I had never been so direct before and I didn't need to look up to see Charlie's surprised look.

"Um… yeah, I… I love you… too, Bells." He took a deep breath and stood up, grabbing our plates. "I have to go to work. I'll see you later."

Charlie passed by me and kissed the top of my head as he headed out. I heard the cruiser take off the driveway outside, and when I couldn't hear anything but the rain, silent tears streamed down my face.

After a few minutes I started getting cold and my head was aching from crying. I went to the bathroom and took my pills as I looked myself in the mirror. Brown eyes, brown hair, average nose, average mouth… nothing special. I sighed and returned to the kitchen to clean up the dishes. Charlie would be home by dinner and I was sure he hadn't eaten anything home-made in a long time, so I decided to spend the afternoon cooking his favorite meals, baking some cookies and singing along to the radio.

But before that, I needed to go grocery shopping because the contents of the kitchen cabinets at my dad's house consisted only of cans and cans of pre-cooked food.

· - ·

"Isabella? Isabella Swan?" I heard a high feminine voice call me from the other corner of the aisle. I grimaced when I realized who it was. I turned around as she approached hand-in-hand with a second person I remember never wanting to see again.

"It's Bella," I said. "Jessica, Mike, I had no idea you were still living here." She was the one who wanted to leave this town the most in high school. And he was just a loser, his staying didn't surprise me.

"Oh, well, we're pretty happy here, Bella. We think Forks is a good place to raise our kids," Jessica said gently rubbing her stomach.

"Are you…?"

Mike shook his head.

"We married about six months ago. We're trying… you know. We came to buy a couple of pregnancy tests," he said.

"Okay, um… Good luck with that." I wanted to say they would do more good for the world if they bought condoms instead, but I didn't. No need to be rude. After all, I knew how much Mike sucked in bed. I had reasons to think they would be trying for a while. They didn't seem like they had changed so much.

"Oh my gosh, Bella, I can't believe you're actually here!" Jessica said too enthusiastically spreading her arms.

"Well, I was deciding between pads or tampons, but I think I'll take both," I said pointing behind me to the period supplies. Mike laughed quietly. Ugh, I had forgotten how ridiculous his laughter sounded. Jessica looked at him and faked a laugh too.

"You're so funny… Have you come to see your dad?" she asked.

"I'll be here for some time, yeah."

"We should like, get together and catch up, don't you think?"

"I don't know if I'll have time, but we'll probably see each other around," I responded.

We parted after our goodbyes and I continued with my shopping.

At the freezers, I tripped on someone. The guy was distracted reading his list or something and didn't even apologize.

"No problem, you can leap over me too, if you want…" I said sarcastically.

He walked away to grab the next thing he needed without acknowledging me. I decided to let it go and not pick a fight unnecessarily. He was too tall for me.

I finally made my way to the cashier where there were three people before me. I recognized the one just in front of me from high school and thought about saying something, but decided against it when I realized I didn't remember his name. His broad shoulders and muscled constitution were familiar, but I couldn't match that huge body to a name. Maybe if I saw his face…

When the woman before him was about to pay, the guy from the freezers stepped ahead of me and started putting his things on the belt. I was fuming.

"_Excuse me_." I tapped hard on his shoulder causing him to turn around. "Am I invisible?"

He looked at me perplexed through a pair of deep green eyes; then at the huge guy behind him—who was putting things in paper bags—and at me again. "Uh…"

"I was here before you, mister," I said loudly, so that he could hear me well, since he seemed a bit off. I heard a chuckle and in a second, the big guy was beside us, touching our shoulders.

"I'm sorry. He's with me. I should've said something," he said and I narrowed my eyes at them.

"Yes, you should have. But, doesn't your friend speak?" I asked and turned to the alluded. "You bumped into me before."

Finally the clouds parted in the sky and he spoke, with the most velvety voice I'd ever heard.

"Please excuse me, Miss. I apologize profusely," he said calmly. "Obviously, I didn't see you, or else I would have just leaped over you instead." He smiled, which only made me angrier.

"So you heard me and didn't apologize?" I yelled at the man. Luckily for him, the other was still keeping me in place.

"I just did, didn't I?"

_Cocky bastard._

"Hey, kids, that's enough. Dude, stop teasing the woman. C'mon." The huge guy pulled the fucker away and turned again to me and winked. "I'm Emmett, by the way."

"Emmett Cullen?" I asked. Now I remembered him.

"Yeah! You've heard about me… Good things, I hope." Was he flirting now?

"We met in high school, actually," I said as I put my things on the belt. We were giving quite a show to the cashier. "I'm Bella."

"Bella? As in… Isabella Swan?" he asked, surprised, and I winced at the name. "Wow, you've changed from what I remember… for the better, of course." I heard the bastard snort behind Emmett, so I shot him a look. "Oh, this is my brother Edward."

Brothers? They didn't look alike at all. I remembered Emmett's brother was a freshman in college when the Cullens moved here and Emmett was a junior while I was a sophomore. So Edward must be about three years older than me.

After I paid for my items, he happily extended his hand for me to shake, but I ignored him. He faked a pout and lowered his hand back to his side.

"Well, I have to get going," I said as I grabbed my bags and walked to the exit.

"Nice to meet you, Isabella!" Edward shouted when I passed them with my truck while they were putting their bags in the back of an old Jeep.

"It's Bella!" I yelled back.

· - ·

Find me on Twitter **(at)LovegoodBetty** and check out teasers for this story in **The Fictionators** Blog and **Twific Central**.


	4. Dr Hottie

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

TGIF! **Wendy** beta'd and **Jen** preread. They're supermegafoxyawesomehot. (Massive high-five to those who know what I'm quoting, lol)

Thanks to the girls at **Underfictionate**. They're doing a great job. Thank _you_ for reading. Enjoy!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 3 – Dr. Hottie**

**June 19th—Thursday**

I'd spent the last two days doing chores at home, cooking, and catching up with Charlie. Monday during dinner, he told me that he'd actually had some home-cooked meals over at the Clearwaters' house on the reservation. Harry Clearwater died about three years ago—heart attack. His wife, Sue, was left behind with their two kids, Leah and Seth. That story had to be sadder than mine. At least I was getting the opportunity to say goodbye. And I only had Charlie to say goodbye to.

Talking about the reservation made me think of Jacob Black, Charlie's best friend's son. I knew he ran an auto repair shop in Port Angeles. Like me, he hadn't been able to go to college. I called him on Tuesday, and he was free to meet me in La Push on Friday. We agreed to have a picnic as long as it didn't rain.

On Wednesday, I went to the salon in Port Angeles to try the fake nails. I didn't like them. I told the manicurist they looked too porn-ish. She tapped her long red acrylics against the counter between us and gave me a look that said, "Oh, really?"

After she composed herself from my (perhaps too bold) words, she suggested a normal manicure for the same price. I decided to get a haircut and highlights as well. When the hairdresser asked me about the color, I wasn't sure, but I finally said I wanted them bronze, and she complimented my choice.

So now I had beautiful chocolate brown (the hairdresser's words, not mine) and bronze shoulder-length hair and very discreet French-style nails, and I liked it. I kind of felt pretty as I inspected myself in the mirror after I took my pills.

I spent the rest of the day doing laundry and reading on the couch until I had to make dinner for Charlie. Then I went to bed feeling somewhat satisfied with my day for the first time in a very long time.

· - ·

**June 20th—Friday**

"Dad, I'm leaving!" I yelled as I grabbed my coat. Charlie appeared from the living room and startled me.

"I'm here, Bells. No need to be so loud," he said, amused.

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were upstairs… Will you be okay?" I asked.

"I've been alone for a while; I think I'll survive for one day."

He smiled warmly at me and pecked my cheek. He'd never been so affectionate before, but we had been saying 'I love you' to each other more often. Each time was becoming more natural to say it and hear it.

"Be careful," Charlie said.

"I always am. See you later. Love you!"

I was really getting used to saying that…

· - ·

I found that I had never forgotten the way to the reservation as I drove in my loud truck, anxious to get there.

Through the tall trees, I finally spotted the cute little wooden houses of the rez. A reassuring familiarity filled me. I saw a tall muscled man looking in my direction when I turned to park next to what I recognized as Jacob's old Rabbit.

I got out of the truck, and the man approached me slowly as I walked to the Blacks' front porch. Before I got to the stairs, he was in front of me. I looked up at him, and something snapped in me when he smiled.

"Jacob?"

His smile widened, and I threw my arms around his strong shoulders in a hug. He squeezed me gently and sighed deeply.

"Bella Swan, you look wonderful," he said into my ear. It felt like home in his arms.

We disengaged eventually, and I squeezed his left arm, feeling the tight muscles there.

"Jacob Black, you look… huge! What are they feeding you here, steroids?" I joked, and he chuckled.

"We haven't seen each other in forever… I guess it's normal you're surprised," he said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Shocked would be more accurate," I corrected. "You cut your hair. It looks great."

He certainly looked better than I remembered, and the smiles he flashed me were adorable. Jacob was a twenty-one-year-old man now, and he had always been pretty mature for his age. He used to tease me about that.

"You too, Bells." This guy always knew how to make me smile. Hearing the nickname Charlie had for me triggered a calming sensation within me. I took a deep breath and smiled.

Without warning, I wrapped my arms around his waist and he chuckled, letting me feel his warmth once again.

· - ·

The beach was nearly deserted. Even though it was technically summer now, the air was still very chilly. There were only a few young surfers braving the cold water. Fortunately, the sun was shining today.

Jacob and I settled in the far end of the beach, about fifty feet from the water. He placed a thin bamboo mat on the sand, and I took out the food I had brought: some sandwiches, a salad, and a bottle of wine. Jacob raised his brows at me questioningly.

"You're legal, right?" I said. "It's okay if you don't want… There's soda too. I just thought it would be nice to—"

"Bella, don't worry. I'm just not used to seeing you drink, I guess," he cut me off. "I'll have a cup."

I served us the wine, and we started eating, neither of us sure of what to say. I was remembering our times together as kids, making mud pies. _God, those were good times…_

"So, what brought you back after all this time?" Jacob questioned to break the silence. "Not that I disapprove."

I hesitated for a moment. _Can I tell him the real reason for my return?_

"I missed the place. Phoenix isn't that exciting when you don't know anyone and you work alone at a boring job," I explained honestly.

Jacob became thoughtful for a moment.

"It's been years," he started softly. "You haven't made friends?"

"Well, yeah… kind of," I said, and he gave me a questioning look. "My neighbor was nice to me, but Jane was too slutty for my taste. I didn't want to hang out with her and become something unsavory, you know. I didn't have much time to go out anyway. Truth be told… I don't really like people."

"Well, thank you, Miss Friendly." Jacob chuckled.

"No, I mean… I don't like people, in general. I like _you_, Jacob. You've always been kind to me."

"I like you too, Bells; that's why I've been kind," he said, looking at me intently.

I rarely blushed, but this man was bringing out the old me, timid and shy Bella.

"I've missed you," he finished, and I looked down at my hands.

Jacob lifted my chin with two of his big but soft fingers, forcing me to look at him, and grinned widely. I couldn't help but smile too. He caressed my cheek and kissed it briefly before standing up; his large figure shadowed me.

"Let's bring this back to the car and walk for a while," he said happily as he offered me his hand to help me up. "Shall we?"

· - ·

"So, what about you? Is there someone special around?" Jacob asked me as we walked along the beach.

He had just told me about his last failed relationship with a girl from the reservation. They dated on and off after he broke up with Emily Young. Emily was now engaged to one of Jacob's best friends, Sam Uley. Just like a frickin' soap opera.

"I've told you already, Jacob. I have no one at all, let alone anyone _special_." I was becoming a bit irritated by the topic.

"No relationships in four years, Bella? Really?" He sounded astounded.

"I kind of had a boyfriend, Demetri, a few months after I moved to Phoenix, but it didn't last long. He was offered a job abroad," I responded.

"Okay," Jacob said, and there was a long moment filled with silence before he continued. "But you're not a virgin, right?"

"Jacob!" I smacked his head, and he rubbed the spot chuckling. "I can't believe my ears..."

"Just saying, Bells, don't bite me. It's just that… I don't get it."

"What don't you get? I've never been sociable, you know that. And Phoenix was just a temporary escape; I never planned to stay for so long. I wanted to save money, go to college…" I'm sure Jacob could feel my frustration through my words. He wrapped his strong arm around my shoulders and shook me gently. "But no, I'm not a virgin."

"Sorry, I just don't get why no one has been interested in a beautiful woman like you. It only takes one look. I would've been chasing you until I got a name and a phone number," he said genuinely.

"Shut up. You don't mean that," I said. Why would someone be interested in me without even knowing me? _Me, beautiful? Right…_

"Of course I mean that!"

"You're just trying to make me feel better."

As I said this, he stopped, turned me around to face him, and framed my face with his hands. I furrowed my brows.

"Bells, I hope one day you can see yourself the way I've always seen you: beautiful, smart, natural, honest, caring… and a whole lot of other adjectives; I'd name them all, but we'd both be here all day if I tried."

Tears flowed freely down my face while Jacob said those words to me. I could tell he meant it all too. My heart was melting. I never expected any tenderness from Jacob beyond a peck on the cheek. I hugged him as tight as I could and buried my face in his chest. As hard as I squeezed, I knew I couldn't come close to physically hurting him.

"Thank you, Jacob."

"You're welcome…" he whispered "…beautiful Bella."

We kept walking for a while, talking about anything and everything. He remembered Renee because she had been like a mother to him since his mother had died. I felt connected to Jacob in that way. I didn't think a lot of people our age had to deal with dead mothers, but we did—or tried at least. Talking about our mothers made us cry, and we held each other. I was surprised that Jacob was still so open to me after all this time. It reminded me of why I always considered him my best friend.

"I hate it when my head hurts after I cry," I sniffed, and Jacob laughed along with me.

We walked silently to his Rabbit and returned to the reservation. I questioned Jacob about Sue Clearwater. He told me Charlie had been very close to the family since Harry died and that he often went to Billy's for dinner too. I felt instantly guilty for my father's loneliness, but Jacob assured me he was fine. He said how excited Charlie had been when I'd told him I was coming back to Forks.

By the time we got back to the reservation, the headache had turned into an uncomfortable lightheadedness. I realized then that it was time to take my pills before the nausea got to me, but I didn't have them with me. With the nerves of coming to the rez, I had forgotten them at home.

Another truck was beside mine when we arrived, and a man I barely recognized was helping Billy get out of it.

"Hey, Sam, Dad!" Jacob greeted as we approached them. He helped his father in the wheelchair, and we shook hands with Sam. "This is Bella Swan, the girl I told you about."

"Nice to meet you," I said to Sam, before briefly hugging Billy. He was like a second father to me. "How's it going, Billy? You look exactly the same."

"You don't, honey. Prettier than the last time I saw you," he said, smiling. "Will you stay for dinner?"

"Sorry, Billy. I'm not feeling really well right now, so I better go."

"You okay, Bells?" Jacob asked me concerned. "Do you want me to drive you?"

"No, I just feel a little dizzy, that's all," I said.

"I could follow you guys and drive Jacob back, if you want," Sam suggested. "It's not safe to drive if you don't feel well."

"I'll get her home and call you later," Jacob said to Sam.

I had to agree because I was starting to feel really bad. I just wanted to go home.

Jacob drove my truck like a maniac to get me home as quickly as possible. He told me to talk to him nonstop to make sure I didn't faint on him.

"You took a wrong turn, Jacob," I said weakly when we were in town.

"Bells, you look too pale. It's scaring me. I'm taking you to the hospital," he said.

"No! No, please, no hospitals." My mother had died in a hospital in Olympia. "Please, please…" I started repeating until the darkness surrounded me.

· - ·

The lights were too bright. I couldn't open my eyes completely.

_Where am I?_

"Isabella?" A soft voice called me. "Isabella?"

"Where am I?" I asked in a husky voice. I finally opened my eyes and focused on the man beside me. He was like a God, a fallen Angel, blond, perfect.

"I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen. You're in Forks Hospital. How do you feel?" He was stunning. What was with me and doctors? I just couldn't think straight.

"Shitty. Thanks for asking," I responded; my mouth was dry.

"Do you know why are you here, what happened?"

I looked around and saw Jacob's worried face behind the doctor and, surprisingly, my father, who offered me a plastic cup of water, at the other side of the bed. After two of those cups I felt a little better.

"I started feeling bad. Jacob was driving me home," I recalled. "You're Emmett's father?"

"That's right," he smiled at me. "Isabella—"

"Just Bella," I cut him off.

"Well, Bella, your father tells me you're going to be in Forks for a while, so we've requested your medical history. Since this is a small town, and because your doctor was transferred, it won't arrive until next week or later. We did a blood test and it resulted with a bit of anemia, so that might have been the cause of your dizziness and fainting. But, I wanted to ask you…" Dr. Cullen paused before finishing "…is there anything important we should know about?"

"Uh…" I straightened up in the bed.

"Bells, are you pregnant?" Charlie asked me.

"Dad, it would've shown up in the blood test, but I'm pretty sure I'm not," I said, mentally rolling my eyes. Jacob snorted and Dr. Hottie smiled at us, but still kept looking at me funny.

"Okay. We're going to keep you under observation for a few more hours and then you can go," he said finally.

Jacob left ten minutes later to take care of his father, but not before kissing the top of my head and whispering kind words. I sent Charlie away to grab some dinner for himself, and I stayed in bed, bored.

I knew what had been the cause of my faint: I hadn't taken my pills. But I wasn't about to tell that to Carlisle, especially not in the presence of my father. I just wanted to go home and never make that mistake again. But my history would arrive and then I would have to talk to Dr. Cullen about it. I didn't know why, but the thought of him knowing terrified me.

A knock on the door brought me back to reality.

"Come in," I said, and a tall figure surprised me by entering the white and blue room.

"Carlisle just told me you were here," he said, scratching the back of his head.

"Is this a courtesy visit?" I questioned, "or an obligated one?"

"C'mon girl, Dad tells me you practically begged for me, couldn't stop bringing up my name." He laughed and moved to stand beside my bed.

"Emmett, what are you doing here, really?" I chuckled, pointing to the chair behind him. He took it and returned to my side, sitting down.

"I came with my girlfriend to visit some kids in pediatrics," he explained.

"Do you do that often?" I was intrigued.

"Well, she really likes kids, and because she's pretty well known and all… Famous people should use their position to do good things." He laughed at my confused face. "Besides, I'm her bodyguard; she kind of pays me to come with her."

"Famous? Bodyguard? Who the hell is your girlfriend, Mariah Carey?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Not quite. It's Rosalie Hale, actually," Emmett said.

"The supermodel slash actress?"

He nodded, grinning.

"No way!" I exclaimed.

"Yes way. I've been her bodyguard for three years now, and we've been together two and a half."

"Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale… Who would have thought?" I teased.

"Tell me about it," he said, chuckling. "So, how are you?"

"Fine, actually. I had a picnic with an old friend from the rez, and now I'm just waiting for the all clear to go home."

"Hey, you know, my brother has been interrogating me about you," Emmett said casually, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "He seemed pretty interested."

"What have you told him, Emmett?"

"Nothing bad, I promise." His pager beeped. He took it out of his jeans to check it before putting it back in his pocket and turning to me. "Listen, we've planned a barbecue at the house this weekend; my sister will be here too. Would you like to come?"

I thought for a moment. Did I want to go?

"Yeah… sounds good. I think Charlie will go fishing anyway, so I won't have to cook for him," I said.

"There's a spare room if you wanna stay the night, too." Emmett winked at me. _Huh?_

"I don't know about that…" I said, unsure.

"Either way, I want you there to have some fun at the pool, so don't forget a sexy bikini." He stood up before I could respond. "See ya tomorrow, girl. Take care."

_Where to begin?_ I thought. _Right._ _I don't even have a bikini._

What the hell would he want me there for? Of course, I was happy at the idea of seeing his sister Alice again. She was my age and I remembered her being a nice girl. But his brother?

_Edward. _

I wasn't sure I was interested in tolerating his ridiculous jokes at my expense. Was I ready to see him again? Sure, he was easy on the eyes, and if there was a pool involved… maybe I would have fun after all. I would have to buy a bathing suit on my way to the Cullens'.

· - ·

**Needless to say, Edward will be back next week. That's going to be a good one, I promise. And I'll send a teeny tiny teaser to those of you who review (so I know you're interested), because I couldn't find anything that was right to post on The Fictionators blog and Twific Central. See you next Friday!**


	5. Moody

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Wendy (beta) and Jen (prereader) kick ass!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 4 – Moody**

**June 21st—Saturday **

I was driving my truck, which was making an unusual noise. I cursed at the piece of junk for being so old and prayed that I'd arrive at the Cullens' safe.

Okay, I was nervous, so what?

Once again, I reviewed my items:

_Comfortable clothes? Check._

_Sunglasses? Check._

_New bikini? Check._

_Overnight bag? Check._

I had always been a just-in-case girl.

Carlisle had come to my room at the hospital before I left to give me the address to the house, since neither Emmett nor I had thought that I'd been there before. Sure, we knew each other from school, but only because we had friends in common. Apparently communication was not a problem in the Cullen family, and Carlisle did give me directions.

The damned truck was making me suffer at every turn. When I finally arrived at the Cullens' and parked at the end of the driveway, the old thing made a loud noise and stopped dead. I saw a lot of smoke coming from the front and just stayed in the cabin, stunned.

Soon, Emmett opened my door and helped me out. A woman I recognized from movies and magazines as Rosalie Hale walked after him and then to the garage door, to the left of the main entrance.

"Looks like the beast couldn't handle it anymore," Emmett said. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It was making strange noises, so I guess I should feel lucky it got me all the way here before breaking down," I responded, and he chuckled. His cute dimples and light brown hair contrasted with his buff body, and he looked like a giant sweet child when he laughed.

Rosalie came back with a pair of gloves and waved at me as she went to the front of my truck to open the hood. Gray smoke billowed up from the engine. Emmett and I approached Rosalie, who was looking inside the machine with a concentrated expression.

"Rose loves cars. Isn't she great?" he whispered.

"It looks bad, to be honest. It'll have to be seen by a professional," Rosalie said and turned to me before taking off her greasy gloves. "Rosalie. It's nice to meet you, Bella."

"You too," I said as I shook her hand, stunned. She was even more beautiful in person, and seemed genuinely nice.

"Let's go inside, ladies. We'll take care of this thing later. Besides, you don't have to leave until tomorrow, right?" Emmett winked at me.

As we walked to the front door, I took a better look at the house. To say that it was huge and gorgeous would be an understatement. The place looked directly transported from the Lara Croft videogames and movies, in a modern version.

Emmett said everyone was out back, at the indoor pool. He said this so casually, as if it was so natural to have a heated pool in Forks, Washington. I followed the couple through the house to the pool. Sitting around a wooden table, I recognized Alice. She sat on—who I assumed was—his boyfriend's lap. Across from them were Carlisle and his wife. They were all dressed casually, just like me, and that put me at ease. Even Carlisle, whom I had only ever seen in his white doctor's coat, looked relaxed.

"Bella!" Alice squealed as she jumped from the blond's lap to embrace me.

"Hey, Alice." I choked. For such a short, tiny person, she sure was strong.

"This is my fiancé, Jasper Whitlock." She introduced us, and I shook his hand. He was as tall as me and very handsome. It was obvious to me how well he fit with this family, and I realized that I felt a little out of place amongst them. Why was I so nervous?

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Jasper said. He seemed like a good man.

Carlisle approached me with a smile on his perfect face, hand-in-hand with his beautiful wife.

"Bella, this is Esme, my wife," he said. I went to shake her hand when she hugged me tenderly but firmly.

"I've heard so much about you… I already feel like I know you, dear," Esme said in my ear. I couldn't help but think of my mother, Renee. I wondered if they would have been friends, if they had ever met.

Alice was soon at my side and hurrying everyone out to the dining room.

"Edward will be down shortly. He woke up just ten minutes ago," she said to me, rolling her eyes.

The table was already wonderfully prepared when we entered the room and everyone sat quickly at their seats. Jasper motioned for me to take the chair between his and where I assumed Esme would sit. The empty seat across from me would obviously be for Edward.

He entered shortly after Esme and Alice brought some plates full of delicious-looking meals Esme had cooked herself. I didn't see him until he went to kiss his mother on her cheek, because I had my back to the door. When he sat at the table, he sighed, looked at me through his piercing green eyes, and smiled crookedly. His hair was damp and looked darker, but still he was really handsome. I imagined him in the shower and felt my cheeks redden.

"Hello, Isabella," he said with his distinctive velvety voice. It didn't make me less irritable.

"Bella."

He chuckled and shook his head. Then I noticed the silence at the table, it was like everyone was closely observing our conversation.

Fortunately, Carlisle asked me about Charlie and the tension in the air was eased. After that, the conversation flowed around our early years at Forks High and Emmett's stories about his senior year. Edward ate mostly in silence since he hadn't been here in those times, but seemed to be interested in hearing the stories nevertheless.

I learned that Esme was a writer and a painter. She told me I would make a good model and I just looked at Rosalie, wondering if she was offended, because I really didn't see myself as such. She didn't say anything, just kept eating in silence, but I did notice Edward smirking. I just didn't understand him, and certainly wasn't interested in whatever he was thinking about. Or maybe I was?

After lunch, Alice gave me the tour. There were five bedrooms upstairs: one for each sibling, one for Carlisle and Esme—each with its own complete bathroom—and one for guests. There was another bathroom at the end of the hallway and an office. There was another bathroom downstairs, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, and a big library with a black baby grand piano, apart from the pool.

Alice told me she was a jewelry designer, currently working in Vegas as a Swarovski sales associate. She was considering starting a fashion line, too. She loved it, which I didn't doubt; just seeing her, you could tell.

It really was a complemented family. A doctor, a couple of artists, a bodyguard…

Afterward, we moved to the living room, and Rosalie reminded me about my truck. I explained what had happened to the others and that I planned to call Jacob so that he could get the truck and bring it to his workshop to fix whatever was wrong. I thought he would give me a good deal. This prompted Alice to politely inquire about my relationship with Jacob. I only had nice things to say about him. I told them about my picnic with him, which brought me to Emmett's invitation at the hospital.

"So, you're with the dog?" Edward asked me after a moment.

"Edward," Esme warned and, at the same time, Carlisle said, "Son."

"Excuse me?" I said incredulous.

"Come on, Isabella, don't tell me you don't know about how famous Jacob Black is around Port Angeles," Edward said with a wicked smile on his face.

"He's not a dog; he's my best friend." I was trying to remain calm, because I knew the bastard was just playing with me.

"Emmett," Edward called turning to his brother. By this point, everyone was on alert. "Doesn't Isabella consider you a friend too? I would be offended to be included in the category. I mean, the guy didn't even go to college. He must be too stupid."

"Dude—" Emmett started saying, but I cut him off.

"You know, Edward, I hope you're satisfied with yourself right now because you're proving how awful a person you really are. I'm sorry for you, and I'm sorry your parents had to listen to that." I looked at him intently, and his smile disappeared. "And do you want to know something else? I didn't go to college either, but—just like Jacob—not because I'm too stupid for that, because I _couldn't_."

I stood and walked away muttering 'asshole' for everyone to hear.

· - ·

Even from the bathroom I could hear muffled voices; it seemed like someone was shouting.

I carefully wiped angry tears and the resulting dark eyeliner-stains from under my eyes and wondered why his words affected me so much. I _knew_ he was teasing me, getting me worked up and angry on purpose, but for what?

I splashed my face with icy water, took several deep breaths, took my pills and sat at the toilet lid for a few minutes. Then I heard Emmett yell, "Don't be stupid!" and the girls telling him to calm down at the other side of the door. Then someone knocked on it.

"It's open," I said.

Esme entered the bathroom with a small smile and closed the door again. She leaned against the sink and looked at me for a moment.

"Bella—"

"Esme," I said lifting my hand to stop her. "I'm sorry I insulted your son in front of everyone, he's just been…"

"An asshole?" she asked and smiled. "I know. Emmett hit him in the face."

"What?"

"Yes. Ah, don't worry, dear, it's just a little bit of blood on his lip. He'll be fine." Her son just took a beating from a bodyguard, who happened to be her other son. How was she being so calm about it? "I don't condone violence, even less when it occurs between my sons, but I will say—and I'll deny this if they ask me later—Edward could use a punch in the face for once."

"I… I don't even know what to say," I said honestly.

"Oh, but you said enough. The things he said…" Esme knelt next to me and took my hand. "Bella, my son is a nice man, really. He just likes to tease the women he likes, because he says he likes them feisty." She chuckled and continued. "Even though he was just teasing you, he doesn't know you or your sensitivities enough to treat you the way he did."

"I guess I didn't pass the test," I said.

"Don't underestimate yourself, honey. We _all_ like you," she said softly.

· - ·

We didn't see Edward for the rest of the day. After swimming with the rest of the group through the afternoon, I retreated upstairs to clean and change clothes. After my shower, I put on clean underwear, black yoga pants and a red tank top. While I towel dried my hair, I realized I should call Jacob about the truck. I walked down the hall from the bathroom to the guestroom and noticed the door across from mine was swiftly closing. A flash of bronze hair was all I could see before the door shut.

_Edward's room._

If I had to be honest, I really didn't want to be mad at him, but I couldn't go and talk to him. I thought it was him who should come to me and apologize, which he hadn't yet. Emmett had told me Edward just needed to calm down and let things cool off before taking his head out of the hole of shame he was immersed at the moment. And because of that, I couldn't help but feel bad for him.

I had a brief conversation with Jacob. He told me he would pick up the truck as soon as he could, but couldn't promise to have it fixed before Monday, which was okay with me. The Cullens' had, like, five cars; surely one of them could take me home the next day.

Esme cooked again for dinner. I helped her while the guys (except for Edward) watched some game on television. Rosalie and Alice played beauty salon—painting their nails and whatnot.

I told Esme all about my mother, how much her death had affected me and how much I missed her. I couldn't help but cry when I remembered things from when I was little. Fortunately, I was cutting onions, so I didn't need to explain myself. But of course, Esme knew better. She didn't say anything; she just kissed me on the cheek and rubbed my back a couple of times.

As I was wiping away my tears, Edward entered the kitchen. He paused for a moment to look at me, then he just opened the fridge and took out some orange juice before he disappeared again. When dinner was ready, Esme went upstairs and returned without her son. She simply said he wasn't ready yet. Ready for what exactly? _Moody kid._ Maybe his cocky façade was just a cover for a man full of insecurities.

At dinner, I told everyone about my call with Jacob. Carlisle said it was okay for my truck to be there until my friend came to pick it up even though I probably wasn't going to be there.

The rest of the night went great. The food was perfect and the company much better. After watching a movie, I went to bed around ten.

· - ·

My head was spinning. About eight hours had passed since I last took my pills and I was starting to feel the nausea again. I finished the water from the bottle on my bedside table and stood up. I tried to be as quiet as possible and opened my door slowly so I wouldn't wake up anybody. Edward's door was open, but it was too dark to see inside.

I walked down the stairs and entered the kitchen. I took my pills with a glass of water and moved to go to the stairs again when I heard something.

_Music._

I followed the sound to the library door. It was the piano playing. Alice hadn't told me who was that played the piano in the family, but I assumed it was Esme, because she seemed to have great piano hands. I opened the door as slowly as I could and stuck my head in.

What I saw made me think I was dreaming.

Edward was sitting on the piano bench with his back to me, and he was playing beautifully, touching the keys with his fingers as if he was caressing them. The sweet melody filled the room, and the presence of the man before me was almost magical.

He was wearing navy blue sweatpants and a white sleeveless shirt, so thin it was almost see-through.

Before I knew it, I was inside the room, still clinging to the knob, and the door creaked. Immediately, Edward missed a note and stopped playing. I was about to close the door with the intention of running to the stairs before he saw me when he turned, and his expression changed from annoyed to surprised.

"I'm sorry," I hurried to say. "I thought I heard something. I was just leaving."

"Wait," he said behind me. I turned again as he made a gesture for me to approach him.

I didn't even hesitate to enter. I closed the door behind me and walked to him. He made room for me on the bench, and I slowly sat next to him, facing the piano.

"Bella," he said and sighed. No _Isabella_, but Bella. "I'm really sorry. I apologize for everything I said before; I didn't mean it."

"Those were horrible things to say, Edward," I said. He was watching my every reaction, but I couldn't look at him. I knew those green eyes would dazzle me.

"I know. I didn't know what I was saying… I regret it. Please forgive me?"

"I forgive you, Edward, but I can't forget. Why did you say it?"

He sighed again, resigned. "I guess I just wanted to get your attention," he said, and I looked at him. I didn't understand. "I know it's childish, but I really wanted you to notice me… and you were saying how much you had missed the guy, what a good friend he is…"

"I still don't understand. You wanted me to notice you? What does that mean?"

"I saw you at the store with the strange couple, then you bumped into me. You're interesting." He chuckled softly. "I don't know. Emmett said I was stupid… and I guess he's right. I'm really sorry."

I sighed this time.

"Thank you for being honest. I forgive you, but it doesn't mean you can talk to me that way again…" I said, and saw him smile lightly "…or call me Isabella."

"Sure… Bella." He laughed and I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Do you play?" Edward asked me.

I stared at the keys for a few seconds before playing the opening notes of a song my mother had taught me years ago when Charlie bought me a Nord Stage. I remembered very few notes. Edward was silent for a moment, and I feared I had embarrassed myself in front of a great piano player.

"Clair de Lune is great," he said eventually, and I chuckled.

"How did you even recognize it? I was awful!" I said.

"Not that awful," he responded softly. "Here."

Edward took my hands in his, tentatively at first, and moved my fingers as we played the piece slowly. He was really good and I could never have imagined playing it that well by myself. His touch was light but determined, and I let him lead my hands through the keys the way he wanted. It was kind of tricky, but I just let myself go.

When the song finished, he didn't let go of my hands right away. I stared at him as he rubbed the back of my hands with his thumbs. I noticed his mouth was a bit open, and his lips were red and very kissable.

"So soft…" he muttered and let go of my hands, his fingers lingering as long as possible.

I remembered Esme's words: 'Bella, my son is a nice man, really.' I wanted to believe that, and he had just proved he could be sweet. But was this safe for our hearts?

Edward met my eyes and I saw them darken. Mine drifted to his top lip. I gently rubbed it with my thumb and he parted his mouth a little more. I could see his wet, pink tongue. The image I had in front of me was enough to fill some of my private fantasies for a while.

I realized we were really close. I moved even closer.

Suddenly, the door opened and we turned to see who the hell was interrupting us.

"Whoops! We were just looking for somewhere more private. The pool is already taken, so… don't worry, keep going," Jasper said in two seconds before closing the door again.

Edward stood and walked around the bench.

"I'm off to bed. This floor is taken by the horny people." He chuckled uncomfortably.

"Me too," I said, feeling a little disappointed. "I mean, I'm going to bed too."

_Yeah, like I wasn't horny after that piano session._

We walked up the stairs and opened our doors before turning to look at each other.

"Well… goodnight," I said.

"Goodnight, Bella."

· - ·

***Edward plays 'Senza Fine' at the piano when she interrupts him. ** youtu(.)be/K2lFxR7k1MA** - they play the original song by Gino Paoli in the movie.****  
**

**- Also, I'm aware of what's happening lately, with stories being pulled (again). That sucks. So far, I don't think this story is breaking any rules. For the time being, I'm not going to move it-but I'll have a backup place for my other completed fics. I'll probably start moving them to The Writer's Coffee Shop when I have some time... Thanks for reading!**


	6. Barbecue

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Wendy (beta) and Jen (prereader) are rockstars.

**So, apparently you're all going to support the boycott? Okay, well... technically it's already Friday here, so I'm still posting in my regular schedule. Ha!**

· - ·

**CHAPTER 5 – Barbecue **

**June 22nd—Sunday**

I showered and dressed in denim shorts and a light blue blouse. After that, I walked down the stairs to the kitchen, where Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper were preparing breakfast. I entered and greeted them. They flashed me bright smiles.

"Bella," Rosalie started. She looked gorgeous in a red mini dress and black low-heeled sandals. You would've thought we were in Miami instead of Washington. "Did you have fun yesterday?"

"Yes. I wanted to thank you guys for inviting me. The pool is amazing," I responded politely.

"Indeed," Rosalie muttered to her glass of orange juice before sipping it. Alice and Jasper laughed.

"What about the piano?" Alice asked. I blushed furiously at the memory; for a moment I had forgotten they saw Edward and me in there. "Aw, honey, don't be embarrassed. Tell us how did it go?"

"He apologized, we played the piano for a while and… that's it," I said.

"That's it?" Rosalie asked, incredulous.

"I saw you guys. Hell, I almost saw the lusty sparks," Jasper said, smiling.

"There was none of that," I said defensively.

Alice sighed and offered me a glass of orange juice.

"Bella, my brother is a great catch. And there's something between you two. I see it… We all do. So don't be—excuse me—stupid; do something about it. We like you, and Edward likes you, too."

I thought about it for a moment. I didn't have much time, so why waste it wondering about shit? I could just go for it and have fun. Edward seemed like a nice man—when he wasn't teasing me, of course. But he only did it so I would notice him, and that I did, for sure. He was handsome, well built physically, and smart. He was talented, too. Those hands…

"I like you, too. _All_ of you," I said, looking at my glass. "And I think you're right, Alice, there's something there." She started clapping her hands, nearly screeching, and then she hugged me.

"I'm so happy Edward found someone. Finally!"

"Yay…" Rosalie said without as much enthusiasm, but she was smirking, and Jasper snickered.

"It'll help him compose, I hope," he said. "It's been too long."

"How long?" I asked.

"_Too_ long. Let's leave it at that," Jasper said and smiled reassuringly. "I'm his agent. I would know."

I raised my eyebrows surprised.

"He's a better wingman," a familiar velvety voice said behind me.

I turned to see Edward in all his casual glory, wearing khaki pants and a black t-shirt. He looked at me and smiled. How could I not smile back?

"Yeah, well, that's certainly easier than getting you to record anything new," Jasper stated.

Edward laughed as he poured himself a glass of juice. "Oh, but I _love_ playing movie scores!" he said, rolling his eyes. He chuckled and then sighed, still smiling. "Don't worry, something just started forming in my mind, I think."

Alice and Jasper exchanged a meaningful look.

"What is it?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know yet, but I'll work on it this week. It's already finished in here," he said, pointing at his temple. "But it'll need some polishing."

So Edward was a professional pianist. Not a bad catch; Alice was definitely right. I looked at him and caught him staring. He just grinned.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked after a moment.

"He's preparing everything for the barbecue. Today's a bright day, so we'll eat outside, near the lake," Alice said. "It won't be as warm as the pool, but we can take a swim anyway, so don't forget your swimsuits, guys." She winked at me and walked away, hand-in-hand with Jasper.

"I'm going to help Em," Edward said and brushed by me letting out a very low moan. "Smells good in here."

My eyes widened. I turned around at the same time Edward did, and he winked at me. That simple gesture, paired with his words, stirred something deep inside me. When I moved to clean my glass, Rosalie was beside me.

"You'll be good for him. I haven't seen him so alive before," she said and walked away, too.

· - ·

Edward was taking the bags out of the trunk of his Volvo as I looked around. We were near a lake, across the woods from the Cullens' house. There were two old picnic tables and a cement barbeque near them. I could see a little dock several yards away. It was a quiet place, very peaceful. The weather was just right, considering it was Forks. Not too warm, not too chilly. Perfect.

Emmett brought everything from sausages and hamburgers to beers and soda. Esme started making a special sauce while Emmett salted the food and Jasper prepared the drinks.

They all whined when Edward set his wireless iPod speakers and classical music started playing through them. He and I laughed, and then he changed it to some classic rock. John Lennon's harmonica in 'Love Me Do' started playing, and Edward smiled at me as Carlisle started singing along, while Jasper and Alice danced playfully.

I could practically touch the happiness and love around them. It was so contagious.

Some time later, lunch was ready and we all sat at the picnic table. I found myself sandwiched between Edward and Emmett. Edward had been nothing but sweet and thoughtful all day. I wondered if he noticed all the looks and smiles the rest of the family directed to us, too. At the table, it was almost overwhelming.

"Can I ask you a question, Bella?" Emmett said with his mouth full.

"Sure," I responded hesitantly.

"What was your job in Phoenix?"

They all looked at me expectantly.

I hadn't said a word about it yet. I'd only told Esme that I wasn't happy there anymore. Running away from the memories of Renee had been the stupidest idea I'd ever had. Unfortunately, it took me four years to realize it.

"Uh… I was a doorwoman in a building," I said looking at my plate.

"Seriously?" Emmett asked.

I nodded, and the table was silent.

"That's the best I could get," I said. "I didn't go to college, remember?"

I heard Edward curse under his breath, and Emmett shifted in his seat uncomfortably. I sighed resigned.

"My mother died several years ago," I continued. "She'd been dealing with some health problems, and we only had money for her to get tested and treated, so I just stayed here after graduation and worked at the diner all summer. She died when I was nineteen, and I just couldn't handle being here anymore. I ended up in Phoenix, where it was the opposite from here, always sunny and dry. I barely saw Charlie, but it felt enough for both of us. So… that's my story."

I smiled without humor and looked up. I didn't want to see those faces; sympathetic and understanding. Even Rosalie seemed affected. They had no idea.

"My parents died, too," I heard beside me. I looked at Edward's teary eyes and gasped. His mouth curved upwards in a tiny smile. "Look at me. Did you really think I could be this monster's brother?" he asked referring to Emmett, who let out a small laugh.

Truthfully, I thought they looked nothing alike, but I never thought about the possibility that they might not be blood brothers.

"We took in Edward when he was seven; Emmett was five and Alice four," Carlisle explained.

I noticed the loving look Esme was dedicating Edward.

Surely, Alice had bright gray eyes and dark brown hair like Emmett, except he was huge and she was tiny. Looking at it from outside, it was a little funny.

Edward wrapped his left arm around me and squeezed my arm reassuringly. I smiled sadly at him and he returned it. The urge to comfort him was so strong; I would have kissed him if there hadn't been an audience.

Rosalie broke the silence then, and she and Emmett started telling stories about their work. When the conversation shifted to their sexcapades, and Alice and Jasper joined in, I stood up to help Esme and Carlisle clean up the table.

Carlisle asked me about my health problems, and I told him I was taking the pills he prescribed me – which wasn't exactly true. Since Dr. Cullen thought the reason I fainted the other day was because of anemia, I could take my actual pills without having to hide.

After putting away the trash, I turned to see Edward behind me, grinning like a kid with a plan. He had a bag with towels in his right hand, and with the other, he took mine, leading me to the dock. He stopped at the end of it and let go of my hand and the bag. Neither of us had said a word yet.

He just stared at me and smiled as he pulled his shirt over his head and revealed his fine-but-not-overly muscled chest. And what a view that was. He was incredibly well toned, and in the low-waist pants he was wearing, I could even see the subtle trail of bronze hair below his navel. I stood there stunned, clearly checking him out until he chuckled and snapped me out of my shock.

"My clothes for yours," he said.

I took my shirt off slowly, without the courage to look at him, and I saw him turn around and take off his pants out of the corner of my eye. I looked up and couldn't help but be fascinated. He had a perfect back, perfect thighs and legs, and of course, a perfect round butt, which screamed to be squeezed—or spanked. He was wearing green swim trunks.

Edward Cullen was too gorgeous for his own good, and I felt like a pervert. _My God, I need some sexing already. It's been too long since I got some._

He unexpectedly jumped into the nearly transparent water. When his head finally resurfaced, he shook it. His darkened hair splashed water all around. It seemed like I was in that commercial with the hot guy from 'Lost.' Except that I was with Edward, who was way hotter.

"Hey, are you coming in or not?" He chuckled. Oh, yes, I was close to coming, just not in the way he meant.

I quickly stripped to my black bikini, sensing his gaze on me, and sat on the end of the dock, feeling the cold water around my feet. Before I knew it, Edward was under me, gently grabbing my ankles, and I let myself fall into the water.

When I got my head out, Edward pushed me down again. I returned to the surface, out of breath and startled.

"You okay? I didn't mean to hurt you or anything," he said looking genuinely concerned. "I'm sorry, Bella."

He tried to reach me but I caught him off guard and pushed his head in the water, just like he had done to me.

We started playing in the water like kids for a while, laughing, chasing one another, and simply having a great time. The rest of the family joined us eventually, and the afternoon flew by.

I realized that sharing the day with these people I barely knew made me happy. I couldn't remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much.

When the air became chillier and dark clouds threatened to pour rain on us, Edward volunteered to drive me home. I couldn't move my truck, and he said he was probably going to be home when Jacob came to pick it up, so I didn't need to worry about it. I gave him my keys and he drove his Volvo back to the house so that I could get my things and say goodbye to everybody.

"I'll miss you, Bella," Alice said to my ear. She and Jasper were going back to Vegas.

Jasper chuckled. "We'll see her soon, I'm sure, Alice," he said.

"I'll miss you, too," I whispered, even though I knew Jasper was probably right.

In the car, Edward switched on his iPod and classical music started playing again. We laughed for a few good minutes.

"I'm so tired, but I had fun," I said after a moment.

He pushed a button to close the windows when it started raining.

"Yeah, me too. I don't think I would've had as much fun if you hadn't been there," Edward said.

I looked up at him, and he smiled without taking his eyes from the road. The song that was playing finished and changed to another.

"Is this you playing?" I asked.

"Yes."

"It's beautiful."

He smiled again, pleased.

Finally, we arrived at my house and saw that the cruiser wasn't parked in the driveway. The rain was heavy now. Charlie would probably work a double shift at the station. I sighed softly.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"What do you plan to do here?"

I looked at Edward, who was watching me expectantly. _My plan? Good question._

"I don't know. I'm making up to Charlie right now, cleaning, cooking… you know. He told me not to worry about the money, but I can't just stay here and do nothing."

"Will you go back to Phoenix?" Edward asked hesitantly. His eyes were so expressive. I couldn't lie. Something sparkled in them when I simply shook my head. "Would it be okay if we saw each other again?"

"Are you asking me out, Cullen?" I chuckled to ease the tension.

"Yes, actually."

I reached in my bag for a paper and a pencil, wrote my cell number on it, and gave it to Edward with a smile.

"Call me."

"Will do," he said.

We were silent for a moment, just staring at each other and hearing distant rumbles of thunder. Edward reached out his right hand and stroked my cheek very gently for a while. My heart was pounding violently, and I was praying for him to kiss me, but he never did, until I couldn't handle it anymore.

"If you don't kiss me right now, I'm going to scream," I said, looking him in the eye.

Edward didn't even attempt to move, and I started screaming, which snapped something in him. He took my face in his hands and quickly brought his lips to mine, effectively shutting me up.

His lips were soft, and he moved them with determination against mine. He sucked, nibbled and licked my mouth to his liking, and I let him, because it was the sexiest and most pleasurable thing anyone had ever done to me.

We pulled away slowly and reluctantly, both of us panting. I couldn't take my eyes off of his. They were so green and bright. Then I noticed the song that was playing in his iPod was 'Clair de Lune.' Edward grinned at me, and I chuckled. He leaned in to kiss me briefly again, and I caressed his flushed cheeks.

We didn't stop. We didn't want to stop. We kissed and kissed, letting ourselves go as it turned into a heavy make out session. At least the seats in the car were comfortable.

It got to a point where the windows were fogged, it seemed like the sky would fall on us with the storm at full blast, and my body was desperate for something more.

"Damn," Edward said, panting. "Why is it inappropriate to do this in front of your house again?"

"Oh." _Of course. Not the right place._ "I would invite you to come in, but even I don't want to get out of here with this storm."

We decided to stay inside the car until the rain stopped or at least calmed down. Edward turned off the engine and the heating, and took out a couple of blankets he had under the seats, in a compartment Rosalie had installed, apparently. I didn't really want to talk about her or anyone else for that matter, so we resumed kissing. I could never tire of it, and we only stopped when our lips (and necks) felt too sore.

I looked into his eyes and he smiled goofily at me. I lightly pinched his cheek with affection. This side of him was adorable.

We stayed silent for a while, each of us wrapped in our blankets, and I started to get sleepy.

I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep until a knock on my side woke me up. Startled, I sat upright and wiped out the window to see the aggravated face of my father.

· - ·

**Wendy's comment: "Oh, no." - Jen liked Jasper's "lusty sparks" comment. We use it constantly to reference the sexy times *grin***

**Tell me things, guys! And expect teasers this next week on The Fictionators blog and Twific Central. Also, I'm (at)LovegoodBetty on twitter.**

**See you next Friday! xx**


	7. Inspiration

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Biggest thank you to Wendy (beta) and Jen (pre reader). This was one of the hardest chapters to get done. But because they're so pretty and talented, this is one of my favorites. And here is where the story gets raunchy (just a little bit).

· - ·

**CHAPTER 6 – Inspiration **

**June 23rd—Monday **

"Fuck," I muttered before looking at Edward, who was sleeping soundlessly, reclined against the driver door. His nose was slightly pink from the cold.

I opened the door on my side, trying not to wake him. I noticed my neck was stiff, and it was as cold inside the car as it was outside, but I'd had probably the best sleep in a long time. In fact, I was still in a big cloud of happiness, and I didn't hear what Charlie asked me as I closed the door of the car.

I registered what he'd said a few seconds later. "Where's your truck?"

"Broken," I said. "It's at the Cullens'. I already called Jacob, and he's going to pick it up tomorrow to fix it in his shop."

"And who is that?" Charlie asked, pointing to the window with puckered brows.

"Edward Cullen."

"Ah. The pianist?"

"He's very talented, Dad. You have to listen to him play someday," I assured him as I walked to the other side of the car. "I'll wake him up. I need to take a shower and change."

"Sure, Bells…" he said from behind me. "I just called to the house to check up on you, but you didn't pick up the phone."

I realized when I looked up at him that he had been unnecessarily worried about me.

"Dad… I'm sorry," I said. "The storm was too heavy; we stayed inside the car and fell asleep."

He nodded. I walked up to him and hugged him. I felt he was surprised at first, but he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

"By the way, not that you need approval or anything, 'cause you're a grown-up now, but I know Dr. Cullen, and I think he's a good kid, that Edgard."

"You know his name's Edward." I smiled at him when we pulled apart.

"Just… tell him I'd like to meet him properly. When he's not asleep in front of my house."

"Now you're just assuming things, Dad. He's not my boyfriend," I said, chuckling but secretly loving the fact that Charlie approved.

There was a long pause before he said, "Alright, well… I'm gonna go back to work now. There's a lot of paperwork waiting for me at the station."

He kissed my forehead—something that he did more often now—and left in his patrol car.

I had thought several times about telling Charlie about the tumor. He was the greatest man I knew. He had fought so hard to keep my mom alive and was devastated when she died. They were high school sweethearts, the loves of each others' lives, and they were ripped apart from one another so tragically. We were both so broken after my mother's death that we became distant. That was one of the reasons of my leaving. I hated seeing my dad so sullen.

As I opened the driver's door of Edward's car and looked at him, I couldn't help but relate to my father's situation. I found myself second guessing my willingness to open up to Edward and his family, to let them in my life just to break their hearts in a couple months.

In my pocket, I felt the piece of paper that contained my bucket list. I decided to give myself a chance at love and happiness for the last time. If my father could survive my Mom's death, so could Edward. He wouldn't know me for that long anyway.

A shiver ran through my spine as I crouched before him, feeling the cold in my bones. I looked at his peaceful face, and memories of the last two nights—at the piano and in the car—filled my mind. I never wanted to see him in pain. I hated having to make him suffer, even though it was not entirely intentional. I couldn't help how I felt, and I cared very much for him already, yes. But I also wanted—almost needed—to be around him. I caressed his cheek gently as I felt a pang of guilt, and a single warm teardrop ran down my cold face before I quickly wiped it away.

Edward finally opened his eyes and looked at me. "Hey," he said in a husky voice, frowning and hugging himself with the blanket.

"C'mon, Sleeping Beauty, it's freezing cold today. I'll fix us something for breakfast," I said, smiling.

· - ·

I loaned Edward some sweatpants and a hoodie from Charlie, which looked funny on him, but he seemed to be comfortable in them. I had always seen him dressed in nice clothes.

He entered the kitchen after taking a shower just as I finished mixing the ingredients for pancakes. He offered to finish making them while I took my shower. I thanked him with a kiss on his cheek. He smelled delicious.

When I returned downstairs, he had displayed everything on the table: a plate of pancakes for us to share, two cups of coffee and two glasses of orange juice. He smiled at me when I told him I was pleasantly surprised, and I couldn't resist hugging him tightly. For some reason, I felt very emotional this morning since I had my conversation with my dad. Which reminded me…

"Charlie wants to meet you."

Edward pulled me back by my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"He… saw us outside this morning," I explained, looking down at our feet.

"Oh."

"Yeah, so he thought… that you are… that we are… you know, I told him—"

"Bella." He gently forced my head up to meet his eyes again and smiled. "I've already met your father."

"Huh?"

"Carlisle introduced us one day at the diner, and since then we've played poker a couple times."

I processed that information and suddenly it made sense that my father knew about Edward being a pianist and thinking he was a good guy. I had attributed that to gossip.

"You've played poker together?" I never thought of my dad that way: smoking cigars, drinking whiskey, and gambling. I hadn't thought of Edward that way, either.

He chuckled. "Well, it's usually just Carlisle, a couple guys from the station, your dad, and me. And he beats me every time. Maybe that's why he likes me."

"Hmm…"

"Actually, he talked about you a little. It made me want to meet you," Edward said, squeezing me closer. "Now here you are."

This kiss wasn't totally unexpected. What was unexpected was the feeling of his body, tight against mine, and his hands roaming dangerously low on my hips. It hadn't been like this in the car. We couldn't be pressed together then, and we limited our hands to our faces, shoulders and hair. This was so different and exciting.

Edward backed me up against the kitchen counter, and I moaned. I ran my hands up and down his chest over the hoodie before taking the liberty of slipping my hands in it. I felt him tense and hiss.

"Cold hands," he murmured against my lips.

"Sorry." I wasn't, really.

I couldn't hop on the counter and feel him between my legs like I had seen in the movies. My head would bump against the cupboard that was over the counter, so I decided we had to change locations.

Breakfast forgotten, I took Edward's hand and pulled him toward the living room. It wasn't a bright day; it was still cloudy. The blinds were halfway down, making the room dim with soft light. We had turned the heating on as soon as we entered the house. The warmth and light—it was perfect.

Edward sat down on the couch and I straddled him, but tried to keep my weight off of him… for the moment. This way, I was hovering just above him. I wrapped my hands around the back of his neck, into his soft hair, and leaned in to kiss him. He was a really good kisser—not that I had a lot of previous experience. I felt his hands on my skin as they slipped under my sweater and caressed my back with lazy strokes. We took our time with each other, enjoying the closeness, the rhythmic pace of our tongues and lips.

As I was catching my breath from our last kiss, his lips found my neck and practically devoured it with kisses, licks, and nibbles. I moaned and panted involuntarily until he gently pushed on my back, pressing me against him. Everywhere. I gasped when I felt the bulge in his sweatpants and grinded against it. I loved the way he moaned in response and how his cheeks had become pink. I also loved how he made me feel desired, attractive… not sick. The thought passed in a flash—if he knew I was sick, he wouldn't want me like that. I closed my eyes and doubled my efforts, focusing on every sensation.

The grinding ended up frustrating me, and I felt like I needed more than that. I grabbed the hem of my sweater and stripped it up and over my head.

"My clothes for yours," I said breathlessly, repeating his words from the day before on the dock.

"Jesus," he responded in a low voice as he assaulted the swell of my breasts with his lips.

I was so turned on I couldn't see straight, but I managed to take off his hoodie and t-shirt, revealing his hard, lean torso. I ran my hands all over his chest, feeling the fine hairs that tickled my palms.

"I can't believe this is happening," he murmured against my neck before taking my earlobe in between his lips.

"Just—shut up and kiss me."

And that, he did. Thoroughly.

It felt like we had been kissing and grinding forever. I finally reached for the waistband of his sweatpants and slipped my hand inside. First, I stroked him once over his boxers, then, emboldened by the sounds of pleasure he was making, I went further. His skin was soft and hard at the same time, and I was fascinated by his girth. It wasn't a monster cock he was sporting, and while he was on the average to kinda-long side, he was definitely bigger than the ones I had experienced.

I kept a steady rhythm stroking him, feeling a bit of wetness coating my hand. He unclasped my bra, going straight for my nipples with his mouth and hands. I wondered if he was comparing my boobs to his ex's, too. He did seem to like them. And I certainly didn't care anymore when he was making me feel that good.

"Edward," I whispered, moaning, "I need more."

"I know," he responded.

"Take these off." I pulled down at his sweatpants and boxers, but realized my position had me in the way.

He still tried to take the rest of his clothes off with me sitting on him—he seemed quite attached to my breasts—until I moved quickly to grab a condom from my purse on the table beside the couch.

And there he was completely naked, sitting on my dad's couch and watching me strip out of my clothes.

When I straddled him again, everything felt different. Good different. I moved as close to Edward as I could, took him in my hand and lowered myself down on him. There were no words, no 'are you sure about this?' Just happy sounds. I guessed he probably felt about this the same way I did: it felt right.

He grabbed my hips and stopped me from moving. He seemed to be catching his breath. I kissed his lips gently until he loosened his grip, then I started slowly rocking my hips. As the pleasure started building inside me, he lifted me up until he was almost out and then let the gravity do its magic. When that wasn't enough, I increased the pace and pushed down hard instead of just letting myself go.

I could feel Edward all around me. His hands alternated from my lower back to my ass to my hips and up to my breasts. I could also smell the sex on him, mixed with sweat and his distinctive scent. And his sexy voice moaning encouragingly and telling me to keep going, that it felt so amazing, and I was beautiful. He was close.

His slender fingers found the breaking point in my body, making me see stars within seconds. He wrapped his arms around me as I fell on him, exhausted. He thrust a couple more times until he found his release, twitching when I clenched around him, still experiencing aftershocks.

When we came down from our highs, we cleaned ourselves up in the bathroom and redressed. Just when I thought it was going to become weird between us, he surprised me by kissing me softly against the hallway wall. In the kitchen, we reheated our breakfast and settled ourselves around the coffee table in the living room where it was warmer.

We sat side by side, silently sipping our coffee. I started spreading butter and jelly over my pancake when I noticed Edward wasn't moving. I looked over at him and saw that he was staring at me, grinning.

"What?" I asked, frowning, but unable to hide my smile.

"Nothing. I just feel so happy right now," he responded, shaking his head.

I chuckled and resumed assembling. "I'm pretty sure that's 'cause of what we just did. You're probably high on oxytocin."

"Hmm…" he moaned, wrapping his arm around my waist and bringing me closer to him. "Say that again; it's sexy."

"Do you have a nurse fetish or something?"

"It depends," he whispered seductively to my ear. "How do you feel about white stockings?"

I playfully slapped his chest, laughing, and he kissed my cheek.

I had a feeling that this sweet man, who had entered my life without a warning, was probably going to be the best thing that would happen to me, two months before it all had to end.

As much as we wanted to spend the rest of the day together, I had things to do around the house; Charlie was going to be coming back soon, and Edward had work to do. I asked how things were going, curious about the process of music composition.

"I sit down at the piano and write what comes to my mind," he explained, smiling down at me. "Spending time with you seems to help me creatively, actually."

"Really?"

"You're my inspiration, Bella."

We hugged and kissed for a long time at the door, and I was about to drag him upstairs to my bed when he decided to leave, promising to call me very soon.

We talked on the phone that night for an hour before going to sleep.

· - ·

While doing chores, I thought about my conversation with Charlie. I was glad he had seen Edward and me together. This way I wasn't hiding anything from him—except for the obvious—and things were clear on the table, just like I wanted. Just like I needed.

As for what I was going to do while I was here… I still wasn't sure. I still had some things from my list to do. And I definitely wanted to spend more time with Edward. I was going to enjoy happiness for as long as it lasted, that I knew. I couldn't count on any more future plans.

That night, Charlie talked to me more about Sue Clearwater over dinner. I guess he thought that since he knew something was going on with Edward, he could test the waters—see what my opinion was on him having a 'special friend,' as he put it. I told him it would be great if he invited the Clearwaters to dinner one day next week, and he seemed happy about that. I realized he really cared about that family. I was happy for him, too.

· - ·

**Oxytocin, also known as the Cuddle Hormone, is released by men and women during orgasm, and is responsible for that delicious afterglow.**


	8. Magic

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Thank you, Wendy (beta) and Jen (prereader) for putting up with me and just being awesome.

This is probably one of the less angsty chapters... or not. You tell me.

· - ·

**CHAPTER 7 – Magic **

**June 24th—Tuesday**

I was having breakfast with Charlie since he had the night shift. I was feeling beyond ecstatic about my previous weekend and then I felt guilty for that. Because if everything went well, my plan would succeed, but I wouldn't be there to see how it turned out. Actually, it wouldn't turn out to be anything at all. However, I'd made up my mind, and I wouldn't change my plan, no matter how bad I felt sometimes. I had the opportunity to have something good in my last weeks of life, and it was too good to let it escape.

I couldn't stop thinking about Edward: how he made me feel in the dock, in the water, in the car… on my dad's couch. He had everything a girl could hope for: very good looks, great family, nice job... And, on top of that, he seemed like a good man to keep by your side. At first I had been surprised he didn't have a girlfriend, and I had considered asking him, but then I thought I wasn't in the position to demand he left his girl for me, so I chose not to care about it. He didn't seem like that kind of guy, anyway.

Of course, I had questioned my plan before coming here to Forks. _Am I being selfish? Will I hurt those who care about me? _Well, I certainly would hurt them whether I wanted to or not when I passed away, and I had always been selfless and thoughtful about others. I thought it was time to live for myself. So when I woke up that morning, it became clearer than ever to me that it was what I was going to do. Plus, not everything in my list was 'selfish.' I wanted to feel loved and cherished, but I also wanted my father to have a normal, happy family, too.

The kitchen phone brought me out of my thoughts. Charlie put down the newspaper he was reading and picked it up.

"Jake! It's nice to hear you, son," he said happily. I could understand how much he loved Jacob. He was like a son to my father, and I considered him like a brother, too. "That's great… Yeah, she's here with me… Okay, hold on." Charlie turned to me and handed me the phone with a smile.

"Hey," I said to the receiver.

"Bella! Hey, I just took your truck to the shop. I have so much work right now, but I'll try to have it fixed by Friday. I need to buy some pieces and everything, so… I'm sorry I can't get it done sooner," he said, sounding worried.

"Oh, don't worry; my Dad can be my chauffeur for a few days or I'll just stay home," I explained.

"Well, then tell Charlie I'm sorry," he chuckled.

"Are you bringing the truck back or should I pick it up on Friday?" I asked, still smiling.

"Actually, I was hoping we could have lunch together in Port Angeles before you get the truck?" Jacob sounded strangely insecure, which made me laugh.

"Sure, Jake," I said. "I'll have Charlie drive me there by noon or I'll just take a bus."

"Perfect!" I could hear a smile in his voice. "See you then, Bells."

"See you, Jake. Bye." I hung up as Charlie walked in the kitchen. I hadn't realized he had disappeared. "Jacob will have my truck ready on Friday, and we'll have lunch afterwards, so I'll kind of be depending on you to get around. Where were you?"

He tried to hide his nerves to the question.

"Oh, just talking to Sue on my phone," he said, nonchalantly, and I smiled.

"_Really_. _Just_ talking to Sue, huh?" I inquired.

"That's what I said."

"You know, you could invite Sue and her kids for lunch tomorrow," I said, mimicking his nonchalance. He met my eyes with a shocked expression.

"You serious?" he asked.

"Dad, I know what's going on, okay? I love you, and if you care about the woman, then I want to meet her and her kids; that's all."

"Fine. I'll invite them tomorrow for lunch." He walked away muttering, "There's nothing going on." But I saw how he tried to cover his grin by rubbing his mustache.

· - ·

I cradled my phone to my ear while I scanned the aisles of Radio Shack. "Hello?"

"Bella."

"Hi!" I smiled, feeling giddy.

"I was just thinking about you."

"Really? What about me?"

"Your eyes, your smile… your legs, your—"

I chuckled. "Okay, okay, I get it."

He laughed along. I loved it. "I wanted to hear your voice, more than anything."

Now I really couldn't concentrate in what I was looking for.

"You're adorable," I said.

"Adorable? Pfft! Guinea pigs are adorable. How about irresistible?"

I knew he was teasing me, just like the first time we met. He really wasn't that arrogant.

I moved aside from my position in the center of the aisle, so that I wouldn't be in anyone's way. I had stopped in the middle of an aisle. I wasn't going to find anything until I got off the phone with Edward.

"What I mean is, I adore you," I explained. "You're just so… amazing."

"Wow." He sounded genuinely surprised.

"And irresistible."

There was silence for a moment.

"Let me take you out on a date," he finally said.

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. "Okay, when?"

"Are you free Thursday?"

· - ·

I hid my new recorder, blank tapes, and stickers in my underwear drawer in my bedside table. I would need to start taping my goodbye messages soon. I was terrified of not having enough time to record all of them, but at the same time I was dreading the task.

Charlie left for work after dinner, and I settled in my room. I put batteries and a blank tape in the recorder then pressed the red button. It ran for a whole minute with me being unable to speak. I sighed deeply. This was going to be more difficult than I thought.

I decided to make another list. I wrote the names of all the people I knew and cared about. Still, I wasn't ready.

· - ·

**June 25th—Wednesday**

Teaching Charlie how to cook wasn't easy, and it was even more difficult when he was so nervous about bringing a woman at home to meet his daughter. I tried to be patient; I understood the situation. But my patience wore thin when I had to repeat the steps of making a simple sauce multiple times. I exercised ultimate self-control to resist the impulse to take the bowl off his hands and finish myself.

It was kind of endearing, though.

I kissed his cheek when the doorbell rang and walked after him to the front door.

Sue Clearwater was a very pretty woman. She didn't look younger than her age. You could definitely see some gray in her long, braided hair and some wrinkles in the corner of her eyes and her forehead, but still she was stunning. Charlie had told me she really suffered with the death of her husband.

Seth was a cute teenager and struck me as a very easy going kid, much like Jacob. Leah was beautiful, with sharp features and intense green eyes that reminded me of Edward. She had a hard expression on her face, though. I didn't like that very much. They were all russet-skinned and taller than average.

After the introductions were made, we all helped setting the table for dinner.

"Oh, you cooked?" Sue asked, surprised, after she tasted the beef stew.

"I taught him how to prepare it," I said, pleased that she liked it.

"It's actually better than Mom's," Seth said, smiling. I doubted it, but I smiled back. Leah snorted and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes.

She didn't talk much during dinner, but the rest of us enjoyed it. They were really good people, and Seth's high school stories were very funny. I knew he was friends with Jacob before, but I didn't know they were so close. Seth talked about him like he was his big brother. It was just perfect.

Leah helped me clear the table after the second course—by Sue's request, mind you—and I took the opportunity to get to know her a bit more. She was hard to crack at first, but when she finally opened up, she confessed that she actually liked Charlie, but it was weird for her knowing our fathers were friends once. She told me she had taken a year to work and make money to be able to go to college, probably in Seattle. She didn't want to go too far. I said it was a great idea. I hadn't had that opportunity myself.

We finally returned to the table with dessert, to Seth's delight.

I watched them for a moment like I wasn't there. Seth teased Charlie about his moustache while Sue reprimanded him playfully and Leah laughed at the scene. They all seemed so happy. I wished that for my father. I wished that this would be what his life looked like after I was gone. After a few minutes of me observing, Leah's green eyes landed on mine. I noticed how my involuntary smile mirrored hers, and she nodded almost unnoticeably. I nodded back, both of us silently approving of this new bond between families. Our parents made each other happy; that was what mattered.

I added Sue, Seth and Leah to the list of names in my tape recording task.

· - ·

**June 26th—Thursday **

Edward came to pick me up at six thirty. Charlie, who had the day off, opened the door before I could get downstairs.

"Hello, Chief," Edward said, shaking my dad's hand.

"Edward, good to see you. Are you here to take my daughter on a date?" Charlie asked, faking a serious tone.

I walked up to them and stroked my father's back lightly and pecked his cheek. "Dad, be nice."

When Edward's amused eyes focused on me, he took my breath away. It seemed like in the few days we had been apart, I had forgotten how handsome he really was. My memory didn't work properly, apparently.

"Hey," I said to him, smiling.

"Hey yourself."

"Okay, we're out," I said and stepped forward, taking Edward's hand. "Bye, Dad!"

"You take good care of her, boy!" Charlie said from behind us in his best cop voice.

Edward chuckled loudly, but I saw him nod.

· - ·

Edward parked his shiny Volvo in the outskirts of town, at the dusty parking lot of the Clallam County Fair grounds. My face lightened instantly. My parents used to take me there when I was a kid, and I lot of times Jacob came with us. This place brought back some of the best memories I had of my mother. My heart melted for Edward a little bit more in that moment.

I was out of the car right away, and Edward chuckled at my enthusiasm.

"I take it you like our date already?" he said, approaching me.

"I love the fair!"

His lips found mine even before he embraced me. I felt at home. I had missed him.

"Let's go then," he said when we finally disentangled ourselves from each other and he took my hand in his.

We had the best time. We ate hot dogs, we shared pink cotton candy, and we walked around for hours. I loved the smells, the happy sounds and, most of all, the feeling of Edward beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, or behind me, circling my waist and kissing my neck… He only failed at fishing yellow rubber ducks, which I found highly entertaining to watch.

"And I thought you were perfect at everything…" I teased.

"Only at the things that really matter," he whispered in my ear, gently pinching my butt and making me squeal and blush.

"C'mon." He took my hand and led me out of the main fair grounds to a little gypsy caravan decorated in burgundy and gold.

I vaguely remembered my mother taking me to this place. She really got in to that kind of thing—the mystery and the cosmic unknown. I stopped dead in my tracks, making Edward stop and turn to me.

"Edward, no…" I said, shaking my head.

"Why not? It's fun!" he said, smiling sweetly.

"I don't like witches and magic," I responded lamely.

"She's not a witch, she's a fortune-teller gypsy, Bella. Nothing to worry about." He cupped my cheek with his free hand. "She's just going to take a look at us and say there's a happily ever after in our future."

That was my problem. I didn't really believe in those things, but what if she saw through me? Or what if she didn't, but said something bad was going to happen? That would upset Edward.

"I don't know…" I said in a low voice.

His happy face fell. Did he think I wouldn't want a happily ever after with him? I could see my reaction made him upset and I hated that.

"It's fine, we don't have to…" he said, slightly dejected.

"No! No," I said, pulling him closer and kissing his jaw. "Let's go in."

"You sure?"

"I am." _Not_.

· - ·

"What are your names?" the woman asked. She had what seemed like hundreds of rings on her fingers and bracelets on her wrists, really dark brows, and a prominent nose. She was pretty.

"I'm Edward and this is my girl, Bella," he responded, smiling at me. _My girl_. I smiled back.

We were sitting in front of her in a small round table. The whole place was decorated with colorful glass beads, gold details and a few little LED lights.

"I see… Edward and Bella," she said in a mysterious breathy voice while looking at me intently. "Give me your hands and close your eyes."

We formed a circle with our joined hands, and Edward gently squeezed mine reassuringly as we closed your eyes.

"I can feel your energy flowing through me," the gypsy woman said. "Hmm…"

I started feeling uncomfortable after a moment of silence, and I thought Edward had fallen asleep or something. I slowly opened one eye, then the other when I met the woman's stare. She had a weird expression on her face that softened in a second.

_Does she know?_

I panicked, and I guessed she sensed it.

"I can tell that what you have is very new, but very intense. That is good," she said. "I see a future full of happiness."

· - ·

Back in the car, Edward kissed me for a long time. I responded enthusiastically, but my head was still spinning.

"See?" he said, starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot. "Happy ever after."

That wasn't exactly what she said, but I wasn't about to burst Edward's bubble. Ever. I was satisfied with what she said, anyway. I knew we were going to be happy for as long as it lasted. I was going to make sure of that.

"Edward, take me to your house." I put my hand on his knee. "I want to take a swim."

As we approached the Cullens' home, I realized that the gypsy woman was probably bluffing—performing her act. She sensed my nervousness and used it to her advantage. It was all a mysterious, cryptic act. She never said a thing about me specifically. She couldn't know.


	9. Situation

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Thank you, Wendy (beta) and Jen (pre reader), thank you, thank you, thank you!

Guys! Chapter 8 already... what? Thanks for reading and reviewing. This is a fun, sexy one. You're welcome :)

· - ·

**Chapter 8 – Situation **

**June 26th—Thursday **

As soon as we walked into the Cullens' gigantic house, it dawned on me: I had basically invited myself assuming we would be alone.

"Is there anyone else in the house?" I asked in the foyer.

Edward turned to look at me with a wicked smile.

"It's pretty late. Esme is probably asleep by now, Carlisle's working at the hospital, and Em and Rose left for New York yesterday. She has a photoshoot or something. After that, they'll stay there for a romantic weekend." He walked up to me and circled my waist with his arms, bringing me closer before he whispered, "Why?"

"I just—"

I didn't get to finish. He kissed me eagerly, and I pressed myself even closer to him, lacing my hands in his soft hair. When we pulled apart and he touched his forehead to mine, I sighed. I wanted to say something, but I didn't have words.

"You wanted to go for a swim?" Edward asked softly.

"Yes."

He chuckled and moved a step back to be able to look into my eyes. He was mesmerizing in that dim light, all handsome and smiley. Happy.

"Do you have a swimsuit in that tiny purse?" he asked, pointing at my mini purse. I only needed my cell phone and keys, anyway. "A skimpy bikini? Hmm, I would like that…"

"Actually, smartass, I only have my underwear," I said, gently pushing his chest. "Does that work for you, Mister?"

"Even better."

I started to pull him by the hand toward the direction of the indoor pool area, but he stopped me.

"I'll go grab a bottle of something and two glasses," he said. "You go ahead and I'll be there in a second."

· - ·

After fumbling with the buttons, I switched on just a few lights in the swimming pool to create a soft ambience. I grabbed a couple of clean towels, laid them over two lounge chairs, and took off my clothes.

The water was very warm; it was like swimming in the Caribbean. I closed my eyes and pushed myself through the water. It glided against my body, relaxing my muscles and caressing my skin. A few minutes later, I heard the door open as Edward walked in. I listened to his movements as he set the "bottle of something" down on the table between the lounge chairs. It wasn't long before the rustle of clothes made my nerves activate deep under my skin in anticipation. I was like Pavlov's salivating dog.

I was standing on my tiptoes near the deeper end of the pool, moving my arms back and forth over the water. I kept my eyes closed, concentrating on the sounds around me, when I heard Edward entering the water near me.

He moved slowly, like a predator who watches his prey. In this case, I was a volunteer for the sacrifice. I wanted him to catch me, and he knew it.

I felt the water move around me as he circled me a couple of times, then he stopped in front of me and in a quick unpredictable movement, he finally attacked. He was all over me, like he had ten arms and hands. I clung to him as if my life depended on it, and in some way, it did. Why else would I still be here?

Edward moved deeper into the pool to a point where he could still touch the bottom, but I sure couldn't. He was my lifesaver. The significance of that echoed deep within me, and yet, he didn't know. I pressed myself closer to him, in a tight embrace. Hard against soft.

"I want a romantic weekend with you," I murmured to his bare shoulder, remembering Emmett and Rosalie. I wished we could go to New York, too. I had never been there.

"Bella, there's nothing that I want more than to spend a whole weekend with you," he said, "anywhere."

"Let's do it," I suggested. "Not this weekend, but the next."

"Okay." He kissed my temple. "I'll plan it for you."

I turned my head back to finally look at him. His hair was all wet and dark, like the day I first saw him here, and his eyes shined. I leaned in and we kissed slowly and softly for a long time.

We never got cold in the pool—if anything, it got hotter—but we did turn pruny. Edward carried me the whole way to the ladder, and then pretended to help me by pushing me up by my ass. _Good move_. I waited for him to get out but he was hesitating.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself.

"It's just… Um, I have a situation here…" He said, looking down to the water. I couldn't see anything, but I knew what he was referring to.

I laughed softly. "Come on! I'm getting cold here."

He finally made up his mind and climbed the ladder as quickly as he dared to, looking gorgeous, like from some fucking commercial again. To make things better, his dripping wet boxers didn't conceal anything. I wanted to get up on his 'situation.' Who said cold?

The prey attacked the predator this time. My hand traveled along his hard chest to his abs, down the line of fine hair and over his erection while I kissed him.

"Rather big _situation_ you got here," I said to his lips, moaning.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, Bella," he said, breathlessly. "You can't say stuff like that to me."

"Then no more talking."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward one of the chaise lounges. I noticed Edward had brought a bottle of champagne in a zip-up cooler. He had even opened it and put a metal tap on it.

He lay down and made me sit on him, with his erection pressed between my legs. This way I could rub myself against him as much as I wanted to. And he was so irresistible.

"You have no idea how hot you are," I said, looking down to where he was pressed up against me in the most delicious way.

"I'm hot for you," he responded. "That's all I know."

God, he was smooth. We made out like horny teenagers for a while. We didn't want to rush things again, but it certainly felt good. We kept at it until our wet clothes became uncomfortable, and the cold was difficult to ignore. Edward wrapped me up in a fluffy towel and gave me the flutes, which I held precariously, while he enveloped himself in his own towel and grabbed the bottle. Then we moved the private party upstairs to his room.

I remembered that Carlisle and Esme's room was at the far end of the hallway. Edward's was the first room to the right of the stairs, in front of the one I had stayed in the previous weekend. Thankfully, I wasn't too worried about waking up Esme.

When we entered the room, Edward discarded himself of his towel, took the flutes from my hand, and placed them and the bottle of champagne on his bedside table. He then went to his dresser and started taking out clean clothes for us to change into. I stood at the door, taking it all in. I didn't know what I was expecting Edward's room would be like, but the first thing I noticed was his scent all around me. There were stands of books and music everywhere, but it all looked very tidy and clean. It was very…him.

I looked at him and he was watching me with a strange look on his face, with folded clothes in his hands. I tightened my grip on my towel. What are you supposed to say when you see someone's room for the first time? 'Nice bed, looks comfy'? Or, 'It fits you'? In my mind, nothing sounded right, so I stayed silent.

Edward left the clothes on the bed and approached me, taking my hand. No words were needed. I let him pull me toward the end of bed, next to the clothes. He took my towel from around my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. The intensity in his look was hypnotic. I couldn't look away. I felt myself flush all over when he reached behind me and unclasped my dark, wet bra. Soon, it joined the towel.

His movements were deliberately slow. They were sensual rather than sexual. There was a meaning to them. When he lowered my panties to my feet, he pressed a tiny kiss to my hipbone. I was completely naked before him, totally at his mercy. Then, he took some white boxers from the pile of clean clothes on the bed and put them on me at a leisured pace. I watched him as he pecked my other hipbone. He looked up to my eyes, and I felt my insides stirring, like I somehow understood the message in his actions. _I care about you. I want to cherish you. _I felt the same way.

He finished dressing me in a gray t-shirt that was probably too small for him. He changed his wet boxers for long pajama pants, and I kissed him softly.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered to my lips.

"So are you," I said, moving down my hand from his hair to where his heart was beating fast. Again, I was about to say something more, but the words wouldn't come out, and the moment passed.

We snuggled together in the bed and shared a couple of kisses before he reached for the champagne flutes, handing me one.

"Finally," I teased.

"Oh, that's all you've been wanting, isn't it?"

"Of course!" I chuckled. "I haven't had champagne in years."

"Really?" he asked, while pouring the gold liquid into my cup.

"Well, I haven't had much to celebrate," I explained. "Not even birthdays."

"Let's celebrate then," he said, smiling sadly. "What do you want to make a toast to?"

"My birthday isn't until September," I said. "When's yours?"

"June 20th," he responded, faking a little cough.

"What?" I counted the days in my head.

He sighed. "It was last Friday."

"Why didn't anybody tell me?" He wouldn't look at me.

I didn't understand. He left me speechless, holding a stupid glass of champagne that was numbing my hand from the cold.

"Because I told them not to," he said, sounding slightly like a whining child.

"That was the reason for the barbecue? That was why your sister, who lives in Vegas, came to Forks specifically for a weekend?"

"Kind of…" he responded. "Bella, after Emmett told me he had invited you, I thought that if they told you… you wouldn't want to come, and I wanted to meet you so bad."

I lifted my eyes to meet his. There was only sincerity there. I could tell he was unsure to tell me that, but it was the truth. He really thought I would have said 'no' if I knew the barbecue was a birthday party for him.

"That's stupid, Edward," I said, moving around him to set my flute and his on the bedside table.

"That's what Emmett said," he mumbled, pouting a little.

I framed his gorgeous face with my hands, looking into his green eyes. "I came because I wanted to, and I also wanted to see you."

"Really?" he asked, and I nodded. "It wasn't a big deal anyway, it being my birthday."

"I would've liked to know."

"I'm sorry."

"No. Don't feel bad," I insisted. "We can celebrate now."

Our smiles met in a kiss, and I straddled him once again. This was my favorite position. Edward hummed happily as I kissed his neck and ear. Oh, I could feel how happy he was…

We pulled apart and he handed me my glass before he touched it lightly with his. I took a sip and felt the bitter liquid burn my throat a little. He quickly finished his and grabbed my hips, making them stop grinding down on him.

"Too much, baby," he said, kissing me.

"But we're celebrating." I faked a pout, and he nibbled my bottom lip.

I looked down at his bare chest and had an idea. I still had half a glass of champagne in my hand. With a wicked smile, I tilted the cup so that a bit of the liquid fell on his chest, touching one of his nipples, and dripped down his abs. Edward's eyes widened and his muscles contracted. I bent down and licked very lightly his champagne-wet nipple, making him thrust up, seeking friction.

He was so unbelievably hot under me, all surprised and turned on. I tilted the cup again, knowing he'd be more prepared this time, going for his other nipple, which I sucked hard afterward. That earned me a loud moan and another thrust.

"Fuck," he coursed breathlessly.

"Not yet," I teased.

I poured champagne on his abs next before I licked them clean. I could sense he was trying to fight the urge to get us both naked and pound into me. I knew I was, too. But that was the fun of foreplay.

He was going commando under the pajama pants and it showed. He even had a little wet spot on them. I took them off at once and set him free. I licked my lips before I let a couple of drops fall from the almost empty cup to his glorious erection. Very slowly, always keeping eye contact with him, I bent down to lick him up from balls to head, and ended with a little kiss at the very tip, where it was leaking.

Finally, I finished my champagne in one gulp and kissed him on the lips before I whispered, "Happy belated birthday, Edward."

I wasn't an expert on the oral front—or any other front for that matter. I was a little bit nervous. But I knew Edward would appreciate anything at this point, so I just went for it.

I licked and sucked him slowly at first, and when I felt his hands on my hair, I increased the pace. I loved the sounds he was making. I loved knowing I was the reason he was feeling so good. I even nibbled lightly the tip, making him jump a little. I was so turned on myself that I just did what I felt like doing, and repeating over and over whatever made him louder.

At one point, I stopped to take my t-shirt off, and the sight of my hard nipples made him lick his lips. He was close already. I wasn't quite ready to swallow his cum, to be honest, so when I felt him tense up, I continued to stroke him with my hands and he came shortly after with a loud cry. I even rubbed his tip against my breasts, like I had seen them do in porn. I was so dirty.

Edward pulled me up for a soft kiss. "That was amazing," he said. I preferred that to a 'thank you.'

"_You_ are amazing," I said, smiling down at him.

We cleaned up together in the bathroom. Well, I cleaned him up and made him put some pants on before I could attack him again. He felt up my ass and lamented I had put my shirt back on. I was satisfied, though.

We went back to bed and finished the bottle of champagne while we talked about everything that came to our minds. He told me a little bit about his parents. They sounded like very good people. They certainly raised a wonderful kid. Man. _My man_. He was absolutely perfect.

Sleeping in his arms, it was the first night I dreamt of Edward Cullen. We were happy, and there was a mini Edward with the same green eyes and crazy hair running around our dream house calling me Mommy. I woke up in the middle of the night with tears in my eyes. Tears of happiness or sadness, or both at the same time, I didn't know. But then I saw Edward next to me and I wanted to stay like that forever.

An hour later, I was still awake and the sun was starting to go up in the sky. I lightly brushed Edward's eyebrows, his hair and his cheeks until I felt he was waking up. He had a huge smile on his face as soon as he saw me, and I couldn't resist showering him with light kisses everywhere.

There was one thing that woke up long before Edward opened his eyes. Without changing position, we lay there facing one another as we removed the clothing in our way. Each newly exposed piece of skin was tenderly kissed and touched.

It was more than sex. We made love for the first time that morning, softly and gently, and it was Heaven. I finally felt like I knew what it was that I still couldn't voice. Love.

· - ·

**Apparently, you can "comment" now, if you want. **

**And I know it has nothing to do with this, but I might celebrate Spain winning the Eurocup this Sunday. _Maybe_ you'll get lucky, too...**


	10. Paranoid

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

I will never be grateful enough to Wendy and Jen. They're the best!

Updating because... yeah, we're fucking awesome. You are, too. Enjoy!

**"I always thought the joy of reading a book is not knowing what happens next." (Leonard Shelby, _Memento_. 2000) written by Christopher Nolan.**

· - ·

**CHAPTER 9 – Paranoid **

**June 27th—Friday**

We were still in bed, enjoying the warm sun that entered through the window, when something snapped in me. I turned to the clock on Edward's bedside table.

"Shit!" I threw the covers aside and hopped out of bed, frantically searching for something to put over my naked body.

I found the white boxers I wore the night before and his pajama pants, so I put those on. I found everything except my t-shirt. I turned around and saw Edward was lazily lifting it up over his head, while wearing a perfect smirk on his face. I covered my breasts with one arm and tried to grab the t-shirt with the other, but he wasn't having any of it. I was trying to reach the t-shirt without kneeing his balls. Edward didn't need to use that much strength to push my arm apart from my breasts and circle my waist, to bring them to his mouth. He started licking and sucking away.

"Edward," I said, a bit breathless. "Give me the t-shirt. I have to run, it's late!"

"Nope," he responded to one of my nipples. He really was a breast kind of guy—not that mine were that spectacular. "Where are you going?"

"To Port Angeles," I explained. "I need to go pick up my truck, and I told Jake I'd be there by noon."

"Uh."

"Edward, give me the t-shirt."

"But you didn't say the magic word." He was teasing me, and I loved it, but I really was late.

I was torn between staying where I was and having sex with this hunk of a man all day or going home, showering, and meeting my best friend. And I was still seriously pondering that while Edward played with my breasts with his free hand. I could tell his other arm was getting tired.

"Ungh, God," I moaned.

"Not that one," he said, smirking.

"Please?"

"Please what?" he asked. I was lost for words for a moment. Did I want more? Did I want him to let me go? "Bella?"

"Please…" I started "…touch me."

And he did. The t-shirt was discarded to the floor. Edward laid me down on the bed and hovered over me, his lips almost touching mine. He peeled the pajama pants down my legs, but left the boxers on. Maybe he thought it was sexy. I was just feeling really hot. I didn't remember a time when I was so horny, except now. Around him, everything was arousing.

Edward kissed my neck while one of his hands snaked down my stomach until it was in the boxers and touching me where I wanted him the most. I moaned softly, arching my back.

"I can't get enough of you, Bella," he mumbled to the back of my ear. I felt his hot breath there, and a shiver ran through me.

It didn't take him long to make me climax and clench around his very talented fingers.

He really was the perfect lover. Not only because he knew just what I needed physically, but because he also knew when to stop. And even though I was already running pretty late, I asked him about his 'situation' and he simply responded with a wink, "That was just something to send you on your way. We'll finish later." I would've gladly reciprocated, though.

Thankfully, Esme was MIA when we went down to the kitchen after getting dressed. We grabbed a quick coffee and Edward drove me home. He wanted to drive me to Port Angeles, but Jasper had put him on a deadline to finish composing his third album. We kissed longer than necessary for a goodbye kiss before I finally got out of the car.

I never had gone back home feeling like that. Like I had crossed an epic magic line. Not even when I lost my virginity. I thought Charlie would really see through me this time, mainly because I stayed out all night, he knew I was with Edward, and I didn't even bother to call.

To say I was surprised that Charlie was drinking coffee while reading the newspaper in the kitchen like everything was normal was an understatement.

"Hey," I said from the kitchen door.

"Morning, Bells."

"Dad?" I asked, and he raised his head to look at me. I was wearing the same jeans I had yesterday and Edward's t-shirt. It was probably my favorite one. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes." He looked me up and down. "Are _you_ okay?"

I nodded and smiled a little. "I am."

"I didn't receive any emergency call saying you were left to die in the side of the road, so I assumed you were… having fun." He said that with a smirk, but I really didn't want to know what he was imagining.

"Yeah, we had a great time," I rushed to say.

He had gone back to read, but the smirk was still in place. He so knew.

_It's fine. He seems fine. Just go with it._

"So, remember I need to pick up my truck?" I said.

· - ·

After a quick shower and a much needed change of clothes, we were on the road to Port Angeles.

When I was younger, I hated riding in Charlie's patrol car. He had to drive me to school some days, and it was embarrassing. Everyone expected something cool was about to happen, because the cops were in the school. Then I got out, trying not to care about everyone's obvious stares. Now that I really needed the ride, I was actually glad we were going in this, because as much as he wanted to respect the speed limit, I convinced my father to go a little bit faster.

In less than an hour, we were entering Port Angeles, taking the road to Jake's shop. It was a very cute little place in the very center of the city. My red truck was parked outside, clean and shiny.

"I'll just say hello to Jacob and go," Charlie said as we got out of the car.

"You can have lunch with us if you want."

"No, I uh… I told Sue I'd take her out today, actually," he said sheepishly.

I grinned and hugged him. "I'm so glad, Dad."

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed a little.

"Bella!" Jake was approaching us outside of his shop. "Can I have a hug, too?"

I laughed and hugged him eagerly. I almost regretted it when I smelled the sweat and grease on him. He felt familiar, though. I loved him like a brother. We broke apart when Charlie cleared his throat. They were soon engaged in a man-hug, saying it had been too long since they saw each other last.

My father left as Jake started closing up the shop. He had showered quickly—he had a complete bathroom in the back—and changed his dirty 'Black's Auto Repair Shop' shirt for a clean blue one. We decided to walk to a nearby Italian restaurant. Jake said he used to eat there very often.

"Look at you!" I exclaimed, lightly punching his strong arm as we walked. "All hard-working and proud owner of a successful business."

"Oh, shush!" he said, smiling. "Proud, yes. Successful? We'll see."

"How long have you had it?"

"Just a couple of years… it's still pretty new."

I looked at him, interested.

"I had my unofficial workshop in La Push, very clandestine, while I worked at Sam's car dealership."

"Sam, as in…"

"Sam Uley, yes."

"Wow."

"Yeah," he said, looking down. "Emily was in love with him since they were kids, but he brushed her out… until she started dating me. We want what we can't have, right? So he realized he really liked her. One drunken night he told her and then she broke up with me. Now they're getting married. It's nice having friends."

"So you still _are_ friends."

"He's my best friend," Jake declared. "It's not like I can blame him _or_ her."

"The heart wants what the heart wants," I said.

"Exactly."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. I thought about our conversation, Jake's and my own words echoing in my mind.

_We want what we can't have._

_The heart wants what the heart wants._

A big fat 'indeed' made its way to my thoughts. I wanted to be with Edward so badly, for no other reason that it was the way I felt, but I couldn't have him forever.

I sighed lightly as Jake opened the door to the restaurant for me.

· - ·

Having a conversation with Jacob was so easy. I got lost in memories with him and our families once again, and he told me dirty jokes just to make me laugh when he sensed I was getting emotional. We touched a lot, taking our hands or arms, and for me it was a way to know he was really there. He was my best friend, and he wasn't going anywhere.

When we got back to the shop, he explained all the things he had fixed in my truck. He even got it cleaned inside and out, because "the prettiest driver needs to have the prettiest truck, even if it's an oldie." He thought he was so funny…

I stayed a little bit longer to keep him company while he worked, and I told him about Edward.

Jake stopped working under an Audi and moved to be able to look at me. "You're serious," he said, curious.

"Yes," I responded.

He stared at me for a long time, like he couldn't believe I was seeing someone. "You like that guy?"

"A lot," I stated. "And before you say anything, you should know he's a decent man, with a nice job and great family."

"Of course, that's what's got you pining for him…" he said, going back under the car.

"Well not only that; he's actually very… talented," I said, remembering that morning.

"Gross, Bella."

"What?" I asked, feeling frustrated. "It was you who asked me if I was a virgin the other day."

He laughed out loud, genuinely amused by what I'd just said. I chuckled along with him because really, it was pretty funny. Here I was telling my best friend and pseudo-brother about my sex slash love life, after seeing him for the second time in years.

"Bells," he called. "Just be careful, okay? I don't wanna see you get hurt."

"I know, Jake." I smiled fondly, although he couldn't see me.

· - ·

I left Port Angeles around three in the afternoon and got home a little over an hour later. Charlie called to tell me he was still out with Sue and he'd be in La Push having dinner, too, in case I wanted to go. I said I would think about it, but I wasn't in the mood to get in the car again.

I went up to my room and took out the recorder. I pressed the red button, and I was silent for a minute, before I knew what I wanted to say.

"Jake, I want you to know that you are one of the best things that's ever happened to me. You're like the brother I never had, and I love you. Thank you for giving me some of the best memories to part with.

"Do me a favor? Check up on Charlie for me from time to time, okay? Don't let him be sad. Talk to him like you did with me about my mother the first day we met after I came back. Remember? You're very good at cheering people up. Don't you be sad, either.

"You still need to find love, a kind woman who will treat you right and will be the one for you. You will have the cutest babies, I just know it.

"It was fun making mud pies and prank-calling random people with you."

· - ·

I wanted to get out of my house, but I wasn't going to go to La Push. Instead, I drove to the Cullens' house like a manic, anxious to see Edward again.

Esme opened the front door when I rang the bell.

"Bella, dear!" She smiled, genuinely happy to see me. I adored the woman.

"Hello, Esme," I said politely.

She ushered me inside. "Come in, come in!"

A nice, delicious smell invaded my nostrils as soon as Esme locked the door. She led me to the kitchen, where I saw she had something in the oven.

"I'm cooking dinner," she said. "You're staying, right?"

"Sure," I responded. "Where's Edward?"

"Oh, he's been working all day since you left," she responded with a knowing smile.

That surprised me. I thought she wasn't there this morning. I noticed the heat rising to my cheeks at the thought of what Edward and I did last night and this morning, with Esme in the house.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," Esme said to me in a hushed tone. "As soon as he smells dinner."

I chuckled. "It really smells good, yes."

"Would you like to help me?"

"Sure!" I loved cooking. It was my therapy when I lived in Phoenix.

· - ·

I really enjoyed spending time with Esme. She was such a caring person, and I could talk to her with honesty about anything. I didn't feel the need to hide what Edward and I had—not that she didn't know already, because apparently, he had told her.

We were sharing cooking tips when Carlisle entered the kitchen and kissed his wife. He looked tired but happy to be in her arms.

"Hey there, Bella," he greeted, smiling kindly. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good, thank you." I returned the smile, but had to turn and occupy myself with stirring the sauce. His eyes were too penetrating, he was a doctor, and I had paranoid tendencies about my disease.

As Carlisle sat down at the kitchen table and made small talk with Esme and me while we worked side by side at the oven, someone else entered the room. I knew it was Edward right away, because he stopped, probably at the sight of me playing house with his family. I was slightly worried about what he would think of me intruding. But he surprised _me_ by coming between Esme and me and wrapping his arms around our shoulders. Then he kissed my cheek affectionately.

"Well, hello," he said happily. "What a nice surprise."

I chanced a look at him to see if he was actually glad or annoyed instead. You can really see when someone is faking a happy face. His eyes were shining and his grin was big on his lips. I grinned back. I was really happy to see him, too. He pecked my cheek again and then kissed Esme's.

"What are my two favorite girls cooking?" he asked.

"Just a little something you will sure like," Esme responded. "Go wash your hands and help Carlisle set the table."

"Yes, ma'am."

With a last little smile directed at me, he left the room. Then I turned and saw Esme and Carlisle sharing a look.

· - ·

We had a very nice dinner. Edward and Carlisle complimented us all the time, and there were no leftovers.

Edward asked me about my truck and I told him everything was okay. He directed the conversation to Jacob, then. I caught Esme and Carlisle's worried looks, and I also remembered my first meal at the Cullens'. But Edward seemed relaxed, like he was just trying to show he didn't have a problem with me being friends with Jake anymore. Everything else went smoothly from then on.

Edward wasn't shy about showing his affection in front of his family, with little touches and caresses here and there. And although I didn't exactly enjoy their avid attention, it was nice being able to express ourselves naturally.

After dinner, Carlisle and Esme moved to the living room and Edward directed me to the library, where his piano was. As soon as he closed the door behind me, his lips were on mine. Damn, he was a good kisser.

He moaned to my mouth. "God, I've been wanting to do this since I saw you in the kitchen before."

"I've missed you, too." I chuckled softly before attacking his lips again.

We were about to get naked and fuck against the door when we heard Esme and Carlisle outside in the hall, probably going upstairs.

"It's too inappropriate to do this with them in the house," I said.

"I know," he replied, sounding not very convinced, and kissing down my neck. "I just find it hard to resist you."

Oh, fuck. I was trying really hard, too. We were panting and desperate, but the thought of getting caught or being heard by Edward's family wasn't very appealing. Still, the more he insisted in his advances, the more turned on I was.

I put my hands on both his cheeks and looked him in the eye. "They're upstairs."

"Yes," he assured me, then grinned wickedly. "Can you be quiet?"

"I'll try," I responded, breathlessly.

We ravished each other, quickly taking off our clothes and kissing frantically. When we were completely naked, he turned me to face the door and I put my hands on it. He gently grabbed my hips and brushed himself against my "attractive derriere," as he put it. I was really containing myself from moaning like a porn star, and the fact that I _had_ to be quiet made it even more exciting.

Edward pressed his delicious body against my back as he drew circles on my clit with his fingers. _Those fingers_.

"I think you're ready," he whispered in my ear. "Are you ready?"

I could only nod in affirmative before he entered me in one quick thrust. A whimper was inevitable. He felt too good, and when he lifted one of my legs up, I knew I wouldn't last long. He kept pounding into me, with one arm supporting my leg and the other around my breasts, gasping and panting to my ear. He was a god. The god of all gods. I was being thoroughly fucked by Zeus. And my mind was going totally insane.

After a few more thrusts, I came and saw stars. I literally started seeing tiny bright dots, and I had to close my eyes. But Edward kept going until he found his release, and I whimpered when I felt myself climax again, though not as hard as before. That had never happened to me!

When Edward let go of my leg, I couldn't even stand. He grabbed me and made me sit on his lap, on the chair that was next to one of the bookshelves. He brushed my hair away from my shoulder and rested his head there while embracing me.

"You're so fantastic," he said, sighing. "I want to keep you here forever."

I chuckled. "That's called sex slavery."

"No," he said, squeezing me. "You know what I mean."

"I do."

We smiled goofily at each other. I knew he didn't catch up on the meaning I gave to those words, but in my mind I knew I would always be with him, even if I couldn't be there physically.

We quickly got dressed and spent the rest of the night at the piano. He didn't want to show me his new compositions, but I parted that night with his promise that I'd be the first to listen to them when they were finished.

Edward didn't want me to go, but I felt like I had to. I didn't want to get too emotional with him, like I knew I was starting to. I wanted to keep our romance as light as possible.

That was one of the reasons why I knew what I had to do the next day.

· - ·

**June 28th—Saturday**

"Saint Joseph's Hospital and Medical Center, how can I help you?"

"Good morning. I'm Isabella Swan, and I'd like to speak with Dr. Laurent Maunier, please." I said, feeling nauseous from the nerves.

"Are you a patient of his, Miss?"

"Yes, I am."

"One moment, please."

There was a pause and then generic hold music started playing on my receiver before I heard a click and it stopped.

"Hello?"

"Dr. Maunier?"

"Speaking," he responded, sounding slightly worried. "Is this Bella?"

He remembered me.

"Can I ask you for a favor?"

· - ·

**So we're the best in Europe! See you next Friday.**


	11. Secret

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Wendy and Jen are the Amazing Spider-Man to my Peter Parker.

I almost updated last Wednesday so that the chapter matched the celebrations. But I didn't. Sunday was special enough for me :) Thanks for the great comments, you guys. Enjoy!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 10 – Secret **

**June 30th—Monday**

I said goodbye to Edward that morning at the airport. He was going to New York to meet with some producers and would visit Emmett and Rosalie before the weekend. He also had an apartment in the city that he would go to check up on.

I'd never been to New York City—or any place in the East Coast for that matter. I really hadn't seen much of the world, and I could only relate to the things I had watched on television during the last few years. My parents took me here and there when I was a kid, but never very far from the Olympic Peninsula. Charlie didn't like taking long trips.

Edward said he was going to take care of our 4th of July trip. He even came the day before to have dinner with Charlie and me, and he told my father about it. He didn't even tell me where we were going, that it was a surprise. He only 'informed' Charlie, and apparently, my father approved. After dinner, when Edward was gone, I right out asked Charlie what he really thought of him. He looked me in the eye, put his hands on my shoulders and said, "Bella, I'm happy if you're happy." My father wasn't one for words, but it was enough for me, and he knew Edward was very special to me.

So there I was, left at the airport, with four boyfriend-less days ahead of me. I decided to give myself a treat and drove two and a half hours from SeaTac to Port Angeles. I got a delicious cup of Caramel Macchiato in Starbucks before going shopping at the nearest mall. After cleaning up the house all day the day before—getting it bright and shiny for Edward—Charlie gave me some money, which I accepted because, let's be honest, I didn't have a job, and now that I was officially dating Edward Cullen (pianist extraordinaire), I wanted to look nice for him. So I purchased a couple of summer dresses, some make-up, a new sexy bikini, and some lingerie.

On my way back home, I went grocery shopping at the same place I first met Edward. I remembered how rudely I treated him when all he wanted was to get my attention. I wasn't a happy lady then.

Angela Weber was there, picking up some precooked lasagna for lunch. She'd come from Los Angeles to visit her parents and celebrate 4th of July together. We decided to meet for coffee the next day.

Feeling exhausted, I got home and spent the rest of the day lazing around the house. Fan of lists that I am, I wrote down different meals I would cook for Charlie to stock up the fridge and freezer for the weekend.

Edward called me as soon as he was settled in his apartment. I missed him already, but I knew we were going to keep in touch as much as possible and he would be back before I knew it. He was very excited about his next music project and was all sweet and adorable on the phone. I couldn't believe we had become one of those couples.

· - ·

**July 1st—Tuesday**

I met Angela at the local coffee shop, down South Forks Avenue, at 10am. She was pretty in high school, but now that she'd grown up, she was beautiful. She had a few expression wrinkles at the outer corner of her eyes and her mouth, probably because she was always smiling. And she used to wear thick black glasses, but at the store she told me she'd had laser eye surgery. Her eyes were brown like mine, very big and very expressive. She also had natural tanned skin, but in the summer it really glowed. I thought she looked gorgeous, even in her casual clothes, and I told her so.

"You look awesome too, Bella!"

I remembered how people would mistake us as sisters when we were younger, and now thinking about my dull eyes, pale complexion and boring attitude, I couldn't see how I could be ever half as attractive as she. A thought about Edward meeting Angela invaded my mind for a second, and I forced myself to shake away my bitter feelings. She had always been a great friend, and I had regretted not keeping in touch when I left.

Angela was a make-up artist in Los Angeles and was planning to launch a make-up collection for Sephora and her own make-up brand soon. Apparently, she was quite successful around the LA area, offering courses and working for a small group of young celebrities. I made a point of asking for her card to pass on to Rosalie. Angela was really excited when I told her about the Cullens and Edward. She remembered them from high school.

"You really look happy when you talk about Edward, you know," she said, smiling gently.

"I really, really like him," I responded.

She chuckled. "I can tell… Do you think he's 'The One'?"

I thought about it for a moment and pretended like everything was okay with me, that I had a future ahead of me with Edward.

"I'd want him to be," I said.

When we said goodbye outside of the coffee shop, we hugged and promised to keep in touch this time. Angela wanted to make specific plans for me to go visit her in L.A., and I said I would love to, but I'd have to talk to Charlie and Edward first and coordinate schedules. As I was driving home in my truck, it occurred to me that as much as I wanted to travel and visit Los Angeles and Hollywood, I really was running out of time. But that didn't bother me too much, because right then, I had everything I could hope for.

That evening, I started to pack for the weekend right after I hung up on the phone with Edward. I couldn't wait to see him, hug him, and kiss him again.

· - ·

**July 2nd—Wednesday**

Edward called me at noon to tell me that there had been a change of plans. He was supposed to come to Forks on Thursday afternoon, and we would leave for wherever we were going early the next day. He said he had arranged to get us there sooner. The new plan was that I would drive Edward's Volvo—which he had left at the Cullens'—to SeaTac at the time he was arriving on Thursday. We would sleep in Seattle and then Edward would drive us to our destination early on Friday. He said that would give him a couple more hours to rest and we would already be halfway to our retreat for the weekend.

Edward had already called his parents, so when I got by their house in the afternoon, Esme was waiting for me. I was slightly nervous about running into Carlisle, as I wouldn't feel comfortable around him after the call I made the previous Saturday. Fortunately, he wasn't there, so I didn't have to worry.

I spent some time with Esme, having coffee and giant muffins that she had baked. She really was a great woman.

She told me a little about Edward growing up. Esme and Carlisle were friends of Edward's parents, and she remembered how happy they were when they had him. The day the police knocked on the Cullens' door in Chicago and told them their friends had died in a tragic accident, leaving their seven-year-old son orphan, they were devastated. Even when Esme was telling me the story from her point of view, I couldn't help but empathize with little Edward. His parents were taken from him unexpectedly. When I felt tears streaming down my face, I realized how painful my actions would be for him.

Esme and I hugged each other while she told me how he felt detached for so many years that even after the Cullens took him in and raised him as one of their children, giving him their name, he still called them by name. Esme said she understood, but wished he felt like one of them. It was only that year that he had come back from New York after years of focusing solely on his studies and work.

Before that conversation, I knew very little about it. I knew the Cullens weren't his blood family, even though he had their last name, but I didn't know he had kept to himself until very recently. The way I saw him, he was the most caring, gentle person toward his family. Edward obviously loved them—Esme knew that, too— but he never said it. That gave me something to think about.

After Esme gave me the Volvo's keys and I thanked her for the coffee and the talk, I headed back home in Edward's car to find Charlie rummaging through the kitchen cupboards.

"Hey, Dad," I said before walking to peck him on his cheek.

"Hey, kiddo," he responded. "I found your note. Thought you'd stay for dinner at the Cullens."

"No, I told Esme I had to come back and make you dinner."

I started pulling out some vegetables from the fridge and my father sat at the kitchen table with a beer.

"So how did it go there?" he asked. "Is Edward back already?"

"Uh, no…" I continued chopping the vegetables. I was glad he couldn't see my reddening face. "Actually, I'm driving to Seattle tomorrow to pick him up from the airport."

"Hmm."

"And, uh… we'll kinda stay there for the night. He'll drive from there to wherever we're going on Friday. He says it's nearer," I said very quickly as I stopped chopping.

There was a moment of silence.

"So," Charlie started, "You'll leave tomorrow and won't come back until…?"

"Monday morning," I responded resuming my chopping.

"That's four nights," he said.

I set the knife down and turned around, alarmed and embarrassed. He surely couldn't be thinking about me and Edward being intimate.

"Dad!"

"Well, I'm just saying, at this time of year it's fairly expensive to spend more than two nights out on—" He caught himself before the big secret slipped, and I gasped.

I moved in front of him. "Where are we going?" I asked, hopeful.

"Bells." He sighed. "I can't tell you—"

"_Please_, Dad! Daddy?" I was pulling the big guns; I hadn't called him 'Daddy' in years.

"I can't, Bella. I promised Edward, and I'm a man of my word."

Clearly, I wasn't very good at interrogations.

"I just know you'll love it," he said, smiling, before his face turned serious and he grabbed my hands. "But I want you to be careful."

"I will, Dad," I responded with a smile, squeezing his hands. "And you can trust that Edward will take care of me, too."

"That's what he said," he grumbled, and I snickered. I was so excited.

· - ·

**July 3rd—Thursday**

Waiting for Edward to get off the plane was torture. When I finally spotted his crazy hair over the crowd, I rushed to hug him. He let out a happy laugh before I claimed his lips with mine.

"Wow, that's what I call a welcome," he said, grinning down at me.

I licked my lips and giggled. "I've been waiting almost four days to do that again."

We got Edward's bags and I drove to Seattle, guided by Edward, who made me tour the whole city, pointing out his favorite places. I asked him if this was really where we were spending the weekend, but he said it wasn't.

"As lovely as Seattle is, I'd like to be in a more romantic and isolated place with you," I said as we stopped at a red light.

"We'll spend the night here, and then I'll take you to that place," he responded, drawing circles with his finger on my knee.

"Okay." I smiled at him before a honk sounded behind us.

The hotel in downtown Seattle was really nice, but I told Edward he shouldn't have spent so much money just for one night. He just brushed it off like it was nothing, and I wondered why he was driving a Volvo when he could have a nicer car, too.

Up in the room, I was admiring the view from the window when Edward opened one of his bags and walked up to me. He embraced me from behind with one arm and nuzzled my neck.

"I've missed you," he murmured.

Then, he produced a t-shirt and displayed it for me to read 'NY (heart)'s ME' on the front. I laughed and turned around to kiss him.

"But I've never been there," I said.

"See? And it already loves you," he responded. "You're _that_ awesome."

I smiled at the gesture. He had been thinking about me. "Thank you, Edward."

He was tired from the trip, so we just ordered room service and relaxed on the bed watching a movie. He was asleep right after we finished eating, and I turned off the lights and the TV. As soon as I lay down next to him, he reached for me and we spooned comfortably. I had missed him, too. I wanted to seal into memory these moments of us together. Letting out a deep satisfied sigh in his sleep, Edward squeezed me closer so that I was flush against him. It wasn't long before sleep consumed me.

· - ·

**July 4th—Friday**

When Edward told me that it was only a ninety-minute drive from Seattle, I never imagined we would end up on an island. With the windows open, I could smell the salt from the water as we were getting near to the coast. I loved it. I was overjoyed when we boarded the ferry that took us to San Juan, one of the islands in the San Juan Islands, between the US mainland and Vancouver. It really was the greatest place we could have gone to, and Edward was very happy that I loved our destination so much. He really was enjoying my kisses and nibbles on the ferry.

"You'll be thoroughly rewarded for this later," I said to his neck. He responded with a moan and a boob grope.

Once we arrived at the island, he drove twenty minutes north, from one coast to another until we got to a beautiful house. There was another car there, and a woman approached us when we walked to the front door.

"Hello, I'm Siobhan Doyle," she said, smiling. "Welcome to San Juan Waterhouse!"

"I'm Edward Cullen," he said, shaking the woman's hand before I did the same. "This is Bella."

"Lovely," Siobhan said, looking at me. "I'll give you the tour."

She showed us the place, a reasonably big waterfront home built on grassy beach, secluded and with the most stunning view. They sold it as 'The most Premier whale watching!'

There was a stone fireplace in the living room, which had a very warm ambience to it. But I was enamored by the kitchen, which had a professional Viking stove. It had three bedrooms, the master bedroom with a king-sized bed, another one with a queen-sized, and a loft with two twins. The view from the three bedrooms was amazing. There was even a real clawfoot tub in one of the bathrooms.

It was all too perfect. There was a sandy beach directly in front of the house, and it was all surrounded by tide pools and rocky coves.

Apparently, Edward paid a little extra for Siobhan to buy all we would need for the weekend in terms of food and beverages. As soon as she left, he put some coffee to brew on the stove.

"Edward, I can't tell you how much I love this place," I said to him as I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I'm glad you like it," he responded. "I just want to make you happy, my Bella."

It was on the tip of my tongue to mention the fortune it must have cost to rent that place for the 4th of July in such short notice, but I didn't want to ruin the moment, so I just kissed him with all I had. We made out until the coffee was ready and he poured some in two little Thermoses.

"Let's go take a walk down the beach," he suggested.

A soft wind blew down by the shore and the coffee felt great. Edward took my hand as we walked, enjoying the peace.

"Would you live in a place like this forever?" he asked me after a few minutes.

I absolutely loved this place, but I wondered if I could be isolated from the people I loved. It would be more like living in Phoenix then in Forks, only not in a big city. Then I imagined having Edward and staying here, not forever, but until we were old wrinkly. I realized I'd choose that any day if it meant he was with me.

I choked up a little as I said, "Yes, I would… with you."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "We could have this, you know."

I looked up at him and saw he was looking ahead, but he was completely serious. Then he turned to look at me and I saw hope in his eyes, like he was waiting for me to say, "Let's do it!" But I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't give him false hopes. He tried to mask that bit of disappointment I saw in his eyes when I simply smiled. He kissed my cheek, and we kept walking.

We ate lunch on the main deck in front of the house.

"Do you think we will really see Orcas from here?" I asked, watching the water.

"Maybe," Edward responded. "We have a few days. They say the best time to see them is from late May through September."

"Wow." I was clearly fascinated by the idea of seeing real whales. I felt like a kid in Disneyland, or like I thought they would feel, because I had never been there, either.

"We can always take a tour in one of the boats from the harbor," he suggested.

"Yes!"

· - ·

After taking showers and unpacking everything, we prepared some sandwiches and bowls of fruit to take to the deck with us for our 4th of July night. Edward said we could go downtown and join the festivities in the island, but we could also watch the fireworks from the house, so we decided to stay. After so many days apart, it felt nice to be by ourselves. I certainly didn't want to step out of our bubble.

The deck was illuminated by the outdoor lights. The cold wind reddened our cheeks, and Edward went inside to take out a couple of blankets before we ate. He looked so young, with pink cheeks, sitting cross-legged beside me and munching on his dinner. I asked for a bite of his turkey and cheese sandwich just for a chance to get closer, and he fed me readily, embracing me with his free hand and his blanket, and kissing my ear. I shivered involuntarily every time he did that.

The sound of the water silenced us. When we were finished, Edward opened a champagne bottle, and we rested together on the pillows he had brought out with the blankets.

"Esme told me you had a chat the other day," Edward said, breaking the silence. I looked up to see his serene expression. "I haven't been very good to them."

"She thinks you don't feel a part of the family," I said, gently caressing his cool cheek.

"I do, and I'm very grateful to them for taking me in." He took a deep breath. "I don't think I could have been gifted with a better family."

"But…?"

"I just—" He sounded so broken.

Edward sat up and I followed. He looked far into the water, like I was that afternoon when I was watching for whales. He was remembering.

"I was just a kid, Bella, you know?" he said. "But I was well aware of what happened. And I can't call them my parents because I feel like they're much more than that. I loved my birth parents, but Carlisle and Esme are my saviors. They allowed me into their house, to eat their food and sleep under their roof. And if I was a quiet kid before, after my parents' accident, I didn't speak at all."

He looked at me with tearful eyes and my heart broke for that little kid all over again. I kissed him very softly, more for consolation than anything, and we hugged for a long time. I knew how much he missed his parents because I felt that way, too.

"I've never been one to express my feelings with words; that's why I play the piano," Edward said before resting his head on my shoulder. "I know how it hurts Esme to not hear me say how I feel about them, but I'll play for her every time she asks me to."

"I know."

He looked at me and cupped my face in his hands.

"The album I'm composing now is for them… and for you," he said as the sky was illuminated by thousands of lights exploding in red, blue and white.

· - ·

**I don't know if you can actually see the fireworks from there, but the Waterhouse is a real place in Friday Harbor, WA. Check out the photos at ** www dot sanjuanwaterhouse dot com/pages/photos dot htm

**Some whale-watching and outdoor loving coming up next! **

**What were your 4th of July celebrations? See you soon. x**


	12. Soulmate

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Can't update a chapter without thanking profusely Wendy (beta) and Jen (pre reader) for working with me. They're simply fabulous!

I'd never reached more than 100 reviews before! Thanks, guys! - On a slightly different note, someone said they found this on The Lemonade Stand site... pretty sure MLWM is not there, but hey, I'll take it as a compliment that you thought it was. You guys can always recommend it to them ;) Hope you enjoy this one! Let me know.

· - ·

**CHAPTER 11 – Soulmate **

**Previously:**

_He looked at me and cupped my face in his hands._

"_The album I'm composing now is for them… and for you," he said as the sky was illuminated by thousands of lights exploding in red, blue and white._

**July 4th—Friday**

Edward's eyes shone with unshed tears. I saw so much emotion in them that all I wanted was for him to feel better, to be happy again.

When my mother died, I couldn't bear the pain it caused me to know that I would never see her again, or hear her voice, or touch her. She was gone. But it wasn't entirely unexpected. What Edward experienced at the age of seven was far too much than what he was supposed to at that age, or any age for that matter. No one should ever have to see their parents gone so fast so soon.

Edward brushed away a tear that had fallen from my eyes.

"Don't cry for me, Bella," I heard him say over the fireworks.

I shook my head. I was crying for that little boy, for all the children who had lost their parents or one of them, like me, even before they were old enough to learn how to drive. It wasn't fair. Life never was fair.

And when I thought about myself and my situation, I cried for the Edward in front of me, too. Because when all of this was over, I would cause him pain all over again. As he embraced me and I put my head against his chest, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him everything and let him run away. But I was scared and I was selfish, and I couldn't let him go just yet. I needed him. So instead, I squeezed him hard and stopped crying, because what was the point?

There were still beautiful fireworks in the sky when I lifted my head to look at Edward. I caressed his cheeks and dried his tears with the soft blanket. I wasn't good at expressing my feelings, either. I just kissed him gently until he pushed for more and I let him devour me for minutes.

Finally, the noise stopped and the sky cleared out of lights and colors. We were getting cold, so we grabbed our things and went inside, hand-in-hand.

· - ·

In the room, I made Edward sit on one side of the bed with his feet on the ground and I settled behind him. I wanted to show him affection and make him feel loved, without having to say it. I wasn't ready for that yet.

I started massaging his scalp and he moaned, tilting his head back. Then I softly kissed his exposed neck and throat. He loved my hands in his hair almost as much as he loved touching my boobs. As I kissed, nibbled and licked away, my hands moved down and to his collar, where I started unbuttoning his shirt. He had the sexiest chest imaginable—to me—and I was intent on taking advantage of it. Edward let my fingers roam up and down, and I took inventory of every lean muscle, every goosebump that rose on the skin I was caressing or lightly scratching.

After his shirt was discarded, I massaged his shoulders and felt how he let out some of the tension.

"I didn't mean to turn this into a sob fest" he murmured.

"No. I like that you opened up to me," I responded softly before leaning in to his ear. "Now, let it all go and relax."

I made him lay down face-up on the bed, with his head on the pillows, and told him to close his eyes and don't move.

"I haven't seen candles lying around; where do you have them?" he joked.

"Shush," I said, giggling. "Just humor me."

"Okay." He took a deep breath and then let out a long exhale.

I took a moment to take him in: shirtless, vulnerable, and utterly tempting. I didn't know where to begin. Before Edward, I had never been too proactive in regards to—what was I doing?—seducing? Foreplay-ing? Anyway, seeing Edward like that in front of me and thinking that we had all night tonight and a couple more days, and half an island to ourselves, I wasn't in a rush. But Edward seemed impatient as he opened one eye, probably wondering what was taking me so long. I told him to close it and went to my nightstand, where I had put my scentless lotion.

Luckily, my hands were warm, so I just went for it and squirted a little bit of lotion into my palm and Edward's chest, making him hiss. I rubbed his sexy torso for a while, using different amounts of pressure and number of fingers. He loved every minute of it, and I was happy to see him enjoy.

_Something _was happy, too, when I took Edward's pants off. I could see the outline through his boxers. Damn, he was too hot. Silently, I stripped down to my blue panties before I straddled his legs and put my bra over his eyes.

"Fuck," he groaned. He knew what it was.

I felt like a cat in heat. I rubbed my breasts lightly across Edward's fine torso and down to his groin until I was eye-level with it. He tried to touch me a couple of times, but I pinned his arms down. He was obviously stronger than me, but didn't protest too much. He moaned and hissed when I lowered his boxers down to his ankles and took a long lick from the balls to the tip of his erection. I continued with my art of fellatio until he was about to come. Edward took my bra out of his eyes and tried to sit up, but I didn't let him.

"Stop it!" I playfully admonished him. "Close your eyes."

He did as I said and lay back down again. He moaned so loud when I resumed my motions, circling the head with my tongue and stroking him.

"I want to see," he whined, meekly. "Please, Bella? I'm so close."

Guys are more into visual than sensory experiences, that much I knew. And I didn't want to make that particular experience a cheap blow job, I wanted to pleasure him.

I rose and kissed his lips gently.

"You may open your eyes," I said into his mouth before pulling apart. Then I saw green, deep and expressive. He smiled.

I took one of his hands and guided it from my neck down to my breast, which he kneaded happily. I kissed his other hand and went down again to finish the job. I took my time licking and sucking, tasting him on my tongue as he got louder and louder. If we were in an apartment, the neighbor would undoubtedly hear his breathy moans right before he came in my hand.

Edward let out a delighted, "Oh, Bella" when I licked some of the cum from his tip and swallowed it quickly, before letting his head fall back on the pillow with a sigh. I giggled and walked to the bathroom to get a wet towel and water bottles.

Needless to say, after I helped Edward clean up the mess, I was still throbbing with desire. And I guess he figured it out by the way I was rubbing my thighs together unconsciously. Seeing him so naked lying on the bed, with a smile so sweet, wasn't helping.

"Hey," he said when he saw me there, watching him, still hungry for him. "C'mere, beautiful."

He nuzzled my bare breasts softly as he wrapped his arms around my waist before pinning me to the bed underneath him. He wanted to go slow, taking his time with me like I had done with him, but I urged him on, almost desperate for release. It wasn't long before he was hard again and growing harder inside me. His face in that intimate moment was so precious that I damned every single woman who had seen it. Or was that one just for me?

When Edward massaged my clit with his thumb, I came almost instantly, but he kept going at it. He lasted quite long that second time round and made me see stars a second time when we changed position, and a few seconds later he came, too, cursing breathlessly.

I snuggled against the pillows while he cleaned himself up in the bathroom. He came back looking thoroughly fucked, with his crazier-than-normal hair and dopey grin. I was so tired. He took care of me, wiping my inner thighs and whatnot, and pulling up clean panties over my legs. He had put on clean underwear too.

"Can't have you getting a cold," he said, jokingly.

I laughed sleepily. "Yes, no cold for my vag, please."

He covered us with the sheets and spooned me. I was always amazed by how well we fit in every way.

"My Bella, bellísima," he murmured against the back of my neck, his breath making me tingle in the dark. "Thank you… for everything."

I squeezed his arm over my stomach. "Thank _you_."

· - ·

**July 5th—Saturday **

I woke up very early, and when I saw through the window the beauty of the place we were in, I couldn't resist going outside. I put on some sweatpants and one of Edward's hoodies that was too big for me but super comfy. I had gone to La Push beach in my teenage years to run in the mornings, sometimes alone and sometimes with Jake, but I liked the solitude. Even with Jake, we never talked, just ran along the shore, deep inside our own heads.

That morning, I was feeling the subtle, cool breeze on my face, thinking about Edward, who was constantly in my mind. I imagined us living there, having a peaceful life. I could go for runs every morning without having to drive to the beach, we could have Edward's piano in the living room, in front of the fireplace, facing the windows, those with the greatest views of the sea I had ever seen. It could be so easy to fall for that kind of life with Edward. I realized I wanted it so bad, not because of the big house or the beautiful sights, but because I would have Edward all to myself, and that was all I needed.

I stopped abruptly, suddenly out of breath. I put my hands on my knees and looked toward the horizon, toward the endless span of water, with the house I could only dream of behind me.

And I saw something move in the water, far away from the shore. One second it was there, the next it wasn't. _What was that?_ I stood up and in a minute, it was there again, and I saw it clearly. I gasped.

"Bella!" I heard Edward call from the deck. I turned around and saw him shirtless, wearing sweatpants and the biggest smile on his face. I ran toward him.

"Did you see it?" I asked before hugging him.

He laughed happily. "I did."

I pulled away and looked at him, smiling. "That was a whale, right? An Orca?"

"I think so."

"Oh my God, it was awesome!" I exclaimed. "Can we go see them today?"

"Sure, let's get on a boat," he responded. "I'll book one for later. We can go into town for lunch afterward."

"Yes!"

I felt so happy and so light in that moment and in Edward's arms. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him eagerly. He responded immediately, squeezing me close to his hard body. When he moved his lips down to my neck, I pulled back.

"Wait," I said, putting my hands on his shoulders and feeling his skin, which rendered me momentarily speechless. "I'm sweaty and gross from my run."

"No, you wait." He hugged me again. "I missed you when I woke up."

I caressed his bare back. "Aren't you cold?"

"I'm good," he said to my ear before lightly sucking my earlobe.

"Hmm, yes you are."

We made out again for a few minutes. If he didn't mind kissing me in the state I was in, neither did I.

Edward led me to one of the red seats and knelt before me.

"I like you in my clothes," he said, running his hands inside the hoodie to touch my breasts. "But you look better without them."

In no time, he had me naked and squirming in my seat. I dug my short nails in his shoulders as he kissed down my stomach to where I needed him the most. His tongue was magical. I could imagine the whales watching us and being jealous of me. I'd never had a lover who enjoyed giving pleasure like Edward did. He was slow and gentle at first, and as my orgasm built up, he picked up the pace, ending with a nice flick of his tongue that made me clench around his fingers. I felt like Jell-O after that.

"God, now I'm spent," I said, breathlessly.

He licked his lips, grinning. "Best breakfast ever."

"You're gross," I said, laughing.

"You loved that!" he mocked, pretending to be offended.

"I did." _Certainly_. I stood up, not without a little help, and pecked Edward's lips. "Now, we need a proper breakfast. I want coffee."

· - ·

The rest of the morning was spent relaxing on the beach. I read and talked with Edward, and he brought his iPod so that I could listen to his favorite music. He was an artist; he knew what was good and what wasn't. I loved everything he shared with me.

The shower saw some sexual action, too. Edward said he couldn't tire of me and I felt the same. I mean, I hadn't had that much sex in years, and he was an amazing lover. In fact, the whole weekend was spent doing pretty much nothing… and having sex. It almost felt like the honeymoon I would never have.

In the afternoon, we drove to Spring Street Landing where we met Captain Jenks, owner of one of the smallest boats in the island. He was a kind, middle-aged, balding man who had lived there and driven his 'Soulmate' for the last thirty years. He had a lot of experience in Orca whales and wildlife. As we were sailing into deep water, he told us that he had three published books. I made a mental note to check them out because he seemed like an interesting man. He was very knowledgeable and made us feel welcomed and comfortable. I feared of seasickness, especially in such a small boat, but it all went perfectly smooth.

About half an hour into the trip, Captain Jenks slowed the boat to a moderate velocity, and Edward and I sat closer together expectantly. Jenks had told us that it was uncertain if we would see any Orcas, but I was happy just to be on the water.

However, it wasn't long before two big Orcas breached near the 'Soulmate.' Edward and I shouted excitedly. They were so close we could hear their exhales. I had never seen anything like that. We were so fixated on those two whales that we didn't notice when a few others joined them.

Jenks kept the boat about a hundred yards from the pod of Orcas. In a moment, three of them were breaching almost completely out of the water, as if showing off their strength and beauty. Up close, they were breathtaking and kind of scary at the same time.

The wind was blowing, and I wrapped my jacket tightly around myself as Edward put his arm around my shoulders. He pointed somewhere in the water.

"Look, Bella," he said, smiling.

I looked where he was pointing and gasped. I saw two big fins of Orca whales about to breach and then a much smaller one next to them.

"Oh, my God," I whispered.

"Yeah, you see?" Jenks said, proudly. "They have a little one."

"Amazing," Edward said.

I watched with rapt attention the little fin pop here and there, swimming around with the other whales. They were such majestic creatures; I couldn't take my eyes off them. Edward took pictures and made videos with his cell phone camera.

Captain Jenks extended the trip seeing as how we were having such a blast before we lost the light.

That night, I was in bed and in Edward's arms, still feeling the motions of the boat over the water and being amazed by what we had seen. I would never forget the magical moment of witnessing the purest side of life: wild animals in their natural habitat.

Edward must have sensed I was a bit restless. He squeezed me closer, and I felt his lips behind my neck and his muffled voice saying, "Perfect day." I couldn't think of a better word.

· - ·

**The 'Soulmate' is a real small boat that Captain Carli owns in the San Juan Islands. There's a cool website explaining what he does and there's also an awesome video of whale-watching. www dot carliwhalewatch dot com I'd love to do that sometime, wouldn't you? **

**There's even a cooler video from someplace very near the San Juan Islands on youtube youtu dot be / GIrsrRnerHY [REPLACE DOTS]**


	13. Possibility

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Wendy (beta) and Jen (prereader) are the Alfred to my Batman. _[and speaking of that, my condolences to the victim's families in Denver]_

I woke up today to quite a few story alerts and followers... did something happen? I always like to know where do you find my story. Thanks for reading, anyway. Enjoy!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 12 – Possibility**

**July 7th—Monday**

After dropping me off at home before noon, Edward promised to call me soon. I was on cloud nine when I got to my bedroom and didn't notice my phone ringing at first. As I was digging in my purse for it, it stopped.

"Crap," I mumbled, annoyed.

It was Jacob. I dialed him back.

"Hey Bells," he greeted. "Charlie told me you went out of town with your boyfriend; are you back yet?"

Had Charlie really called Edward my "boyfriend"?

"Well, yes I am," I responded as I opened my luggage. "Just got back. Why?"

"I found some things I thought you would want to see," Jacob explained. "Today's the only day I have off work this week. Can you swing by?"

"Okay, I'll grab some lunch and meet you there."

"No need, we have Sue's leftovers."

· - ·

After I showered and got dressed in some comfortable clothes, I got in my truck and drove to La Push. Jake was waiting for me outside, and he greeted me with a big hug. I chuckled.

"Happy to see me?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said, pulling back. "You didn't tell me you were going on a trip. I missed you."

I was gone for four days, and I had been a bit more than a couple of hours away. At first I thought he was exaggerating, and then I realized Jacob was one of the most genuine people I knew, and I felt bad. From this trip I was able to return, at least. What would happen when I didn't? He just got me back. _I_ just got him back.

"Aw, Bells," he said, kissing my cheek. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad. It's okay."

With his strong arm around my shoulders, he led me inside his father's house. It was exactly how I remembered it; nothing had changed.

He made me sit on the old couch and offered me something to drink. He brought me water before entering his bedroom. From what I could see from my position, it was all the same there, too. I could pretend for a second that I had never left.

"Look," Jacob said before sitting next to me.

He had an old cartoon box in his hands. He opened it and handed me the first piece of paper in the pile inside it.

_**Best Friends Forever**_

_**Signed: Jacob & Bella**_

I gasped, surprised. I looked at the now yellow paper and back at Jacob four times until it sank in. Tears formed in my eyes.

"You kept this?" I asked, choked by emotion. I had written that years and years ago, back when my mother started feeling sick.

"I kept everything, Bella," he responded. "And I had forgotten about it until I was packing things and found my treasure boxes. All three of them."

"Three?"

"I think every single childhood memory I have involves you in a way."

He was probably right. Even with outings with our families, we always tried to include one another. He was the brother I never had. I hugged him, happy to have had him in my life.

We went through every photo, every piece of paper, every letter and every movie ticket. There were just a few things that didn't include me, mostly concert tickets from after I left. He even had a picture with Leah, and I realized they were around the same age; they must have gone to school together.

"Yes," he said. "I mean, I've known her for a long time, we just never socialized."

"Why do you have this photo?"

"Well, you know Leah's cousin, Emily, is with Sam now? Leah was with Sam before that while I dated Emily," he started explained, sheepishly. "What nobody knows—and I mean, _nobody_, except you now—is that Leah and I had a thing one summer."

"What?"

I couldn't imagine Leah and Jacob together. I knew Jake; he was kind, protective and charming. I didn't know Leah very much, but she didn't seem like the kind of girl he would date.

"Harry Clearwater died a few months after you left," he said. "After the funeral ritual at the beach, Leah and I got talking—"

"And one thing led to another?"

"Well, kinda…" Jacob responded, scratching the back of his neck. "We hung out for a couple weeks outside of La Push. She hated it here. Summer came and yeah, one thing led to another."

"But she dated Sam after that?" I asked. "What happened with you?"

"She'd been in love with him for a long time," he said. "I was just there at the right time to be her friend."

I raised a brow. "Her friend with benefits?"

"I guess…" he said, chuckling. "It worked for both of us. We were both virgins, we wanted to get rid of it, and then we did it for fun. She's cool."

"Wow."

It was certainly a better story than mine. Mike wasn't a virgin when I agreed to have sex with him, but I couldn't say he was exactly experienced. He didn't even make me come before sticking his button dick in my vagina. In my head, it wouldn't have even counted if I hadn't seen that bit of blood on the condom. To be fair, Mike wasn't such a tool back then. And he was pretty good looking. Anyway, Jacob's story was great, actually.

· - ·

After having lunch with Jacob, I was feeling pretty tired, but still made an effort to go visit Sue, who didn't live very far from the Blacks. I asked Jacob if he wanted to come with me.

"Nah," he responded. "I have to work on Seth's birthday present. You go ahead."

"Oh, when is it? What are you working on?"

"This Friday," Jacob said. "I'm putting together his first motorcycle. And before you ask, I have Sue's approval."

I said goodbye to Jake and walked exactly six minutes to the Clearwaters. Leah opened the door and we exchanged hellos. Since hearing Jacob's story, I saw her in a different way. What I felt for her wasn't exactly pity, but she hadn't had the easiest life emotionally. Just imagining Edward leaving me for one of my cousins summoned a wave of rage and disappointment from deep inside me. But above all else, I could fathom what it would do to me—it would break my heart into millions of pieces. In that situation, if the tumors didn't kill me first, _that_ would. It made me appreciate what I had even more.

We sat down at the kitchen table after Leah filled us two cups of coffee. She said her mother was on the phone in her room, probably with Charlie. I smiled. I was so happy for him.

"I swear, my mom acts like a teenager these days," Leah said, shaking her head. "I don't know how she still manages with the cooking."

"Oh, but she's pretty good at it." We laughed. "I know how she feels."

As soon as I finished the sentence with a sigh, I realized what I had said. I looked at Leah, almost ready to see her bitch face, but instead I saw her smirking.

"C'mon, don't look at me like that," she said. "I know how she feels, too, and it's wonderful."

"Yes, it is."

"And Charlie's a great man," Leah stated. "I wouldn't be surprised if they got hitched soon."

"What? Seriously?" I _would_ be surprised, but really, really happy for them.

"Yeah, haven't you thought about it?" Leah raised her brows.

_Find Charlie a new wife_. It was in my bucket list. But I hadn't had to do anything, really. And I thought the romance with Sue was fairly new, but I guess it ran deeper. Yes, I had thought about it, I just didn't think I could witness it.

"I'd loved if it happened," I said.

We stayed silent for a moment, each with our own thoughts.

"I kind of envy them," Leah said softly, interrupting my train of thought. "It's easy for them, you know. Or it seems like it is."

"They've known each other for a long time," I said. "They don't have to work hard for it, they don't have to impress each other, and they don't have much to hide."

"Yeah, but isn't that a vulnerability, too?" she asked.

"Maybe not for them. They know what to expect," I said. "What you see is what you get, I guess."

"You're right," she said, nodding. "I guess they're at a point when they don't want to take the time to think about it."

I knew what she meant. I couldn't help but to see myself in that situation with Edward, in a very new but intense relationship, feeling like if I doubted myself or our relationship for a second, I would only be wasting time. I could understand, then, how Charlie would relate to that.

"If you want something you can have, why wait?" I said.

"Exactly," Leah said so quietly that it was almost whispered.

I couldn't shake the thought that maybe Leah was contemplating something. Was she looking for advice from this conversation? I figured we still weren't close enough for her to ask for it or for me to offer it directly. Still, I felt that my input had been somewhat useful to her, and for that, I was glad.

· - ·

"Bella!" Sue hugged me enthusiastically. "It's good to see you, darling."

I chuckled happily. She was such a nice woman. "Good to see you, too."

"I was just on the phone with your father," she said.

Leah rolled her eyes playfully as if saying, "Figures."

"He would happily spend the whole day listening to me talking, that man," Sue continued.

"Yes, he isn't much of a talker himself," I replied.

"But when I told him you were here on a visit, he almost forced me to hang up."

All three of us laughed. I figured he probably was delighted that I was spending time with Sue and Leah.

As I sipped my coffee, I listened to Sue explain all kinds of stories, about the people in La Push when Leah and I were younger, about Charlie when I wasn't here, and about Leah—who refused to listen to that and took the opportunity to go to the bathroom—and Seth.

"Ah yes, Jacob told me earlier that his birthday is this week," I said, as I stood up to put my cup in the sink.

"He's turning 16; he's very excited," Sue said. "I suppose Charlie didn't have a chance to tell you, but you're invited to the party."

"Oh, that's nice. Sure, I'll come."

I smiled down at her and she smiled back. Then, she stood up and walked to hug me. She was so warm and smelled very nice, like cookies and sweet tea.

"Of course, you can bring that boy of yours," she said to my hair.

_Mine_. Yes, he was.

I nodded. Suddenly, I couldn't wait for Edward to meet Sue, Seth and Leah, and for them to meet him. I gently squeezed Sue closer to me and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Your father loves you very much," she said, "and I can clearly see why."

We pulled apart, and she put her hands on my cheeks, looking at me in the eye with a kind smile before kissing my forehead. Charlie was so lucky to have found such a caring woman.

"Mom?" We turned to Leah, who had just entered the kitchen. "Do you have any more of those herbalist capsules? I just got my period."

"No, honey," Sue responded. "I have to go get more and a couple other things, but Charlie won't be able to drive me there until Thursday, he said."

"I have ibuprofen, or I can run to the pharmacy if you want," I offered.

"Thanks, Bella," Leah said before adding, "but we prefer herbalist medicines. They work better."

"Really?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Yes. At least I feel like they do."

I was actually interested.

"Sue, I could take you to the herbalist tomorrow," I offered.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" she asked.

"Of course not! I want to."

We decided I'd pick her up early in the morning and drive to Port Angeles, where an herbalist called Maggie had her practice, just at the outskirts of town. We would have breakfast together and then drive home for lunch. I told this to Edward on the phone later that night and agreed to spend the rest of the day with him. He also agreed to come to Seth's birthday party with me. I couldn't wait to show him off.

· - ·

**July 8th—Tuesday**

I woke up early, showered and got ready for my day. I went down to the kitchen just as Charlie was filling two cups of coffee.

"Morning, kiddo." He kissed my cheek affectionately.

"Good morning," I said, yawning. I was feeling more tired than usual lately.

"Too early for you?" Charlie teased.

When I arrived at the Clearwaters' house in La Push, Seth was mounting his bicycle. It was then that I knew he'd love Jake's birthday present and I made a mental note to ask Sue what I could give him.

"Hey, Bella!" he greeted enthusiastically as I rolled down my window. "You here to get Mom? She'll be out in a minute."

"I'll wait," I said, offering him a smile. "How are you doing?"

"Great! I'm gonna go down at the beach with the guys today."

"Sounds fun."

"Hey, you're coming to my birthday party, right?" His eyes were hopeful and innocent.

"Sure, if you want me there."

"Yes! My friends will think I'm the coolest for having you as a stepsister when they meet you."

My heart melted. He was the sweetest kid ever. My face broke into a smile bigger than a house.

"I'll be there," I said with a single nod.

"Cool!"

He turned to leave with his bike just as Sue came out of the house.

"See you later, Ma!" he shouted.

"Be careful!" Sue shouted back.

· - ·

About an hour later, I parked the car by a coffee shop near the herbalist practice. Sue ordered tea and I had a coffee, and both of us had a chocolate croissant. _Delicious_.

She told me a little bit about Maggie, the herbalist. Apparently, she was from a family of Canadian Native Americans and had learned phytology from her mother, who in turn had learned from her mother, and so on. Maggie had a very small list of regular patients, but a lot of people came to her in very particular situations.

I had heard stories about frauds with this kind of people, but Sue assured me that she was one of those regulars, and Maggie had always provided the best quality medicines for her family. She even told me she trusted her with her life.

The wheels were turning in my head the whole time, and as Sue was telling me about some of the most miraculous cases she knew about from Maggie, I let my heart have a tiny bit of hope. Hope for a better life, for a longer life. Could it be possible? Could someone like Maggie save me from something doctors couldn't cure? How could I find out without raising suspicion?

Sue led me down a nearly deserted street. The entrance to the practice was through the back of a house and up the stairs. I almost expected it to be a very dark and mysterious place, but it was actually very light and clean. I was surprised.

At the farthest wall, there was a large rectangular window that faced the street at the front of the house. The rest of the walls were so packed with stands that you could barely see the paint. At one side, there were books and at the opposite side there were different-sized, labeled jars which contained all kinds of plants, fruits and powders. At the back, there was a simple examination table and a piece of furniture with several drawers.

Maggie greeted us at the door and told us to sit in front of her desk, facing the window. It was mahogany and looked like an antique, apart from incredibly heavy.

She was a russet skinned woman, probably about ten years younger than Sue, and was very attentive the whole time. She seemed like a good listener. Sue and she talked about Leah, who needed those period capsules and Seth, who was taking vitamins to help him focus on his tasks at school and home. He was a little hyperactive.

"And you, dear?" Maggie asked me.

"Oh, I'm… fine." _Understatement of my lifetime_.

"She drove me here," Sue explained. "She's Charlie's daughter."

"That's what I was about to ask! You look so much like your father!"

I had to laugh, but I was actually curious about Charlie having known this woman.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Maggie asked me when we were about to leave.

"No, but thank you." _Can you save my life?_

"Well, you know where I am if you need me, okay?" She took my hand and placed a card in it.

· - ·

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I was too fixated on the card in my pocket to pay any attention to anything. I watched a movie with Edward and when it ended I couldn't even tell him what I had liked the most about it. I had no idea what I had seen.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked me at the door before I left.

"Uh-huh." I raised myself on my tiptoes to kiss his lips and hug him really hard.

"Stay the night," he whispered.

"I can't," I responded halfheartedly. "Charlie's expecting me back."

"Please?"

I shook my head before kissing him again. "Tomorrow," I said to his lips.

For some reason, I felt like I needed some time and space to clear my head.

When I sat on my bed that night and placed the card on my nightstand, I made up my mind. I wanted a life with Edward, with my father, Sue, Leah and Seth, and with the Cullens and Jacob. I wanted to live. And if the doctors couldn't help me, at least I knew there was the possibility of other options. Even if they didn't work, I'd try. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.

· - ·

"Hello?"

"Um, hello, this is Bella… friend of Sue's, Charlie's daughter."

"Oh, yes," she said. "What can I do for you, dear?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Sure, go ahead."

"Are you subject to a confidentiality agreement?"

· - ·

**Like always, a teaser for next chapter will be up on Monday in The Fictionators blog and on Wednesday in Twific Central. Follow me on twitter -at-LovegoodBetty. See you next Friday! x**


	14. Breakdown

**Disclaimer**: ___This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental._I don't own Twilight, clearly.

I can't ever express how much I appreciate Wendy's (beta) and Jen's (prereader) work. Thank you, girls!

Sorry this was late, but I was away on holiday and wasn't able to update. I forgot to tell you that this might happen.

Anyway, I hope you're ready...

· - ·

**CHAPTER 13 – Breakdown**

**July 9th—Wednesday**

I woke up with renewed spirits. Maggie hadn't been able to squeeze my visit between patients the day before, so today I was driving to Port Angeles early in the morning.

Edward needed to work on his music, and I told him I was going to buy Seth a birthday present, which wasn't exactly a lie. Still, it wasn't the only thing I'd be doing in Port Angeles, and the fact that I couldn't tell Edward was eating at me.

I sat in front of Maggie's desk with shaky hands, looking out the window at the gray sky. The door to the office opened and Maggie walked to the desk before placing a mug of coffee in front of me. I didn't think it was a normal doctor-patient procedure, but I reminded myself that she wasn't really a doctor. And I was nervous. I needed something to hold on to.

"Alright, Bella," she said after taking a sip from her mug and before opening a notebook beside her. "How are you?"

"I'm okay... just nervous," I responded.

"Oh, don't be, dear," she said kindly. "So, since this is your first official visit, I need to ask you a few questions to elaborate a history. Things like your age, previous diseases, etcetera, and then we can dive right into the reason why you're here."

When I'd spoken to her the other day on the phone, I only wanted confirmation that everything we discussed would be confidential. I wasn't sure she would be able to help me, but first I needed to make sure that just a simple consultation wouldn't ruin everything I'd been doing up to that point.

She proceeded to ask me questions about me and my health, and I responded to all of them as she wrote in the notebook. She explained again that everything we talked and would talk about was going to be kept secret, unless it was asked about in court or I said something that implied a threat to others' lives or myself. That last part scared me and I almost backed down. Then I thought the only life-threatening things that were going to be discussed were the tumors I had, but it wasn't my decision to have them. I was there to try to get rid of them, in fact. So I accepted the terms.

"Now, how can I help you, Bella?" Maggie asked.

"Well, I um... I'm sick," I said, lamely. She waited for me to continue. "I have inoperable tumors in both of my ovaries."

"Oh, dear..." she put her hand over mine for a moment.

Maggie was an overly sympathetic woman, with all the 'dear's and little touches. I figured she was trying to establish some kind of positive rapport. I had always hated that trait in strange people who didn't know me, and I was starting to doubt that she would be able to help me. When she started writing on the notebook, I felt stupid. Again, she wasn't a doctor.

"Look," she started, "I admit that this topic is way over my head."

_Perfect. _

"It's not that people with cancer haven't come to see me before," she explained. "But 'inoperable' is a strong word."

"Oh, I know," I said. "I just thought... I don't know, really."

"I know, dear."

She looked at me for a long time. I could almost smell her stupid useless pity rolling out of her and crawling over the desk to me. I was about to stand up and leave when she sighed and spoke again.

"I can't promise anything, Bella. This is a tough subject."

"Trust me, I know."

"I know a couple of specialists in the area who can help you with overcoming the worst symptoms, but I want to make sure that you know that cancer is something we can't make disappear, even if the case wasn't as... grave as yours."

"Okay..."

"In my twenty years of experience, I can say that one of the most popular treatments against cancer symptoms is acupuncture," she said while searching for something in one of her desk drawers. "At least, it is proven to be effective on chemotherapy symptoms."

She produced a card and handed it to me. Bold blue letters mocked me, "Elizabeth Biers, acupuncturist."

· - ·

So Maggie couldn't help me. No one could.

I felt discouraged and disheartened. I just wanted to go back home, crawl into bed, and stay there until the end. But I drove to the mall instead—I needed to get something for Seth. He still had a lot of birthdays to live. I sat in my car in the parking lot realizing that I wouldn't even have the opportunity to celebrate my 24th birthday.

_Well then, Merry Unbirthday, Bella._

I sighed and braced my arms over the steering wheel, burying my face in them. I felt so depressed. What had happened to the happiness I felt just days ago? Gone. What was the point of it all? I couldn't escape death.

Had my mother felt like this when she was sick? I remember feeling so lost, seeing her in such a bad shape in her last days. Another good reason to keep my secret.

Without warning, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like life had been throwing rocks at me my whole life, like I was destined to overcome inevitable pain only to inadvertently inflict it upon others.

_Should I just give up now?_

Sure, I had a few things to look forward to, but in the end, what was the point of those last couple of months?

Still feeling tears running down my face and sniffing, I raised my head. From where I had parked I could see the entrance to the Port Angeles Walmart. I saw kids with their parents trotting happily outside with their new toys or books, grandparents with their grandchildren, who didn't let go of their hands, and smiley couples, maybe on their way to buy condoms and have a happy healthy life.

I couldn't stand it. I realized that I was probably being dramatic, stuck in my own head. We all have problems. But a fact is a fact, and it was going to be me who was going to die in a matter of months. I could try my best to be happy, but in the end... I broke down in sobs once again.

A tap on my window interrupted my self-pity party. I sniffed and tried to erase the tears from under my eyes before I turned my head.

A complete stranger asked me through the closed window, "Are you okay, Miss?"

_Am I okay?_

Here was one person who was not completely self absorbed, noticing a girl crying her heart out in her car. My pained expression softened, and I wished for this kind man to have a great life—just for being a good person. But then I realized that my wishes had hardly ever came true. And anyway, hadn't I been a good person too?

I just shook my head, put on my sunglasses, started my truck, put it in reverse, and drove out of the parking lot. In my rearview mirror, I saw how the slightly concerned stranger stood there—confused.

· - ·

Charlie wasn't home when I pulled in the driveway.

During the longest drive of my life, it had occurred to me that I couldn't make him go through watching someone he loved die slowly. I was going to pack and leave before he got home. Then I figured I'd break his heart all over again anyway, along with Edward's, Jacob's, and everyone else's I had come to care about since coming back to Forks. I had changed my mind back and forth a dozen times. Nothing seemed like the right decision.

Once inside the house, I went up directly to my room. To my bed.

I don't know how long it had been, but I had cried myself to sleep, and the ring of my phone woke me up.

Feeling exhausted, I tried to get up, but the phone was on my dresser at the other side of the room; besides I wasn't feeling up to talk to anyone. In the back of my mind, I knew it was probably Charlie or Edward, but I stayed in bed, under my cocoon of soft sheets.

I was woken up several times by the incessant ringing before I decided to get it.

"Bella? Where are you? Are you okay?" It was Edward. Why did he sound so alarmed?

_8 missed calls_. Right. And it had only been an hour and a half since I got home.

"Bella?" he insisted.

"Hmm?"

I touched my face.

"Why weren't you picking up? Are you home yet?"

I had the urge to keep him away. From my depressed self and the dried tears across my cheeks.

Weakly, I said, "No, I... I'll call you back," and hung up before breaking down in tears again.

· - ·

_Click._

"Hey, Leah... I know we haven't known each other for that long, but you're a great girl. You're passionate... That's very powerful.

"Maybe you think life hasn't been fair to you. I know how that feels, trust me. Well, life sucks most of the time. But you have people you have to take care of and people who love you, no matter what.

"And when you find that special person, the definite one, go for it. Don't hesitate. Don't waste the time. You know what they say: better to say you're sorry than to ask for permission.

"Your haircut rocks, by the way. You should wear it down all the time."

_Click_.

· - ·

_Click_.

"Sweet Seth. I guess I'm supposed to tell you not to get in trouble, but I don't think that's necessary, because you're the brightest kid I've ever known. I'm sure your mother and sister are very proud of you. I know as your step-sister, I am.

"Either way, be careful. Underage drinking and smoking are _not_ cool. You can have fun without that.

"And I've already seen what will be your first motorbike. Be careful with that, too.

"I'll miss you."

_Click_.

· - ·

_Click_.

"Sue, I..."

I sighed and pressed pause. You would think I had run out of tears to cry, but they were threatening to come out once again.

I was recording as many goodbye messages I could, but as I went through my list, it was getting harder and harder. As I got to Sue, I was starting to regret having the idea in the first place. It was almost macabre to think that they would be listening to them when I was already gone. It was sad, too. I couldn't continue, so I hid the tapes and recording machine.

It was probably the day I had thought about my death the most since I had received the news. And I was sure it was the day I cried the most. I felt so completely out of control, like I could die any moment. I was scared and tired.

And Edward kept calling me every twenty minutes. Each time I heard his voice on the phone, he seemed so far away. A piece of me wanted to keep it that way. But each time he sounded more and more anguished, and I almost felt the need to say something.

"Bella! Please, talk to me..."

I clutched the phone to my ear as I heard his shuddering breath and closed my eyes. I remembered myself pleading like that, desperate, and a vision flashed my mind. I saw Edward looking over fresh dirt, a headstone—my grave.

Silent tears fell from my eyes. As I was putting down the phone from my ear, I heard him yell, "Damn it, Bella! Tell me what's going on!"

I was already breaking his heart. There was a piece of me that belonged to him, and I knew how much he cared about me. He loved me. But I was already too far gone.

I shot him down until I ended up turning my phone off. I knew then that it was a matter of time before he came pounding down my door. I couldn't decide if I really cared or not.

At some point, it started to rain. It was like a signal. _The curtain is falling close; your life is over_. For a moment, I wished that it would somehow speed up so that I could get it over with, and of course I didn't have the guts to do it myself. _Or did I? _I started to entertain the idea when common sense abandoned me. Charlie was too prudent to have heavy medication in the house, which would've been the easiest way. Cutting was off the list. But then again, maybe I would pass out right away.

"I swear to God, Bella! I'm on my way right now and you better be okay!" In the haze of such dark thoughts I hadn't even realized that I had picked up the phone once again. He sounded so distressed.

Edward was coming for me. The best thing that had ever happened to me. The love of my life. It wouldn't be long until I wouldn't see him again...

In a rage, I threw my phone against the wall and it shattered to pieces. My voice sounded hoarse when I screamed in fury. I screamed and screamed while throwing things around with renewed strength, even though I was mentally exhausted. There was something deep inside me wanting to get out, like a demon seeking revenge. I wanted revenge at life.

There was so much noise in the room that I didn't hear Edward's car park in front of the house. I also didn't hear him at the door or when he came up to my room and found me trashing it. I only knew he was there when his arms enveloped me from behind and tried to stop me from practically throwing a chair out of the window. Still screaming between sobs, I felt myself fall to the cold floor along with him.

I didn't even bother to respond to any of his repetitive questions.

_What happened? Why are you so upset? What can I do to make it right? _

The gentle strokes through my hair and little kisses to the top of my head didn't soothe me. I was in his arms, but I couldn't find the strength or focus to hug him back or speak to him. I felt closer to death than life. Dead without having died... yet.

I wanted to tell him, "Let me be... I don't deserve you." But I couldn't even say that.

· - ·

**Now, I've looked it up, and I actually have no idea what kind of nondisclosure agreement herbalists have, but humor me. I've studied ethics in psychology, that's what I know.**

**Tell me things! Do you think you'd freak out? Would you tell Edward or anyone else? Why? **

**See you next Friday (promise) x**


	15. Goodbye?

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Man, I found out about the Robsten drama right after the last update, since I had been away from the interwebs all week. SHOCKING!

Anyway, Wendy and Jen are the best thing my writing has ever met. And you guys are awesome, too.

-So it is 1.30am here-technically Friday-and since I was late last week and I couldn't wait to update, here's an early treat! Stay strong, people!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 14 – Goodbye?**

**Previously:**

_The gentle strokes through my hair and little kisses to the top of my head didn't soothe me. I was in his arms, but I couldn't find the strength or focus to hug him back or speak to him. I felt closer to death than life. Dead without having died... yet._

_I wanted to tell him, "Let me be... I don't deserve you." But I couldn't even say that._

* * *

**July 9th—Wednesday**

I felt very weak. I felt numb. At some point I came back to reality and found myself in my bed, lying on the covers, but with a light blanket over me. Edward entered the room carrying a bottle of water in one hand as he talked, holding his phone in the other. I closed my eyes.

"... don't know, Carlisle." He was half-whispering in an aggravated voice. "She wouldn't tell me! What should I do?"

He walked to set the bottle on my bedside table while he listened.

"She's been asleep for a while now... I'm fine, but I've been so scared."

I hated myself for having put him in this position. Carlisle couldn't really do anything—nor did I want him to. I was sure Carlisle was telling him as much. And Charlie would be home soon, if he wasn't here already. I was between a rock and a hard place. I didn't want Edward to be responsible for dealing with my father, too, but I didn't want to deal with Edward's questions, either. It was all too much to consider.

_Should I pretend to sleep until he leaves? Should I just brush him off?_ That would have been harsh; he was worried and had taken care of me.

I heard a car park in the driveway.

"I have to go; Charlie's here. I have no idea what—" Edward left the room.

I had seconds to decide. Charlie would come up eventually, but would he let Edward stay?

I opened my eyes and sat up. I gasped when I saw my room, tidy and seemingly untouched. Even though I didn't feel rested at all, I forced myself to rush down the stairs to the kitchen, where Edward and my father were having a heated conversation.

Charlie was facing the door, and he jumped in my direction the second he saw me.

"Bella! My God, Edward just about gave me a heart attack," he said, touching my shoulders gently. "Are you okay?"

Million dollar question. Was I? I knew the answer immediately: no.

"I am now," I responded calmly and looked at Edward. "Thank you."

I stayed silent as he looked at me with an apprehensive expression. What I meant was: thank you for cleaning up my mess, thank you for being worried for me, thank you for always taking care of me. Thank you for being so wonderful.

Edward took my hand.

"You should eat something and rest," Charlie said, not letting go of me. "Go up and I'll bring you soup..."

I didn't even bother telling him I wasn't hungry. I simply nodded and looked at Edward before lightly squeezing his hand. As I turned to leave I heard a low, "Bella..." and turned back around to see Edward's pained face.

"Take care," he said.

I went up to the bathroom and leaned against the door. I thought about what just happened. _Had it been a goodbye?_ In retrospect, it sure felt like it. I gasped, realizing I had probably pushed him away. Maybe he thought I was crazy. I looked at myself in the mirror under the yellow lights. I looked like a crazy woman, with dark circles under my puffy and sad eyes, tangled hair, and pale lips. I splashed my face with cold water.

_No, no, no..._ Had Edward given up on me for real?

I ran downstairs to the kitchen again, where Charlie was heating up some pre-made soup.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, almost frantically.

"Hey, calm down," my father said, making me sit in one of the chairs. "Soup's almost ready."

"Where is he? Did he leave?"

Charlie sighed, frustrated. "I told him to—"

"Why?"

"Listen!" It was the first time I'd heard him raise his tone. It seemed like his voice was strange even to himself. "You _need_ to calm down, Bella, okay?"

Charlie knelt in front of me and took my hands. This also was a foreign gesture between us.

"I don't know what happened in Phoenix that made you come here... I don't know what happened today or why you wouldn't take any of Edward's calls, but I am your father and I do know that something's wrong, and I want to help you," he said. "But right now, I need you to eat the soup and go to bed. Okay?"

I nodded, tears spilling down my cheeks. Charlie wrapped his arms around me and we hugged for a long time. I felt warm and comforted for the first time in hours.

"I told Edward to give you space," my father said lowly to my ear. "Tell me something kid: did this have anything to do with him at all?"

I shook my head. "It's me." Edward had been nothing but great.

"I figured," Charlie said, putting his hands on my cheeks and brushing away my tears. "Don't cry anymore. We'll make it right."

· - ·

**July 10th – Thursday**

Charlie let me have time to wallow. I still refused to talk about what had happened, and he even suggested I see "someone." At first I thought he meant a therapist until Reverend Stanley called the house one day. I felt like telling him to go to Hell, but that would've been extreme. I politely declined his invitation to attend the following Sunday's sermon and hung up. Over breakfast, Charlie told me he thought that maybe talking to a familiar but objective person would help. My mother used to make us go to church every now and then, and Reverend Stanley was also Jessica's father, so I knew him fairly well.

"Not gonna happen, Dad," I said. Charlie's expression turned so serious that it seemed like he aged before my eyes.

"Bella, you scared the shit out of Edward yesterday, and I'm worried. We all are..." he said gravely. "Please, if you won't talk to me, talk to somebody else."

I heard the pleading in his voice and saw it in his eyes.

"Please?"

Who could I talk to? I wasn't willing to pay a therapist. I'd die anyway; how was it going to help with anything? I looked up at my father again and decided to go along with it for his sake.

I nodded once. "Okay."

Instantly, I noticed his shoulders dropping from their tensed position. It really was very important to him that I tried to work on my problems. And I couldn't afford another crisis like the one I went through the day before. I still didn't think I could get any better mentally, but my physical symptoms would get worse in a small matter of time.

I went up to my room and gathered my dirty clothes to do some laundry. As I emptied the pockets of my jeans, a wrinkled card fell to the floor. It was the one Maggie had given me, with the acupuncturist's name, address, and contact number. I saved it in my wallet.

As I put the clothes in the washer, I thought of Edward. He hadn't visited or called me. How much space was he willing to give me? I missed him so much already. But if I were to talk to him, what would I say? I was terribly sorry. Just thinking about his pained expression the last time I'd seen him... He was better off without me. But I missed him.

I took a deep breath before I went to the kitchen to start lunch for me and Charlie. He had taken the day off, apparently because he still didn't trust me to be alone in the house.

· - ·

**July 11th – Friday**

Today was Seth's birthday. The day before, I had told my dad that I hadn't bought anything for him. We went out in the morning and bought him cool biker boots and an even cooler helmet—previously Sue-approved, of course.

Charlie told her about my breakdown. It was one of those couple-y things that normally annoyed me: to tell each other absolutely everything, even if it didn't concern the other person at all. But because it was Sue, I didn't mind that much. And only because we spent the previous night talking on the phone for an hour about recipes, plans for the birthday party, and gift ideas. Sue did most of the talking, anyway. She and Leah had funded part of Jacob's work on the motorbike for Seth—mainly because they couldn't afford buying him a car—and they also had bought him a digital camera.

So Charlie and I drove to La Push in my ancient truck. Edward was constantly in my mind. I was supposed to come with him so that he could meet my new family. Strangely enough, I realized I didn't know where I stood with him anymore. The main thing I couldn't stop thinking about was that he hadn't even tried to contact me.

The thing was, I almost called him earlier to re-invite him to the party. I wanted to see him, talk to him, but I also didn't want to impose myself on his life again when it had been me who had pushed him away. Maybe he was waiting for me to try and mend what I had done, to contact him on my terms... or perhaps he just thought it wasn't worth the hassle. Charlie told him to give me space, and that could have been his best chance to get away. I couldn't really blame him. I had been thinking all of this while looking at the phone in my hand, debating, until Charlie told me it was time to go.

I wasn't really looking forward to partying, but it would be nice to see Jacob, whom I always felt comfortable with, and even Seth, who oozed life, youth, and happiness.

We were greeted by Leah at the door.

"Mom, the Swans are here!" she shouted before turning to me. "How are you?"

"I'm... fine," I said warily.

Sue appeared at the kitchen door. "Charlie, Bella! C'mon, everybody's here now."

I said hello and hugged her before I followed Leah out to the back of the house, where I could hear music playing. I turned around just once to see Charlie and Sue all wrapped up in a tender embrace, softly talking to each others ears. A pang of jealousy, guilt, and also happiness hit me, and I took a couple of deep breaths. Just before she opened the back door, Leah noticed my distress and smiled a little at me.

"Relax," she said gently, "you're among friends here."

I tried to smile back or say something, but all I could do was nod.

"Bella! You're here!" As soon as the door opened, Seth was in front of me, his enthusiasm evident. I had to smile then.

"Hey, Seth. Happy Birthday!" I hugged him. "We brought you something."

"Oh!" Seth grinned. "Thanks! We'll be opening presents later. After the cake."

"Yeah, let's make him wait a little bit longer," a friendly voice said.

I turned to my right to see Jacob, dressed a little nicer than usual, smiling big and with his arms open, ready for a hug. I sure was getting a lot of those today.

As soon as I was wrapped in his arms, I felt a lot better. He was like a comfort blanket. I was a baby in need of human warmth. I loved Jacob; he had always been my best friend. I wanted to tell him, but that wasn't the right moment.

After I greeted the rest of party guests, including Billy and Seth's friends—to whom he was very proud to introduce me—I joined Leah and Jacob at a table. They seemed to be pleasant with each other. I couldn't remember ever seeing them interact like that before. I saw a connection, something particular between them that I suspected they weren't even aware of yet. Of course, I knew they'd had more than that before, but hearing it and being a witness of it were different things. I was happy for them.

When Sue announced she was going to take out the cake, Charlie opened a bottle of champagne and poured it in red plastic cups instead of glass flutes. I loved that the whole thing was so informal. I couldn't help but think about how different it would have been if the Cullens had thrown this birthday party. Esme wouldn't have allowed their expensive champagne in plastic cups, and Edward would have been in control of the music. Then I hated myself for thinking that way. I knew they weren't that kind of uptight rich people. Maybe I just needed an excuse to feel detached. Edward should've been with me.

Charlie handed me a cup with a look that said, "Be careful with that," as if I hadn't had a drop of alcohol before. The memory of driblets of champagne streaming down Edward's naked body assaulted me and I almost dropped my cup. I needed to stop thinking about him.

Sue came out with a beautiful and giant chocolate cake decorated with M&M's and topped with sixteen lit candles. We sang, and Seth blew the candles as he wished for something. Then he started opening presents. A new cell phone, a digital camera, books... and then a biker jacket, a helmet, biker boots, and all of that sort of things.

"What's all this for?" he asked, puzzled.

"Seth, would you come up front? My present's there," Jacob said.

You could see by Seth's surprised face and then his grin that he already suspected what it would be, but he still didn't believe it. He _had _to see it. So when Jacob opened the front door, Seth was the happiest kid in the world.

He yelled and ran to the shiny bike parked outside with a huge red ribbon at the front. "Oh, my God! Are you serious? This is for me?"

"It sure is," Jacob said.

We all gathered around. Seth admired his new motorbike as Jacob explained what he had done to it.

"Oh, man! Thank you so much!" Seth walked around the bike and hugged Jacob in gratitude. I smiled and looked next to me at Leah, who was very glad to see her brother so happy.

"Sorry, all of you, but Jake's the best," Seth joked. His friends joined him around the bike, and Jacob approached Leah and me.

"Jake, thanks for doing this," Leah said.

"It was my pleasure." Jacob stood between us and wrapped one arm around each of us. "I like making people happy."

I smiled, feeling content for the first time in days.

· - ·

When all the other guests left, Jacob, Charlie, and I stayed for dinner. It was the best part of that day: dinner with my family. At the back of my mind, there was only one thing missing.

Late that night, Charlie and I drove back home in the truck.

"Someone's there, on the porch," Charlie said in his cop voice, slowing down. I narrowed my eyes trying to see who it was until I noticed a familiar car parked at the other side of the street, several yards away.

When the person stood up as he saw the lights, Charlie let out an "Oh." He parked in the driveway, and we walked toward the front door.

"I'll let you two talk," Charlie said. "But don't be too late, okay?"

I nodded and he kissed the top of my head. When he closed the door, the dim porch lights turned on.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, almost whispering.

"A while," Edward said. His voice sounded scratchy.

I breathed deeply for a few seconds, looking at him. He looked so tired. His hair was crazier than usual and his clothes were slightly wrinkled. Fortunately, it wasn't too cold that night. He had probably been waiting hours for us to come back...

Tentatively, I sat down at the top of the stairs and he followed, sitting next to me, but not too close. Not as close as I would've liked.

"I knew today was Seth's birthday," he said, softly. "I guessed you'd be back eventually."

"Why didn't you call?"

"Bella, I don't know anymore if you're going to pick up at all or hang up on me without saying anything."

After the debacle, Charlie lent me one of his old cell phones he had around the house, but I still had the same number.

"I'm sorry," I said, sincerely. He didn't know how much.

"You scared me to death the other day." I closed my eyes at the mention of death.

I let out a shuddering breath. "I know."

"I'm sorry, too."

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't. "For what?"

"For being pushy. For some reason I feel responsible. Maybe if I had left you alone... you wouldn't have gone that far, or—"

"Stop," I cut him off, surprised. "You can't blame yourself for what I did, Edward."

"Well, I guess I'm just trying to come up with answers, Bella!" He raised his voice, which sounded deafening in my ears in the silence of the night. "I just don't get it. I thought everything was so perfect..."

"It was."

We stayed silent for a moment. He didn't know how to ask anymore, and I wasn't budging. I couldn't and I wouldn't. There was a part of me that wanted to tell him to just go, but the biggest part didn't want him to leave me again. I missed him, and I wanted him with me. But how could I have him back when all he wanted was a reason why he could trust me not to hurt him again?

"I'm so lost, Edward," I finally said. By this point, I was at the verge of tears. I hated crying. I didn't want to cry in front of Edward right now. I didn't want him to think I was going to lose it again.

He stared at me for a moment and I prepared myself for his reaction, holding my breath. He surprised me when he wrapped his arms around me. He hesitated at first, but when I circled my arms around his waist, he tightened his, bringing me closer. I closed my eyes and inhaled. The sense of comfort I felt was almost instant. It kind of shocked me when I recalled being in his arms in the middle of my breakdown and not being able to relax. It was such a contrast to what I felt now. He also seemed to feel better that I responded to his embrace.

"It's okay," he whispered, lightly kissing my forehead. "We're all lost at some point."

We stayed like that for a long time, and I savored the familiar scent, the little innocent kisses at the top of my head, his arms around me...

"I've missed you," he said, which was what was on the tip of my tongue the whole time. And of course I understood what he was saying, because even days before my breakdown, I hadn't been in the perfect state of mind.

"I've missed you, too... so much."

When I was starting to feel sleepy, he pulled back from me, his eyes ablaze with feeling.

"I want to be here for you, Bella, no matter what," he said. "Please, count on me."

I nodded instantly. I wanted him to be with me. "I will, I promise," I responded.

We moved forward instinctively and his lips touched mine lightly at first. Then I pushed it further as my senses picked up on the fact that Edward was kissing me, and it had been a long time. He responded kindly, cradling my face in his hands. It was sweet and filled with a lot of sentiment at the same time. In that moment, I tried to project in that kiss what I couldn't put into words, and it seemed like he was doing the same.

Right then, on the stairs of my front porch, it was the only place in the world I wanted to be, because I was with Edward, and we had reunited.

I knew I was still keeping from him my biggest secret, but he had accepted a little bit of truth. I was lost and didn't know what to do with my life, except wait. I just didn't want to lose him.

· - ·

**Some of you hate that she isn't telling anyone about her illness. Believe when I say that she hates it, too, but she feels like it is the right thing to do not to hurt people ahead of time and be able to enjoy a little bit of happiness for once. I love that you're so invested, both wanting to make Bella tell everyone and feeling concerned for her.**

**Hey, come say hi on twitter LovegoodBetty :) See ya next Friday x**


	16. Luckiest

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Dudes! Wendy and Jen are raaaad! Thanks everybody who is sticking with this story. I know it's not the prettiest and fluffiest, but it is very important to me, so... I appreciate your words, I hope you know that.

This is one of my favorites. Let me know what you think!

· - ·

**CHAPTER 15 – Luckiest**

**July 12th—Saturday**

That night I slept like a child. It was the most peaceful night's sleep I'd had in weeks, and I owed it to Edward. In the morning, he was the first thing I thought about. The way he said "Good night" last night, making it sound like a promise, made me wonder if he had superpowers, because it had worked.

As I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed the glow on my skin, the product of a very good night's sleep, I indulged myself in thinking that everything was going to be alright. I had Edward back; what else could I want?

Things started to look up for me that day, and when I went downstairs and saw Charlie and Edward sipping coffee, reading the paper, and having a normal conversation as if it happened every day, I couldn't feel happier.

"Morning!" I said, kissing the top of my father's head and Edward's cheek.

"Hey, sunshine," Charlie said. "Glad to see you back."

I grinned at him and Edward smiled.

"Well, I gotta get going," Charlie said, dragging his chair back noisily. "I have a double shift today, but I'll wake you up tomorrow, 'k?"

"For what? Tomorrow's Sunday," I said.

"We're going fishing..." my father responded "...the three of us."

"We are?"

They glanced each other and then at me. They were up to something.

"Uh, see you later, kids," Charlie said before looking at Edward. "Take care of my daughter."

I winced. I hated that "take care" expression.

"I will," Edward responded.

I poured myself some coffee in my favorite mug and sat down across from Edward at the table. He was pretending to read the paper. I knew he wasn't actually reading it because I stared at him for a moment and his eyes were focused in one spot, not moving over the print. He was so handsome. I smiled to myself, feeling the luckiest girl in town... on the planet.

"So," I started, "fishing, huh?"

"Yep," he responded, putting down the paper and taking a sip of his coffee.

"How did that happen?"

"He wanted to go fishing, but also spend more time with you. I wanted to be with you, too, so it just seemed convenient for us three to share an activity."

"Right..."

How could he make it sound so rational and like bullshit at the same time was beyond me, but it was okay. I wasn't going to argue.

"What do you want to do today?" Edward asked.

· - ·

We spent the day cleaning around the house. I told Edward he didn't have to help, but he insisted. After doing some laundry, I made a list of things we needed and he drove us to the grocery store.

"Remember the day we met?" he asked. I pushed the cart while he put the groceries in it.

"Of course," I responded. "You were kind of a jerk."

"I already told you why. I wanted to get your attention."

"Yeah, yeah... And you kept calling me Isabella."

"I like Isabella." Edward grinned at me.

I smiled back and kissed him quickly. "Don't ever call me that," I warned.

"Why..." he put his arm around my shoulders and whispered in my ear "...Isabella?"

I pulled back and punch him in the arm. "Stop it!"

"Ouch, woman," he said, rubbing his arm but failing to hide his smirk.

"I just don't like it..."

I stopped the cart and moved to get a box of cereal when Edward grabbed me by my waist and kissed me soundly. I had missed these happy, playful moments. Playful Edward was my second favorite—after Sexy Edward.

"Even when we're old and wrinkly, I'll still call you my Bella," he said against my lips.

And there went my happiness.

Edward noticed I stiffened at his words and pulled back to look me in the eye. For a second I thought he was reading me so well that he was about to call me out on my secret. He opened his mouth to speak, but didn't say anything. He just let me go and turned to push the cart down the aisle. I felt ice-cold but relieved at the same time. I hated myself for that, because he tried so hard not to look hurt. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and followed him.

We didn't talk much after that, so we got everything from the list, paid for our groceries, and went back to the car. I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't want to broach the subject, but felt necessary to mend the situation. While his actions were kind and thoughtful—helping me with the bags and putting things away in the cabinets—he still looked pensive and tense.

I told him to sit down while I made lunch and I served him one of my dad's beers. I stood behind him and put my hands on his shoulders, massaging. He let out a long breath and started relaxing underneath my fingers. I leaned down to kiss his neck and he moaned lowly.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked.

"I can't ever be mad at you, Bella."

I paused, confused for a moment. _What does that mean?_

"It's just that... you frustrate me a little sometimes," he explained. I knew what he meant then. Every time he got too close, I withdrew.

"I'm sorry," I whispered lamely against his skin before squeezing his shoulders.

Edward turned his head to the side and kissed my lips in the sweetest way. It was like he was trying to comfort me without even knowing the cause for my behavior. He put his hands over mine on his shoulders and brought them down to his chest. The ring from the oven brought us back to reality right when the kiss was turning heated.

During the rest of the day, conversation flowed more. I figured Edward felt better because I had brought up the subject first instead of pushing him away. Anyway, I was happy to cuddle together in front of the TV after dinner that night.

· - ·

**July 13th—Sunday **

I was woken up with kisses all over my face. I tried to turn around, because as much as I liked the kisses, I wanted to sleep more. But I couldn't escape Edward. He continued his assault until we both started cracking up. So cute.

When I opened my eyes, the room was still dark.

"Oh, no," I said, groaning. "Almost forgot..."

"C'mon, Sleeping Beauty," Edward said with a final kiss on my lips. He was already dressed for the day.

I raised my hands to run them in his crazy hair, but he grabbed the covers on my bed and pulled them back. I was suddenly cold.

"Your dad's downstairs making coffee," Edward said. "He's so excited that you're coming."

"I bet."

I got up and sat at the edge of the bed. I felt so, so tired. Even though we'd gone to bed early the previous night, we stayed up for a while making out. We didn't go too far because I was sleepy, and we had to get up _this_ early, but now I was feeling even more sleepy and exhausted.

"Want me to carry you to the shower?" Edward asked, smiling, before he grabbed my hands and pulled me up to stand in front of him.

"Yes," I responded. "You wash me, dress me, feed me caffeine, and carry me to the car, please."

He pecked me on my cheek and my lips. "So grumpy."

I let out a squeal when he scooped me up off my feet and actually carried me to the bathroom, where everything was ready. There were towels on the toilet lid and fresh clothes next to the sink.

"Hurry," Edward said, gently slapping my butt before getting out and closing the door.

I chuckled to myself, because that man was too good to be true. I could safely say that he literally kept me alive.

I took the little box of pills that I hid in my make-up bag. There were very few left. Before my breakdown, I had played with the idea of going without the pills, but I had to admit that they helped me a lot. I just maybe needed something more energy-boosting.

After getting ready and collecting the couple things I'd bring with me, I went downstairs, where it smelled delicious. I had taken a liking to coffee since I started working long hours in Phoenix. Now, if I didn't have it in the morning, I carried a headache throughout the rest of the day.

My dad and Edward were deep in conversation and didn't notice me enter the kitchen.

"Hey, guys," I said and went to get a mug.

"...I know, but still. They wouldn't have known what to do with him," Edward was saying.

"I'm not saying he'd have been the most needed player they could get, but he'd have been a nice addition, is all," Charlie argued.

I could only assume they were talking baseball, since the signing deadline for first-year players ended the previous Friday. Charlie's love for sports had rubbed off on me and I used to watch some games back in Phoenix just to feel closer to him.

They were so engrossed in their discussion that I just leaned back against the kitchen counter and sipped my coffee. I had a sense of déjà vu from the previous day, when I witnessed this exact same scene. They looked so comfortable, like it would be okay if this happened every day from then on.

Charlie didn't seem to mind that Edward had slept in my bed, like he hadn't minded it the first time I was out all night. I liked to think it was because he knew I was with Edward. He knew I was safe and that Edward would take care of me more than anybody else.

· - ·

From mid-April to September, it isn't the greatest time to go fishing. But in La Push, the saltwater offers fishing for tuna, salmon, and rockfish, and there isn't a big crowd in Charlie's favorite spot.

My dad talked us through the state regulations during the ride: limited number of every type of fish we could get and so on. Edward asked him about the biggest "trophies" he had fished during all his years of practice. This went on even after we arrived.

I didn't even attempt to grab a fishing pole. I had brought my digital camera to take pictures and also was on breakfast and lunch duty. That was enough for me. I took photos of the scenery, which was beautiful, and walked along the Quileute River while Edward and my father went into the water. I took a great shot of them together, concentrating in their task. They were my favorite people in the whole world.

The weather was perfect for this day. It was never too hot here in the Peninsula, but at this time of year it wasn't freezing either (most days), so as the hours went and the sun rose in the sky, it was nicer and nicer to be out in the wilderness.

Edward turned around every few minutes just to smile at me and turn back around. At one point, right before I called them for breakfast, Charlie caught a rockfish, and I went to help them get it in a large bucket we had brought on the truck.

After breakfast, I told them I wanted to get some pictures in the forest near the reservation. Edward wanted to refuse, but Charlie said it was okay. I had been here before and had played with Jacob around these grounds. It wasn't like I was going to get lost.

As I walked and snapped pictures of the trees and leaves, I heard voices. They didn't seem to be adult ones, so I got closer, trying not make too much noise.

"...think I saw the Chief fishing by the river, guys!" I heard not far away.

"Man, I could really get in trouble for this. He would tell my mom for sure." I recognized this voice. It was Seth.

_What are they doing?_

Crouching behind a group of bulky trees I saw three figures, and without a doubt, Seth Clearwater was one of them. I recognized one of the other two from the birthday party. They didn't notice me standing behind another tree.

"Just leave it," said the third kid I didn't know. "We'll come back and get it later."

"What if somebody sees it?"

"Nobody comes around here; just bury it."

I saw them shuffle with something. Seth dug a little hole in the ground with his hands and hid whatever they had in it before running back toward the reservation.

I stayed in place for a couple minutes before I was certain they wouldn't come back. I walked to the spot where they had hidden their treasure and dug it out. When I saw it, I couldn't believe it. It was a plastic baggie containing six joints.

I knew people their age were curious, but I couldn't be sure this was the first time they were planning to get high, so I decided to teach them a lesson. I took a little mini notebook and a pen from my bag and wrote "DITCH YOUR DEALER" before ripping it out and putting it inside the plastic bag. I was having fun at their expense, but at the same time it was valid to say that I was taking care of my almost-stepbrother.

A thought about cannabis prescription for cancer patients crossed my mind as I put the joints in my little medicine box and walked back to the river.

Right before I stepped out of the tree line near the shore, Edward caught up to me. I could see Charlie still in the water.

"What ar—"

Edward didn't let me finish. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back to where we couldn't be seen from my father's position. He pushed me gently against a tree and devoured my lips with his. He smelled of salty water and male. He was one of those guys who don't sweat a lot, but his scent intensified instead. I liked it. It made me respond to him with all I had. This was our first fierce kiss since we'd reunited. Of course, the timing was all wrong.

I pulled back for a second to breathe. "This is really, really exciting, but you know my dad's right there and probably knows what we're doing."

"I know, but I've missed you," Edward said, putting his hands on my cheeks and kissing me once again before continuing. "What have you been doing?"

"Just taking pictures," I responded, imagining my dad in an interrogation room showing me photos of the fingerprints in the joints I was carrying. "I'll show you later."

· - ·

This day marked one month since my diagnosis. Several hours later, I found myself in my backyard smoking pot. The very thought of what I was doing relaxed and excited me at the same time. I hadn't told Edward about it, and this was probably a dumb move, but I was just as curious as those reservation kids.

Charlie drove us to the rez after lunch. One thing led to another, and Sue invited us for dinner. She cooked the fish Edward and my dad caught.

It was nice having Edward with me. I could tell that he really enjoyed being included in this part of the family, and Seth fell in love with him almost instantly.

Then Charlie came into the kitchen while I was helping Sue clean up and they discussed their schedule for the following day. Seth had to go to school earlier than usual and because Sue didn't have a car, my dad had to come pick him up. When it got to the point of ridiculous excuses and time calculations, I knew this was staged.

"Dad, why don't you stay for the night?" I rolled my eyes at their performance while drying off a plate.

They went silent for a moment before Charlie kissed my cheek. "You sure you don't mind?"

"I'm sure," I responded, smiling. They were adorable, putting on a show for me.

So Charlie drove us home and then took his cruiser back to the reservation. Then Edward went upstairs to shower and I took out one of the joints. They were thin and short, so it didn't take me long to finish it.

Edward had just gotten out of the shower when I entered my bedroom. He was facing away from the door, but he was completely naked, looking through my dresser with his dirty underwear in one hand.

"Oh, hey," he said, turning his head around surprised, and put on his underwear quickly.

Feeling bold and very, very horny, I walked up to him. I wrapped my arms around to touch his abs from behind and ran my hands lower, but he stopped me.

"Whoa, okay... what—" he turned around, cupped my face and looked me in the eye. "You smell of weed, Bella. Have you smoked? Since when do you smoke?"

"First time was ten minutes ago," I said, checking him out. "You look yummy."

"Oh, man..."

I was suffocating all of a sudden. I started taking my clothes off and Edward tried to talk me out of it, but it showed that he was mildly interested in the course I was taking. When I stood in front of him in only my underwear, he stepped forward and put his hands on my hips.

"I don't want this to be a regular thing," he said. "This is not you."

"What, stripping?" I caressed his chest again, but he didn't stop me this time when I slid my hand inside his boxers. He exhaled heavily.

"Smoking," he responded while I stroked him.

"It makes me horny," I said, and he chuckled.

"Pretty sure that's me."

"No, the weed makes me horny. You make me wet."

"Jesus."

I stopped for a moment to take off my bra so that he could touch me. I wanted his hands on me. It was like my senses were heightened. We moved to the bed, where he laid and I straddled him after taking my panties and his boxers off. I couldn't put words into how much I wanted him in that moment. I felt an extraordinary connection. He could do crazy things to me with only touching my breasts, which he loved.

And he also loved me sucking him off from balls to tip. I felt him all along my tongue and lips when I went deeper and deeper, and he made the sexiest sounds. He wasn't obnoxiously loud like some guys, but I liked hearing him lose control. At the same time, I felt intoxicated by his scent and couldn't resist touching myself, seeking pleasure. But I wanted more.

"Can I turn around?" I asked, hoping he would understand without too many words.

"What? Oh! Oh, yes, yes, turn around."

With his erection still in my mouth, I positioned myself so that I was straddling his head. Because he was taller than me, it was kind of awkward at first for me, but then he grabbed my hips, started licking away, and I got lost in him.

Now the connection was complete. We didn't rush. We took our time devouring, probing, savoring and pleasuring one another. It was a catharsis of sensations for me.

But then I still wanted to feel him in a different way. I let go of him and turned back around, only to rub myself on him before I felt him fully inside me.

"Oh, shit," Edward said, grabbing my hips and guiding me when I stopped to breathe.

In my haze, I realized this was the first time we had gone bare. It felt amazing.

"I can't hold it, Bella, it's too much."

I panicked for a moment. Somewhere in my head I knew I had to do something about it, but it felt too good, and I wasn't quite there yet. Before I stressed myself out, I backed up and let his erection fall on his lower stomach. He finished in my mouth seconds later with a loud grunt.

"That was close," he said, sitting up and kissing me. "You didn't finish."

"Almost did." My lids were still heavy with desire.

He laid me down and touched me with reverence. I felt he knew my body like the palm of his hand. It wasn't long before I was writhing under his mouth, with his fingers playing me like a piano. I cried out his name in my climax, which felt stronger and longer than ever.

I definitely needed a shower after that. Edward joined me and washed my hair lovingly as I remembered that moment of panic over the smallest possibility of getting pregnant. My doctor said it was almost impossible that that could happen, but there had been documented cases of women getting pregnant during treatment.

Back in bed, Edward and I cuddled together, but I couldn't sleep. He sensed that.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he murmured, sounding slightly worried.

"I just..." I didn't even know where to begin.

"Is it about what happened, or better, what almost happened earlier?" he questioned.

What was I going to say? I can't afford to get pregnant, physically and emotionally? That was true, but he would ask to know more. And didn't he care that we hadn't talked about it before? It was our thing to just reach for a condom without discussion every time we had sex.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wasn't even thinking—"

I looked up at him in the darkness. My eyes had gotten used to it and I could make out his face. He had his eyes closed.

"I'm clean," I said quietly.

"I'm not even worried about that," he said. "You were in control. I trust you."

"Really? Don't you care that I could get pregnant?"

He opened his eyes and stayed silent for a moment. "Honestly, I don't see how that would be a terrible idea."

"What?" I was baffled.

He sat up with me in his arms and then turned on the lamp on his side. He looked back at me, and the expression on my face made him worry.

"Again, what?" I repeated.

"Can I be completely honest?" he started. "I'd lie if I told you I haven't entertained the idea of having a future with you, and yes, it includes a house, kids, maybe a dog, the whole package."

I searched his serious eyes, looking for something that meant he wasn't telling the truth. Something that made me realize this was a sick joke. But I didn't find it. He was being sincere.

"Wow." This was real. Edward wanted a life with me, except I couldn't have it. I couldn't give it to him. And I wanted it just as much.

"Bella," he said, turning my face to look at him. The tears were threatening to come out. "Are you planning to leave any time soon?"

My eyes widened. He couldn't know!

"What?" I asked cautiously.

"It's just that every single time I try to discuss a future with you, you blow me off completely," he explained. "It happened on the Fourth, then the other day and right now! You come here, apparently out of the blue, you don't get nor try to get a new job... Please tell me, were you planning to leave Forks without me?"

Now seeing his anguished expression made the tears go down my face. I launched on him and hugged him tightly.

"Silly, silly man," I said against his neck. "How could I ever go anywhere without you?"

"Bella." He choked. "I know—You said you're lost, but I can help you."

"You are," I whispered. "You're helping me."

He pulled back from our embrace and looked into my eyes. I felt bare under his intense gaze.

"I love you, Bella," he said, and my heart started pounding. Was I imagining it? Was I dreaming? Did he really say that? "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. It's been such a short time, but the classic signs are all there: the fluttery stomach, racing heart... everything. It's been the easiest, most simple thing. I've fallen in love with you."

I let out a sobbing chuckle. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world, to feel truly loved. And I kissed him with all my heart and for so long that we fell asleep with our lips touching each other's. But I still couldn't say it back.

· - ·

**Kill me now.**

**Okay, one more thing. I said on twitter that because this chapter was longer, I'd be able to send two different teasers to The Fictionators blog and Twific Central, but they didn't published it at TC, for some reason, so if there was somebody interested, they didn't get it. I'm sorry? Don't know what happened. So, I'm going to submit a teaser for Chapter 16 there for next Monday in The Fictionators blog. Whoever reviews this chapter before that one is published will get a different one in a PM response, so there you go. Thanks!**


	17. Love

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Jen and Wendy are wonderful. This wouldn't be the same without them.

I might reach 200 reviews with this chapter! Thank you all so much for reading and commenting-and worrying mostly about Edward's heart. I'm virtually hugging you.

· - ·

**CHAPTER 16 – Love**

**July 22nd—Tuesday**

It had been a week since Edward officially declared his love for me. I still hadn't said it back explicitly; it was hard for me. But I had been trying to return the sentiment in other ways, and I figured he already knew how I felt without me expressing it vocally. He was happier than he'd ever been, making up for my lack of verbal commitment by saying "I love you" twice every time, making my heart skip a beat. He took me by surprise several times when he said it at very random moments, which I loved, because it was thrilling.

Something I couldn't quite explain to Edward was the fact that saying "I love you" felt final with him. I said it to Charlie every day—and I sure as hell didn't do it in front of Edward—but I thought that once I said it to Edward it would be a free pass to do the rest of things he wanted to become real in our relationship. It probably wasn't very rational, but I felt like we were rushing into something that would never happen and that if I said to him "I love you" today, he was going to propose the next day and I would have to say "no."

And Edward was with me constantly, like we were glued to the hip. Charlie didn't seem to mind; he even spent some nights at Sue's when Edward was at our house. And I also went to the Cullens' a couple of times and had dinner with Carlisle and Esme. I was amazed at how quickly they had accepted me into the family.

Today we were running late. I took a two-hour nap after lunch because I was so tired, and then Edward decided to wake me up in the most awesome way—with his head between my legs. We took our intense love fest to the bedroom, then the shower, and when we started taking a real shower and getting ready, we'd have had to be on our way already. Anyway, Edward called his parents and jokingly blamed me for taking such a long nap. By the time we got to the Cullens', I was suddenly mortified to know that everybody was there.

Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie had decided to take a week off and surprise us. Of course, they were all aware of why we were late. My red cheeks and Edward's grinning face might have had something to do with that.

"Bella!" Alice hugged me tight. "Wow, have you lost weight? You look... great!"

I had lost weight, and I had noticed that in myself, too. My appetite had been cut short by my headaches and exhaustion. It wasn't extreme, though; I had just lost a couple of pounds. I wasn't too worried, because I knew Edward liked me anyway. I corrected myself in my head: he _loved_ me.

· - ·

"So we have an announcement to make," Emmett said right after Esme brought the dessert. "Before the mags catch you by surprise."

We all looked at him expectantly. He grabbed Rosalie's hand and kissed it. They smiled at each other and I could see the love for each other in their eyes. When she put their entwined hands on her belly, we knew before they said anything. Alice and Esme gasped, and Emmett took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant," Rosalie said.

"Oh, honey," Esme whispered.

We all stood up and hugged the couple, congratulating them. They weren't even married, but that didn't seem to bother the family. I couldn't stop looking at Rosalie in awe. She was a gorgeous woman, but somehow she had a glow to her that made her even more beautiful now. Emmett looked so proud and happy.

We sat back down to eat the apple pie Esme had baked while Emmett and Rosalie went on about the pregnancy and how they had been keeping it a secret until she passed the first trimester last week. They looked so in love that it almost hurt listening to them. They were planning to get married sometime the next month or after the baby was born, because Rosalie didn't want to look "like an elephant" on her wedding day. Alice nearly had an aneurism when she heard that.

"Next month?" she squeaked. "I won't have enough time to plan it!"

"Don't worry, Alice," Edward said. "I'm sure you'll have some help."

I looked at him for the first time since the couple broke the news. He was smiling and seemed very happy for them, but I wondered if he wished it was us in their position. From our conversation last week, I was almost sure of it. When he turned to look at me, I saw the longing in his eyes and had to look away.

After Esme and Carlisle went to bed, Emmett assaulted the liquor cabinet and poured us some drinks. We settled by the indoor pool and the guys took a midnight swim in their underwear. Us girls watched them and talked. Well, I didn't talk that much and what I could mostly hear of Rosalie's and Alice's conversation was "pregnancy," "nursery," "due date," "wedding"... I didn't want to pay attention. I wished they would change the subject, but they didn't. I understood they were excited, of course, because they were going to experience all of that, especially Rosalie, and Alice would also one day. But I didn't want to get too invested in those future projects knowing I wouldn't be present to most of them, if any.

I might have come across as insensitive or disinterested—which I was—but the alcohol helped me to focus my attention in my gorgeous boyfriend's almost-naked body. They were racing each other in pairs and different swimming styles, like in a championship. When it was Emmett and Jasper's turn, Edward toweled himself off, grabbed his drink and walked to our seats before sitting down on my lounge chair with his back to me. My hands were drawn to his slightly muscular shoulders.

"I've never had so much fun with these two," he said, turning his head back to look at me. "Are _you_ having fun?"

He knew me so well already. I smiled and kneaded his shoulders, and I noticed him relaxing.

"I'm having fun watching you," I said. "You swim like a pro."

He looked over where his sister and sister-in-law were in deep conversation a couple of seats over.

"I'm happy for them," I said. "I just... it's new for me."

It was the truth. I had never been a part of someone's pregnancy or wedding.

Edward turned around to face me and took my hands. "I love you," he said quietly.

I disengaged one of my hands to run it through the wet hair at the nape of his neck before we kissed. It was one of those reassuring kisses, the ones that feel like "I'm so glad you're here."

"Get a room!" We heard Emmett's loud voice.

"Actually, that's what we're going to do," Edward said. He grabbed my hand and his clothes and led us out the door. "Goodnight, everybody."

"Goodnight to you, too!" Emmett exclaimed back. I giggled.

We were feeling tipsy and lazy when we got to Edward's bedroom. He flopped down on the bed, and I scolded him a little, because he was on my side of the bed and he still had his wet underwear on. My anger didn't last long when he simply said "Okay" and took his underwear off, but remained lying on the bed. I smirked.

"Fine, I'll stay in the other side." I did as I said after stripping down to my panties and putting one of his t-shirts on. I pretended I was ignoring his naked body beside me and turned off the lights from the switch near the bed. I settled down on my side under the light covers, facing away from him and waited.

"What? No."

I felt him move until he was flush against my back. His hand went inside my t-shirt and landed on one of my breasts.

"So comfy," he murmured to my hair.

I was aroused, and I could feel he was, too. I decided to do something about it in the morning, because my eyes started to close from exhaustion.

"Love you," I heard him whisper. Once again, I didn't respond.

· - ·

**July 23****rd****—Wednesday**

I woke up to an empty bed unfortunately. I got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen, where I could hear voices.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Alice greeted me with a smile.

She and Esme were sitting at the table, and Rosalie was by the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water.

"Good morning," I said, sitting down across from Esme.

"Morning? More like good afternoon... almost," Rosalie said, laughing a little.

"What the—" I looked at the clock right over the threshold and she was right. It was past eleven. "Why did you let me sleep for so long?"

"Edward ordered not to disturb you," Alice informed. "He said you were pretty tired yesterday."

"You know, I've been feeling a lot more tired lately, too," Rosalie said feigning nonchalance.

"Is there something you'd like to tell us, honey?" Esme asked with a weird expression on her face, like she couldn't decide whether to be worried or delighted.

Then it dawned on me what they were asking. "I'm not pregnant," I affirmed.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked, covering my hand on the table with hers. "Because we wouldn't judge you or Edward if you were."

I frowned. _Who said anything about judging?_

"What she means is that yes, it's been a short time since you got together," Esme started, "but you seem so good for each other... it only feels right."

"I'm not pregnant," I repeated. I was starting to panic. Had they noticed anything else they shouldn't? I mean, they were women like me. And too observant for their own good. What else did they think they know based on my behavior?

"Bella," Rosalie said before taking the seat next to mine, "have you taken any tests? How do you know for sure?"

I leaned back on my chair. I knew I wasn't pregnant, although I couldn't tell them. "I just know," I said simply.

Then they started asking more and more questions, like "Do you feel your breasts tender? Swollen?" or "Do you have nausea? Morning sickness?" and I just had it.

"I. Am. Not. Pregnant!" I shouted.

The three of them went silent and I had to take deep breaths so as not to pass out. I buried my face in my hands, trying to calm down. It was ridiculous how riled up I had gotten over the situation, but I was feeling more sensitive these days, and all the wedding and baby talk was starting to annoy me.

"Bella?" Esme asked tentatively. "We're sorry."

I raised my head and looked at her. She looked sincere.

"I know—I need to get some air," I said before standing up. "Excuse me."

I walked out of the kitchen just to run into someone's chest right outside the door.

"Wow! Easy there," I heard Emmett say as he grabbed my arms gently. "Everything okay?"

Angry tears sprung to my eyes. Everything _wasn't_ okay. I needed Edward.

"Where's Edward?" I asked meekly.

"He's... upstairs, I think."

I ran up the stairs and called for Edward a couple of times. I looked in his room, but he wasn't there. Finally, I got to the end of the hallway, to Carlisle's office. There they were: Carlisle and Edward playing chess.

"Hey, you're up," Edward said, smiling, until he registered my expression. "What happened?"

When I didn't respond, he excused himself and stood up. He walked up to me and took my hand before he led me to his bedroom. We sat on the bed side by side and Edward hugged me and kissed my forehead as I cried silently.

I managed to calm down after a moment and saw that I'd stained his shirt. I gasped and disengaged myself from his arms.

"I'm sorry," I said. My voice sounded husky.

"It's okay, Bella," Edward responded before lifting my head to look at me in the eyes. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"

I had to remind myself that we trusted each other, but I couldn't tell him the real reason why I was so upset.

"They were asking me if I'm pregnant," I said. That was the truth.

"Oh, Bella." He hugged me again, and I welcomed it. "Was it the girls? I'm sure they weren't subtle about it."

I shook my head in response. Maybe I didn't need to tell him anything else; maybe after the conversation we had about our future, he understood that was a vulnerable spot for me.

"You know they're really excited about Rose," he started, "and I told them about you being tired... I asked them—"

"You've talked about me with them?"

I pulled back, irrationally upset that he had discussed my health with his family. I knew I was being paranoid, but in my condition, that was the most private thing I had. I couldn't be brave and protect him from suffering if he discovered the truth. Again, I pondered whether it was really worth it to keep it a secret when we were already fighting and struggling over it.

"I haven't—well, yes. I mean, it's not entirely normal that you're so tired, is it?"

He looked so young and kind of scared. I really couldn't blame him. I mean, if I wasn't pregnant (and he knew that), what could it be?

It would have been so easy to just say it and get on with it. In that moment, as I looked into his eyes, it was at the tip of my tongue to tell him everything. But a knock on the door interrupted us, I broke eye contact, and common sense returned to me. I had repeated it to myself over and over, and this time I would really trust my first instinct and not say anything.

Carlisle appeared from behind the door. "Sorry to interrupt. Edward, you have a call in my office. It's important."

I could still feel Edward's gaze on me, searching for eyes. After a short moment, he sighed and with a final squeeze of my shoulders, he stood up to leave.

"I'll be back in a moment, okay?"

I nodded absently.

As the door closed I made my resolve. The fact that Edward and his family had finally picked up on some of my symptoms bugged me very much, and I decided to contact someone who could probably help me. I grabbed my cell phone and made an appointment to go to the acupuncturist on Friday. It felt like that was my final option.

· - ·

I decided to take a shower to clear my head and relax a bit. I let the water run for a little while as I undressed. I avoided looking at my reflection in the big mirror over the bathroom sink.

The only separation between the rest of the bathroom and the built-in shower was a tiled wall with an opening at one side. The floor inside the shower space was slightly crooked so that the water would run down the drain at the farthest corner.

The hot water felt great on my skin. I washed my hair slowly, massaging my scalp and humming whatever song was in my mind. As I toweled myself off, there was a tap on the door and it opened.

"It's me," I heard Edward say. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," I responded, wrapping the towel around myself.

He entered the bathroom and took in the sight in front of him. I felt myself blush. He always did things to me, no matter what.

"Esme said I should give you space, but I needed to know if you're okay," he said quietly before clearing his throat.

I moved forward and took his hand in mine, smiling a little. "I'm fine."

"I mean, really Bella," he said, seriously. "Are you okay?"

I sighed. "Really," I lied, nodding.

He pulled my hand and I stepped even closer so that he could kiss me. He was very tender at first, caressing my lips with his. Then I moaned, because he always felt too good to be true, and the kiss turned heated. By that point, I was needy for him. For his affection and his body. I wanted it all for as long as I could have it.

Then he pulled back and put his forehead against mine. He kept his eyes closed and I admired his red swollen lips as he talked.

"This might be bad timing, but I have to go to New York for the weekend," he said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I got a call for a meeting," he explained. "It's pretty important. I can't not go."

"Okay," I said. I didn't want him to go, but I understood he needed to.

"I'd really like you to go with me, but I just know it's going to be mostly about meetings with producers, other executives and people from the label..." He sighed. "Jasper's coming, too."

"It's fine, Edward," I said as I cupped his handsome face in my hands. "I'll be fine."

He nodded, almost as if he was trying to convince himself. I kissed him again, and then I kissed his cheeks and his jaw line.

"You're the best thing that's happened to me," I whispered into his ear and kissed his earlobe. "I'm... crazy for you."

I noticed the shudder that ran through him as I said those words. They had another meaning to them and I knew he knew. He had to know how I felt about him.

He wrapped his arms around me and untucked the towel from itself at my side; it fell at our feet. As his hands rested flat on my back, I looked up into his eyes so that I could make him understand what was in my head. I felt his hands roam free down my back and he pushed me closer still until we were flush together.

"My family went to town," he said in a husky voice.

I smiled. "How convenient."

Edward chuckled and picked me up before sitting me next to the sink. He didn't go directly for the prize, which I was hoping he would because I needed him to. No, he stroked every inch of my skin and then proceeded to kiss it. He paid special attention to each of my breasts before moving downward. When he _finally _went for it, I jumped. It felt so amazing that I almost couldn't handle it. Needless to say, it wasn't long before I climaxed on his tongue alone.

He looked so sexy when he took off his clothes. I couldn't resist touching myself, still feeling oversensitive from my orgasm. He responded by biting his lower lip and reaching out to touch me, too. He stroked himself afterward with that same hand and moaned loudly. He was so hard I figured it had to hurt.

He also made a point by bending down to grab a condom from the wallet in his jeans and I smiled shyly, but thankful for his consideration.

It was a good thing I had already come once, because he took his time, stroking and teasing me and himself before entering me. I couldn't believe we were doing it there, but at the same time I didn't care. I wrapped my hands and legs around him as tight and as close as I could, still giving him room to move. He started going slow with long but hard thrusts, and as our climax started to build more and more, he pounded into me without abandon. I watched his muscles flex back and forth and little droplets of sweat drip down his neck and forehead. At one point, I braced myself in his hair and pulled gently. He seemed to enjoy that. No words were needed as he thrusted, only grunts and moans.

When he was close, he reached down and stroked me as he moved faster. I moaned his name as I came and he followed seconds later.

We stayed connected for a moment, just feeling each other's heartbeats and pants in each other's ears. I grabbed one of his hands and put it over the left side of my chest.

"Do you feel?" I asked Edward as he looked at our hands on me. "It beats for you."

As his eyes and smile widened, I knew he understood.

· - ·

**Hope you enjoyed this one. Thanks for reading, guys. See you next Friday! x**


	18. Cancer

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

Jen is always fantastic in encouraging me to follow with my plans for this story. She believes in me, that's all I need. Wendy is one of the best beta's I've worked with :)

Ladies, get those tissues out! Ready?

· - ·

**CHAPTER 17 – Cancer**

**July 25th—Friday**

I was ready to face the needles. I laid down on the massage table after having been practically interrogated by Elizabeth Biers, the acupuncturist Maggie recommended. She was a specialist in palliative techniques for cancer patients. In my case, she said I was special, because most people came to her seeking alleviation of chemotherapy and/or surgery symptoms. Very few people asked her to cure their cancers, but apparently there were people who still believed it could happen. I felt stupid when she said that because I had actually considered it as a possibility at first. But even fewer people went to ease their cancer symptoms when they couldn't get any treatment or were in the final stages of the illness. So yes, she had a lot of questions.

I opened myself to her. I knew it wouldn't do any harm to be as honest as possible with the one person who could make the end of my life a lot easier. I told her everything from my mom's death to my illness and even my relationship with Edward. She was understanding of my reasons for keeping my condition a secret and was very encouraging. I appreciated that.

So I found myself more relaxed than when I had come, thanks to my talk with Elizabeth. When she came in the door, she smiled at me and proceeded with the treatment.

She explained the steps as she moved around the table. First, she sterilized the zones where she was going to insert the tiny needles. She said they were 20 times thinner than the regular injection needles, and they came smoothly to a point instead of a sharp edge. She worked primarily on my stomach, then my hands, toes and forehead, which she said would relieve some stress for me. In less than thirty minutes later, she extracted the needles from all points, and I was done. It didn't hurt. I only felt a little numbing and some tingly sensations here and there, but I didn't notice much else.

After my session, walking down the street to my car, I realized I didn't feel any different, physically. I was convinced the acupuncture hadn't made a big impact on me, but the conversation with Elizabeth Biers had. Mentally, I felt much lighter than before and not at all panicked that I was running out of time.

· - ·

Edward was leaving that night for New York. I didn't understand the fact that he had meetings over the weekend—didn't these people have the weekends off?—but I tried to make the best of those last hours, and he loved every minute. I lost count on how many hugs I gave him randomly. And I was especially cuddly after lunch, when we settled in my bed, just listening to music and reading. He read to me out loud for an hour and I just watched his face. I laughed at his funny voices and smiled at the tender parts of the story.

Then we kissed for so long that he almost missed his flight, and I would've liked that. But he made it just in time to check in his luggage. He was bringing a bigger suitcase than necessary for a weekend trip because he would be bringing back a few things from his apartment.

The night before, he'd "informed me" that he would start looking for a new place in town soon, or maybe in Port Angeles,. He wouldn't sell the apartment in New York just yet, but he wanted to stay close to Esme and Carlisle—and to me. That unsettled me a little bit, but since his plans were still premature, I offered him my support.

When I said goodbye to him at the airport, I really felt like I was racing time.

"Hurry back," I whispered in his ear. I knew those words had more meaning for me than for him, but he squeezed me back and nodded against my shoulder.

He kissed me one last time before pulling back. "I love you," he said, and turned around to hand his ticket to the hostess.

· - ·

**July 27th—Sunday **

"What do you mean you have to reschedule?" I asked into the receiver.

"Bella, it's only a couple more days," Edward insisted. "I miss you, too, but I'll be back before you know it."

"Is everything okay?" Esme asked behind me.

I was in the Cullens' kitchen. Esme and I had planned to cook a special dinner tonight for when Edward's homecoming from New York, but he was calling to let us know he wasn't going to make it.

"Esme's worried, too, you know," I said.

I heard Edward sigh in my ear and I could almost feel his breath. I longed for him. I wanted him back.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's just... it isn't going the way we were expecting, that's all..."

"With the label?" I asked. "What happened?"

"Some legal stuff... it's complicated," he said gravely. "It'll be okay, but we have to figure some things out with the lawyers, so I have to stay."

"Okay..."

"I love you. I'll see you soon."

I almost returned the sentiment then, feeling lonely as I was, but I couldn't say that for the first time over the phone. He hung up after I said goodbye.

I sat down across from Esme and sighed just as Carlisle entered the kitchen.

"He's not coming back today," I announced. "He needs to take care of things for a couple more days... He doesn't know how long, exactly."

"Oh, honey, don't worry," Esme said, patting my hand. "He'll be fine."

"I know he will," I said, nodding. "But I miss him."

"And surely he misses you, too," Carlisle said with a smile.

I smiled back just out of politeness, but his comment annoyed me. Could they really sympathize with my situation? I didn't think so.

"We could do dinner, anyway," Esme said. "And lunch tomorrow, if you want to stay. It'll be just us, because Carlisle has work."

"Tomorrow?" I asked. "I thought it was your day off."

He really had to be dedicated to his job at the hospital.

"I'm going to do rounds with a few interns and volunteers, just from ten a.m. to two p.m., because we're short on staff."

An idea occurred to me. I needed a distraction. I had spent several hours in the local library for the past two days, but it was getting boring.

"What do volunteers do?"

"Um, well, just keep some patients company, assist the nurses in serving out the meals..."

"Can I come with you?"

· - ·

**July 28th—Monday **

As soon as we were in the car—just me and Carlisle—I regretted my decision. I was about to say "fuck it" and go back to keep Esme company when Carlisle said, "You're going to love it," with a smile so big his pearly white teeth almost blinded me. I thought this day couldn't have turned out to be worse, but then again it could have, so I might as well do something good with my time.

We got to the hospital in no time. One thing Edward and Carlisle had in common was that they drove fast but carefully, as if they had mastered the skill unconsciously. I felt safe in the car with both of them because they were such good drivers.

As we walked in to the main entrance, I remembered Edward telling me about his parents; how they'd died in a car accident, his face in tears as he expressed how thankful he felt for having Esme and Carlisle... and me.

My throat tightened up as we stood in the elevator. Carlisle had been speaking for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. He looked at me when the doors opened, as if expecting for me to say something back, but I stayed silent.

It seemed Carlisle knew everybody there, and of course, everybody knew him. I was fascinated by the way he carried himself with the nurses. I always thought doctors were dismissive of them because... well, they're doctors. But he wasn't like that, and every single one of the nurses, young or older, fawned over him. In a way, I got it. He was gorgeous. But he was also married, and I also knew Esme. She was a lovely woman. She must be aware of the way women adored her husband. For some reason, it made me think of Edward and how dashing he probably looked suited up in those meetings. Were there women around him? Most definitely. It's not like I was a jealous person, but thinking about him with other women made my guts churn.

_Well, he will have to move on eventually_, I thought.

"Heidi, this is Bella, my son's girlfriend," Carlisle introduced me to a pretty blond woman and turned to me. "Heidi is head of the volunteer group here. She'll guide you on what to do."

I nodded at him and said hello to Heidi. She led me to a tiny room with a few lockers where I could store my purse and told me to put on a pink short-sleeved shirt over my white tank top. Then she handed me a name tag and a marker.

"Write your name here and stick it to the shirt where it's visible," Heidi told me.

I did as she said and then walked with her down a hallway while she explained what I would do. There were only three other volunteers in that day, but they were scheduled to arrive in the afternoon.

"Forks has a pretty scarce population, but we have a Sleep Disorder Center and a Cancer Support Group, because, well... who doesn't suffer from that nowadays?" she said.

_Yes, indeed. _

"That's where we help out the most."

Of course, it wouldn't be my luck that I'd be put to work in the trauma ward. We went up one floor and walked into the Cancer inpatients floor.

"Believe it or not, the majority of these people are the strongest and most willing to fight against the disease in this hospital," Heidi commented in a low voice.

The first person that walked by us was a woman with a colorful turban on her head. Unconsciously, I touched the ends of my long brown hair as she passed by, smiling at us and waving briefly.

"Hey, Kate," Heidi greeted gently before turning around after Kate walked past and saying to me, "Isn't she gorgeous?"

She winked at me, and I smiled a little, nodding. Kate was very pretty; even the turban suited her.

"Kate has breast cancer," Heidi said. "She has been coming for her chemo and psychological therapy every week. She's very private, but very nice."

It seemed to me like Heidi had a crush by the way she talked about the woman.

"You should ask her out," I said. I hadn't spoken much until then and my suggestion took Heidi by surprise. She blushed and giggled. "I'm serious."

"I don't think—"

"Don't think," I said. "Just go for it. What do you have to lose?"

She looked at me for a moment then smiled. "I like you, girl," she said, chuckling. "Are you free tomorrow?"

I laughed. "I'm spoken for, sorry. But, see? You did it. We only live once, so why deprive yourself of something that could be good for both of you?"

"You're so right," Heidi said, nodding.

I followed her into a wide room where a few people had gathered. Some of them had IV lines attached to their arms. In the room, there were some big chairs and a large couch, as well as two little tables and another bigger one with water, soda, plastic cups and a couple of plastic plates with cookies and snacks in them. Heidi explained that this was the mingling area, where the inpatients hung out with each other and with the relatives who visited almost every day. She said that they used this room mainly when it wasn't warm enough outside. I looked out the windows and noticed the clouds in the sky and the wind that was blowing the tree's branches.

"You know, Esme Cullen has contributed a lot to the hospital, especially to the cancer unit, so we're able to take care of these people."

I hadn't known that, but it didn't surprise me.

"Dr. Cullen said you're dating his son?"

"Yes. Edward," I answered, nodding proudly.

"Ah, the infamous Edward." Heidi laughed at my furrowed brows. "Just saying... he has lunch with his father here sometimes, and needless to say, he has charmed all the ladies. Unknowingly, of course."

"Like father, like son." We chuckled.

· - ·

There were some patients who didn't have a lot of family, or they lived too far away and only came to Forks to see them once a week or even just twice a month. Heidi told me that volunteers kept them entertained, especially those who didn't socialize as much with the others.

She introduced me to the oldest patient in the cancer ward, Marcus. He didn't have any family left and didn't have enough money to stay at a private residence. Forks Hospital was the best place he could afford to be in. He had a social-phobic personality, so he kept mostly to himself. Marcus had prostate cancer, and unlike most of the other patients, he wouldn't live much longer.

The others were people ranging in age from 28 to 50, and they had at least more than seventy percent chances of surviving, having overcome surgery or finishing chemo. Marcus, at 72, was at the final stages of his life, living alone in a hospital.

I couldn't describe the emotion that overcame me when Heidi told me about him. It was incredible how much I could relate to this man who was almost three times older than me, and at the same time his situation was so different from mine.

We didn't talk much. He was happy just sitting there, watching the rain start to fall outside.

"How is it for you being here?" I asked.

"I feel safe here," he said, barely in a whisper. "I know it doesn't get better than this for me. But I'm safe. I don't need much else."

I wondered if he was convinced of the things he was saying, but I understood why he felt the need to reassure himself of the idea that he was okay—of the fact that the life he had now was enough to be okay.

"Of course, sometimes I look at these people," he started saying, very weakly, gesturing behind us to the other inpatients, "and wonder what it would be like to have someone supporting you. But I've been alone my whole life, you know? This is nothing new."

As I looked into his sad eyes, I felt sincere sympathy toward him, and I also felt like I was the luckiest person in that room... for so many reasons.

I was certain of what I was going to die from, whereas some of those people would survive the cancer, but would die of anything else unexpected, maybe. I would have had the chance to do all the things I had written in my bucket list, and I would die happy and satisfied for the people I had around me. People I loved and who loved me back.

As always, Edward was the last person in my mind when I went to bed that night.

· - ·

**July 29th—Tuesday **

I went back to see Marcus today. It had stopped raining, so we went for a walk outside. He told me about his life, how he grew up in Italy and came to the States with his family when he was a teenager. His mother and little sister got ill almost at the same time and died.

"I've lived enough to know death. I'm not afraid of that," he told me. "But I don't want to go in pain."

I didn't feel like telling him about my disease. I liked listening to him better, and it seemed almost incredible that someone who was so reserved would talk to me so much.

"Marcus, you're a great man," I said.

I saw him smile at me for the first time, and I also saw the handsome man he must have been years and years ago.

"Thank you, Bella."

· - ·

**July 30th—Wednesday**

Edward still wasn't back from New York, so I busied myself doing chores around the house—cooking and baking for Charlie and recording my goodbye messages.

_Click._

"Hey, Charlie..."

_Click._

· - ·

_Click._

"Dad..."

_Click._

I sighed. It was too hard. I had to choke back my tears and press "record" again.

"Sue... What can I say to you?

"You're a wonderful woman and mother. You know what it's like to lose someone dear to your heart. I'm sorry for that, too. I never got a chance to tell you. I trust you'll take care of my dad. He'll need all your support now.

"I know my father is happy with you, so I'm happy for both of you. Thank you for all you've done."

_Click._

· - ·

_Click._

"Dear Esme and Carlisle. Thank you for accepting me into your lovely family. You're both great people, so sweet and caring. I admire you for so many reasons...

"You raised three beautiful children who are some of the most wonderful people I've ever met. I'm sure you're proud of them, and you should be, because you're great parents. They love you very much, as do I.

"Carlisle, it was me who asked Dr. Maunier not to send you my medical history. We haven't had too much interaction in this past couple of months, and I guess it's because I tried to avoid being alone with you. I feared you'd know what was going on with me. I'm sorry for that. You're a good man.

"I will be forever grateful to you both for your being so kind to me from the beginning."

_Click._

· - ·

**July 31st—Thursday **

I went to the hospital again, but Heidi told me Marcus wasn't there anymore; he'd passed away early that morning. I felt sad for the man who had died alone in a hospital. I wouldn't want to leave like that.

She told me they were having an early meeting with the cancer group to talk about Marcus and what it meant that he was gone. She didn't say it in so many words, but they would talk about death. I didn't show up for that. I just couldn't face those people.

I knew for sure what my destiny was; I didn't need to discuss it.

"He arranged to be buried in the Forks Cemetery," Heidi informed me.

Forks Cemetery was located on the outskirts of town. It was reasonably big because the town had been around for a long time. There were entire families buried there. The rain from the past days had left the grass wet, but it had a weird, sad color. It seemed like it was in tune with the place. I didn't see anybody there, either.

I found Marcus' grave at the far side of the grounds. _Marcus Volt (1931 – 2003_), it said. Nothing else.

What would my grave look like? Would it say something nice like some of the others? I decided I didn't want to be buried here, rotting between worms. I wanted to swim with whales. I wanted to be with my mother. I made a mental note to write something down so that Charlie would make it happen.

In the deserted cemetery, I cried silently. I cried for Marcus and for me.

· - ·

**Hey guys, no Edward in this one, I'm sorry. I hope you're ready because we're almost at the end, as you can probably tell.**

**For more, follow me on twitter -at-LovegoodBetty. **


	19. THE END

**Disclaimer**: _This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. _I don't own Twilight, clearly.

· - ·

**CHAPTER 18 – The end**

**August 1st—Friday **

"Hi, baby."

Edward and I were "skyping" for the first time. He had finally convinced me to do it because talking on the phone had become tiring. He'd left one week ago, and I missed him like crazy.

I grinned, looking at the little camera thing over the computer screen. I heard him laugh through my earphones.

"Bella, you don't have to look at the webcam, you can look at me," he said.

"_I know_, Edward," I responded. "I may not be a computer geek like you, but I'm not a complete idiot, either."

"Yes, I'm aware."

We were silent for a moment. I didn't know what to say. It was weird seeing him and not being able to touch him, smell him, or kiss him. His smiley expression turned somber.

"I don't know if it's the lighting, but you don't look so good," he said, worried.

"Well... thanks?" I said, self-consciously wrapping my robe more tightly around myself. I had gotten out of the shower when he called to request a video-chat before he attended a business dinner.

"I mean it, Bella. Are you taking care of yourself?"

The truth was that I was getting worse, and that was one of the reasons I told him to rush back home every time we talked. I didn't feel well enough to drive to Port Angeles, so I hadn't gone to another acupuncture session. Doctor Maunier arranged for me to be able to get my medicine without a physical prescription, but it wasn't helping all that much lately, either.

"It's just a stomach bug or something," I said. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes; don't worry."

"I miss you," he said, touching his computer screen.

"Me, too," I responded. "I wish you were here."

"I will be. Soon. I promise."

"Okay."

"Everything's going well," he said, smiling a little. "I'm hoping to be done this weekend."

"You'd better," I said, "or I'll come get you myself."

"Ha! I wish."

My phone rang at that moment and I stretched my arm to grab it. It was Jacob. I pushed the silence button. I'd call him back later.

Edward gasped at the other side of the virtual line. "Are you naked under there?"

I looked down and figured something might have shown when I reached for the phone.

"Uh-huh." I nodded, grabbing the lapels of my robe.

"Show me," he said eagerly.

I smiled seductively and slowly revealed one of my breasts for him to see. I enjoyed his lustful expression. After him noticing my unhealthy state, it was nice to know he still wanted me.

His buzzer went off just as I was about to open up my robe further.

"Fuck," he said, looking down at his watch. "My cab's here. I gotta go."

"Oh, okay." I covered myself back up and pouted, half-serious, half-joking.

"God, I miss you so much."

"I miss you too," I responded. "Bye."

"Goodbye, Bella. I love you."

He waited for a second and then disconnected. As soon as he disappeared from my screen, I broke down in sobs.

· - ·

**August 2nd—Saturday **

"Can you pass me the salt?"

I was having lunch with Jacob and my father. I wasn't "feeling so well because of a stomach bug" but I wanted to be around them. And since it was Sue's birthday, she and Charlie would be having dinner he'd stay over at her place. Leah and Seth would be coming to spend the night to give them some privacy, and I had invited Jacob. He had gladly accepted. The fact that the first thing I mentioned was Leah might have had something to do with it.

I knew they had gone out a couple of times since Seth's birthday, but nothing major had happened; they'd just hung out as friends. But I was sure there was something blooming between the two of them, so I was happy to help with that.

"So what are you kids going to do tonight?" Charlie asked.

"Bella's going to cook for us, aren't you?" Jacob responded, turning to me.

Smiling, I shook my head, amused, and shrugged. "Sure."

"Don't stress my daughter, Jacob," my father admonished. "She's not a hundred percent well."

"Dad, it's okay."

He raised his brows, looking pointedly at my plate. I was on a special diet since the day before, so while they were devouring steaks, I was eating rice soup.

"It's not that bad," I said.

"No, he's right, Bells," Jacob said softly. "We'll cook for you instead."

· - ·

Later that day, we ended up cooking all together. I taught Seth how to bake brownies while Jacob and Leah busied themselves with a vegetable soup and fried fish.

While Seth stirred the bowl of brownie batter, I noticed the looks that passed between my other friends, and I was so happy for them. They looked happy, too, and very cute.

Before I had time to think about how much I wished Edward was here, my phone rang.

"Hello, beautiful," I heard him say into my ear.

"Hey yourself."

"How are you feeling today?" he had taken upon himself to check up on me at least twice a day since I told him I wasn't feeling well.

"Good," I responded. "I'm here with Leah, Seth and Jake. We're cooking dinner! You should see this..."

"Oh, I wish I could, baby."

"I know."

"I'll be there soon, okay?"

"When is 'soon'?"

"Soon is... I don't know. But soon."

"Oh, that's not vague at all, Edward." It came out harsher than I meant, and I cringed.

I turned to see Seth and Jacob watching intently, and Leah trying to look as if she wasn't listening too. I walked out of the kitchen to the hallway.

"Bell—" Edward sighed and his voice lowered and softened before he spoke again. "I know how you feel. I'm frustrated too. I love you and I miss you, but I promise I'll be done this weekend."

Still, he didn't say when he was coming back. I trusted him. I knew there was no one else. I just wanted him with me so bad!

"Okay..."

"So what are you cooking?"

· - ·

After dinner, we sat out back on blankets and looked at the stars. I was between Jacob and Seth, who eyed our cups, and Leah was at Jacob's other side.

"Why can't I drink?"

"Seth, you're sixteen," Leah said.

"So what? Like you didn't drink when you were my age?"

"No, I didn't."

Jacob snorted and she punched him on the chest. "Ouch!"

"C'mon, just a couple sips..." Seth whined.

"I said no! Bella, say something, please?"

I looked at her, then at Jacob who was grinning.

"Bella's the one who never drank when we were Seth's age," he said.

"I never saw the appeal of it, honestly," I responded and turned to Seth. "It's nothing interesting, trust me. All the things adults say are bad for you... they are."

"Exactly," Leah said. "Very well said."

"You only live once, Seth, and one choice can condition the rest of your life," I continued. "Might as well be smart about it."

"Damn," Jacob whispered. "Sounds like Ghandi or something."

"She's cooler than you, Leah," Seth said before standing up and running when Leah lunged like she was going tochase him. But she stayed next to Jake.

I laughed and followed Seth inside. He was still laughing when he poured himself some water from the pitcher in the fridge.

"Seth, can I talk to you?" I asked.

He finished his water and put his glass in the sink. "Sure."

"I saw you and your friends in the woods a couple of weeks ago," I said as I watched his face turn from red to white. "I meant what I said before. You have to be careful, okay?"

He shook his head. "I've never tried it, I swear. Jared brought it. He smokes sometimes."

"I believe you," I said and his shoulders fell in relief. "I'm not going to say anything, but I need to know that you're smarter than that."

"I am, Bella. I won't do it, I promise."

He was a good kid. I took a step toward him and he hugged me tightly. I squeezed him back, grateful that I could be of help to Sue and Leah, even if indirectly.

"It's late," I said. "You should go to sleep."

Seth nodded against me. We walked outside and saw Jacob and Leah sitting close together.

"We came to say goodnight," I said.

They nodded and said their goodnights.

"Night, sis," Seth said before leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Night, sis," Jacob echoed, looking at me.

I smiled at him before looking at his and Leah's hands, almost touching on the blanket between them. I grinned and he grinned back.

I loved these people.

· - ·

**August 3rd—Sunday **

I went downstairs early that morning and Leah and Jacob were already there, having coffee. She was supposed to come up to sleep in my bedroom, but I didn't think she had. There was a blanket and a pillow on the couch.

"Good morning," I said in a husky voice. I was feeling weaker that morning.

"Hey," Leah said.

"Coffee?" Jacob asked.

They both looked tired, but happy, in a way. It wasn't like they were jumping around, but it was in their expressions, in their body language, in the way they walked around each other. I knew it because that was what I had with Edward. We fit. Leah and Jacob fit.

"No, just milk," I said, sitting at the table.

"You okay?" Leah asked.

"I don't know... I might go back to sleep."

· - ·

I awoke a few hours later, feeling very thirsty. As I sat up on my bed, I only felt pain. My head hurt, my groin hurt, even my arms and legs. After taking a few deep breaths, I finally managed to get up. And I made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up what little I had in my stomach. After washing my mouth and face with cold water, I took two of the pills I had for my nausea. _That should help_, I thought.

I slowly walked down to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. When I leaned in the counter, it occurred to me that the house was too silent. I saw a paper on the table.

_Bella, _

_I called Dr. Cullen and went to buy a couple things for you. Someone will be there to watch you. Be back soon. _

_Love, Dad_

It was past noon. With great effort, I went back up to my bedroom, grabbed my recorder, and pressed the "rec" button. I knew I had very little time. I spoke calmly, even though it almost hurt to breathe.

"Emmett, I think I owe you the most because I feel like it was you who found me, introduced me to Edward that day at the store, and then almost forced me to spend the weekend at your house. I'll be forever indebted to you for that. Thank you very much.

"Rose, I didn't get to know you that well, but you're a genuinely good person. I remember you told me once that I would be good for Edward, and now I think you were right, but he's also been the best for me. You'll be a great mom.

"Jasper, Edward's wingman, you're the coolest. In these days when I miss Edward the most because he's far away, I know you're with him, keeping him safe and sane, too. Stay with him for me when I'm gone. He needs you.

"Alice, you are vitality personified. You're the sun on a rainy day. I'm sorry I'm going to miss your wedding. I can just imagine you'll be the prettiest bride.

"I wish you all the best. Thank you for everything."

· - ·

_Click._

"Dad, I love you. I know I never said that when I was growing up, and it sounded weird when I said it when I first came back here, but it's because I'm trying to make it up to you. Because I need you to know.

"You're a great father. The greatest, to me. And I'm very happy Sue has found you and that you have found her. You're awesome for each other.

"I came to Forks because I knew... what was going to happen. It was already inevitable, so I didn't want you to worry ahead of time. In fact, don't you ever worry about me anymore, because I'm happy. I truly am.

"I'll miss you, though. I love you so much."

_Click._

I couldn't stop the tears that streamed down my face. It all seemed so final now. I could almost feel the life escaping me. I wrote my father's name on a blank sticker and stuck it to the tape before putting it in a case. With shaking fingers, I also wrote a note saying where to find the tapes and put it on my bedside table. I put the last tape inside the recorder and lay down on my bed, over the sheets. I felt numb, like my brain wanted to block the pain, but I could still feel it. I was exhausted.

I closed my eyes, but I still felt the tears falling down my cheeks. I was scared and broken. I hadn't seen Edward in over a week. I hadn't heard his voice in hours. In the end, I was alone.

_Click._

"Edward... I—"

_Click._

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him goodbye. Not feeling like this. I opened my eyes again and looked up at the ceiling for a long time. I couldn't believe I was so alone. I had envisioned my death in so many different ways, but not like this. I wanted to be somewhere else. I wanted to get up and run far, far away. Maybe closer to my love.

_Click._

"My Edward..."

I imagined him listening to this tape in the near future. What would he like to hear? I didn't want him to beat himself up for not being here. I didn't want to make this sad. It wasn't like us. I didn't want to sound depressed, although that was how I felt. Worse than that.

_Click._

I rewound the tape back to the beginning.

_Click._

"…

"My dearest Edward.

"I guess by the time you get this tape you'll know… well, that I'm not here anymore.

"It's okay if you're angry, hurt, sad, or upset with me. I understand. I felt like that after my mom died, too. Time heals all wounds. It's true. Maybe you don't see it now, but you will, I promise.

"These past few months… I realized that life is better than you think. Live, Edward, please. You have everything you could hope for. You have a great family, everyone loves you…

"...

"I love you. I didn't get to tell you—I couldn't, but I do. I fell so deeply in love with you.

"You're the best thing a girl like me could get. Really. Just be yourself and you'll be happy. All I always wanted was for you to be happy. I'm glad that I got to live some of your happiest moments with you. And I would have loved more than anything to grow old by your side.

"And for God's sake, you can afford a real car. I don't want the next woman you drive around to get the wrong idea about you.

"…

"Don't stop playing piano, ever. I loved watching and hearing you play, the few times I had the opportunity.

"I love you.…"

_Click._

· - ·

Lying there alone and in my haze, I didn't realize someone had entered my room. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew somebody was on my bed. When a familiar scent invaded me, I thought I was going crazy.

_This is it_, I thought. _They'll take me now._

"Baby," I heard a whisper. "Bella."

I felt arms around me. So warm and comfortable. I was lightheaded, surely hallucinating. I opened my eyes and saw him: the most beautiful creature, looking down at me.

"Bella, you're freezing."

He covered me with the sheets, but I only felt warm where he touched me. I clung to him, not wanting to let go. Ever.

The feeling of his lips against my forehead brought tears to my eyes. I wasn't alone after all. I had my angel with me. _It'll all be okay, then._

As he brought me closer, his voice sounded far away. But then I closed my eyes and he was still there, like the first time I saw him. And like the last time. And in every way I had seen him. So beautiful each time.

Then we were at the coast, watching the whales dance in the water. And everyone else was there, too, waiting for me. Charlie, Edward's family, the Clearwaters, Jacob and Billy, my favorite people from the rez, Angela, even Jessica and Mike... and Marcus. But behind everyone, my mother. She gave me her hand, and I felt happy. Happier than I'd ever been. Not a single tear was shed. Everyone smiled.

I had finally found peace.

**THE END**

**· - ·**

**I was kind of putting this off today-knowing how most of you feel-but I had a really bad day at work, and I thought that taking this weight off my mind would help. Don't kill me now!**

**This is it. Was it hard? I'm offering free hugs, just so you know. I need one, too. First of all, if you're reading this means that you got through the whole story. Congratulations and thank you so much! Writers don't make sense without readers. Second, whether you liked the ending or not, this was planned from the first moment the prologue was posted. In fact, I'd say I knew the ending even before the whole story was written. I never promised a HEA. I never wanted it to be. Otherwise, be sure that I would have caved in to your pleas for a HEA. I really hope you're not too mad.**

**As I'm sure most of you are probably concerned about Edward's mental sanity, I'll offer you an epilogue I wrote after drafting chapter 1 and 2. I need to warn you, though, it's still angsty—maybe more angsty than the rest, I don't know. It will be posted soon.**

**Now it's time to thank Wendy once more. She was my beta throughout this entire journey. I think i've said this before, but she's one of the best I've worked with. Quick and to the point. She's pretty fantastic.**

**Also, thank you Kyla (theonlykyla), who grew to love (and sometimes hate) this story as much as I do, and understood how hard it was for Bella to keep her secret while her heart broke for Edward at the same time. She pimped my story and encouraged me all the time with her reviews in every single chapter. Thank you so much!**

**The biggest thank you goes for Jen, my main rock through everything. We worked on this for months, and even after I started posting, she reviewed every time and kept telling me how much she loved it. I think she's the person without whom this could've never seen the light of day. I'm so so so SO happy I found her, and I also thank The Sparkly Red Pen for that. The "happy" ending/dream was her idea too, and I think it's the perfect scene for this kind of story. Thank you, Jen! Love you.**

**My next project involves developing a one-shot I wrote for a contest, titled The Rendezvous Games. Check it out and put it on alert if you want to read more! Until next time, bye! x**


	20. EPILOGUE

**EPILOGUE (Edward)  
**

"_I love you.…"_

_Click._

_· - ·_

I loved her. I had loved her for so long, and she had loved me back. I finally heard her say it, but it was too late, because I would never see her again. Because she wasn't here anymore.

_God, how can I be happy again? _

There was a hole in my chest, a pain that burned so much I couldn't bear it.

She wanted me to be strong for her. She wanted me to be happy and move on with my life, but I just couldn't bring myself to care about anything else in that moment.

Bella was the first woman I felt really connected to, who I absolutely cared about to the point of feeling prepared for marriage. I, Edward Cullen, had imagined how life could be with that woman for the rest of my life.

_What now?_

· - ·

The first thing I did after I heard Bella's message was sell the fucking Volvo. I hated it. I didn't want anything Bella didn't like. She had seemed concerned about the image I would give to other women, and I took that as a joke because it was impossible for me to think of someone remotely as good as her. But I sold it anyway.

Bella's funeral was scheduled two days after that, at the beach.

She hadn't been a religious person when I met her. She told me that she had lost faith in anything divine after her mother's death. I understood her now. If I had been religious at all before, I would have lost faith after Bella left my life, too. I figured her father didn't believe in anything like that either, anymore, so they didn't want to do it in the church.

Renee Swan had been cremated and her ashes were thrown to the sea from the cliffs near La Push, so that's what they had scheduled for Bella, as well. That was what she wanted. Everyone in La Push had known her since she was little, and they all loved her. It was only fair that we said goodbye to her in the place she had spent so many moments growing and where she would reunite with her mother.

Of course, the little ceremony wasn't peachy, but it was not as sullen as I'd expected, either. A lot of friends and people she considered family from the reservation were there, apart from her friends and classmates from school –some of them came to Forks solely for Bella, like Angela Weber – Charlie, my family, and me.

We all had beautiful things to remember about Bella.

Charlie wasn't an overly expressive man, and seeing him so low certainly had an impact on me. He had dark circles around his eyes, which were constantly watery. He even hugged me gently when I came up to greet him. It was good to see Sue by his side.

My mother was very broken, too. I tried to keep up appearances around her, because she seemed so fragile that I thought seeing me yearning would make her even sadder. While Charlie and I tried to choke back our tears, Esme cried most of the way through the ceremony.

There was a moment when I watched the scene like I was not there, like I wasn't part of it. I looked around while Jacob Black was giving his speech, telling all the good memories he had about Bella. I saw all sorrowful faces, people dressed in black, crying, boyfriends or husbands holding their women, and then there was me.

Things Bella had said in the past couple of months were resonating in my ears…

"_You can't imagine how lonely I felt in Phoenix, but I couldn't come back."_

"_This place was already too gray, even before my mother died."_

And in that moment I closed my eyes and wished.

I wished for Bella to see these people united for her, with her. I wished I believed in ghosts, in the afterlife. I wished I could know she was here to listen to the kind words from the people who loved her, and feel their hearts beating and tears shed for her. I wanted her to know how much these people would miss her. How much _I_ would miss her. Forever.

In that moment, I felt a little cold hand wrapping around mine. And I imagined it was hers, telling me that it was all going to be fine. That she loved me.

_I love you, too._

The hand squeezed mine. I opened my eyes and looked up next to me into my mother's sad, gray eyes. It was my turn.

She let go of my hand, and I walked up to the center of the semicircle we had formed, where Jacob was still standing. I approached him, and he extended his hand, which I shook. I knew he had loved her, too, like a brother loves his little sister. The same way I loved Alice. I saw nothing but respect in his eyes; all trace of rivalry and protectiveness were gone. I nodded to him and turned to face the attendants before closing my eyes.

Then, I just spoke. I didn't need to think about what I was saying; every word that came from my mouth came from my heart, too, and it felt like I was just talking to Bella. My Bella.

"I recall when I first saw you a few months ago at the grocery store. You were distracted and didn't even notice me. When I got the opportunity to know you better, I felt like the most fortunate man, and I couldn't resist telling my mother all about you. About how much I liked your laughter, even the fact that you found my silly jokes funny enough to be laughed at.

"Your wit and intelligence captivated me, as did your beauty." I had to take a moment to breathe before continuing, "Bella, you are the most wonderful woman I'll ever meet. I don't think anyone can reach the top after I've had you in my life.

"I hope you find your peace wherever you are right now, and don't forget how much I love you.

"Goodbye," I finally managed to whisper.

When I felt Charlie's hand in my shoulder I realized I wasn't alone, and there were dozens of people watching me with pity eyes. That's when I felt the tears streaming down my face, and I wiped them, blinking.

A weight had been lifted from me. I had finally said goodbye.

As I watched how Charlie threw his daughter's ashes to the sea, a realization came over me like a ton of bricks. This was real, and she really was never coming back.

I stood there so long that everyone left. Jasper offered to drive me back to the house, because I wasn't in the state of mind to do so, but I told him to go. I stayed for a while, until the night fell upon me.

· - ·

Ten years and one divorce later, I was living in New York, composing and recording my music.

Life hadn't been easy for me.

Bella's death marked my life and I fell into an inevitable depression. After incessant arguments with my family, I agreed to see a therapist, Peter, who helped me overcome my terrible loss so that I could finally accept it. Jasper was a great friend, too. I think Bella told him to take care of me.

At the same time in which I worked with him and Peter, I met a woman, Jane, who was the total opposite of who had been the love of my life. She had been extremely happy that I wanted to marry her so soon in our relationship, but right after that, we knew it wasn't going anywhere. I still missed Bella. I loved Bella.

Peter and Jasper made me reconsider the reasons for my marrying Jane – a weekend in Vegas – and after the divorce, I regretted profusely having disappointed my family, especially Esme.

When everything was back to as normal as it could get, I decided to move back to New York and work with Jasper via conference calls when necessary.

Meanwhile, I was still talking to Peter on the phone. After Jane's and my short marriage fiasco, he wanted to face my issues with romantic relationships, or lack thereof. I thought I wouldn't be able to love someone the way I had loved Bella. I thought the Jane situation hadn't helped, so I didn't even bother to go out and meet anyone.

Peter told me that of course I would miss Bella for the rest of my life, but I had to work on letting her go. I couldn't keep her here with me, where she didn't belong anymore, and I had to move on with my own life on Earth, with living people, he said.

· - ·

So, that's what I've been trying to do this year. I work on my music, my best therapy. I make an effort to get out more and socialize.

Today I'm back in Forks. It's Bella's death anniversary. I come here, to the cliffs, this same day every year, and I talk to her.

I normally talk to her in my mind a lot, but being here is different. It feels like she can actually hear me, and I can tell her everything. I hope she's happy that I've finally found my place in life without her. And I hope she never forgets me, wherever she is, just as I will never forget her.

I stare out at the water and I say goodbye one more time.

_I love you. Always._


End file.
